In which I tell Primo I will change my name as soon as he is six feet under

Me: If you die, I am changing back to my maiden name.

Primo: What? You would?

Me: As soon as I get rid of the cats and all your crap in the basement and all those old magazines in the attic, I will go to the courthouse and change my name.

Primo: But what about my parents?

Me: And I will never, ever talk to your parents again.

Primo: At all?

Me: Well, I'll send them your ashes and your personal stuff, but nope. I will never talk to them again.

Primo: But you'll be responsible for them!

Me: Yeah. No.