Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Warning - this post is graphic and gross and something I wouldn't usually talk about, but this is the reality of dealing with a sick person with no sense of boundaries

Primo: I had to wipe his butt today.

Me: What?

Primo: He needed to use the bathroom. I thought he was able to go on his own - he went there with the walker and I helped him sit. I thought I was done.

Me: And?

Primo: And then I heard him say, "I'm not going to be able to wipe myself, you know."

Me: Wait! He knew before he went in?

Primo: Yes!

Me: And he asked you to help him get there anyhow?

Primo: Yes! Usually the CNA helps, I guess. I told him this was the first time I had ever had to do that and he said he did it for my mom. I said I expect to do it for a spouse but not for a parent.

Me: What is wrong with him?

Primo: He apparently thought it should not be a big deal and I shouldn't be bothered. He just didn't feel like calling for the nurse. He says they take too long. Later, I overheard him telling the nurse that I should be nominated for CNA of the week. The nurse was shocked and told him that he should have called for help - that he should not have asked me to do that.


  1. No. Just no. The only time that should be a consideration is if the child is the primary caregiver and signed up for that or is the only one around (literally, not as in this case) and it's an emergency. That's not the case in a care facility, so...nope. I hope he refused to do it again (if it came up later) and made his dad wait for a caregiver!

    1. I'm going to add this in here: I did willingly take on the care of my grandparents for a couple of years. Willingly. I never did wipe them, but I did have to clean up after my grandmother when she had an accident of the really bad kind one night. She was embarrassed. I just did what I had to do. Luckily, an uncle was there and he helped me clean up, but it was really, really bad.

      Here's the thing: I willingly stayed with them every night to do this, and I wouldn't trade that time I had with them for anything in the world. But they were caring and wonderful people my entire life (yes, they had their faults, but they also admitted that they had faults and didn't harp on mine!), and I would do it again in a heartbeat if they were still alive. They also offered me money at the end and tried to force me to take it, but because I wanted to do this for my family, I didn't take it. If you're a caring person, love and consideration can and probably will go both ways.

    2. Jessica, I agree with you. If a person chooses to take care of relatives and there is not someone there who is being paid to do the task, it is such a caring thing to do.

      But to impose it on someone? Primo and I were talking about this post today and Primo said dryly, "He thinks his shit doesn't stink."

  2. Toward the end, if it was too much for my mother to make it to the master bathroom for #1, she would ask for the bed pan. This one day I got it for her and as she was using it she got this horrified look on her face. Mom, what's wrong? I'm so sorry!! I had a bowel movement! I didn't know I needed to! I'm so sorry! " I said: "Mom, it's a bedpan. Anything short of butterflies in there is not going to surprise or offend me." She said "Ok, but I'm still sorry."

    1. Your mom was very sweet. She understood that this was a big deal and you were loving and kind to her during a very hard time.


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