Thursday, February 1, 2018

The Candidate's Wife: How people use facebook BlessTheirHearts

Primo: I got a facebook message from an older lady who was mad at me.

Me: About what?

Primo: Some older people - they just don't get facebook.

Me: In which way?

Primo: She is really upset that I like [the governor's] page. She says I am not a true Democrat.

Me: Ah yes. Because you want to stay informed about what the opposition is doing.

Primo: She thinks I have betrayed the cause.

Monday, January 29, 2018

The Candidate's Wife: How an English major does a colonoscopy vs how an engineer does a colonoscopy

How an English major does a colonoscopy

  • Two days before the procedure, follow the instructions
  • Day before procedure, follow the instructions
  • Day of procedure, follow the instructions

How an engineer does a colonoscopy

  • Three days before procedure, ask wife to find the diet instructions in her email
  • Read the diet instructions and complain
  • Spend two days doing research about colonoscopy prep protocols, finding evidence that other GI clinics do not require the level of fasting that local clinic does
  • Day of the prep, complain about being hungry
  • Message wife at work citing various sources about fasting protocols

American medicine is behind the times. Recent studies have shown that it's OK to eat low-residue foods (like eggs) the day before a colonoscopy. I'm not going to do that, but our hospital is not doing it right.
The doctors are probably afraid of change.
I also found an Australian colonoscopy prep guide that says alcohol in moderation is fine as part of a low-residue diet. I do intend to drink a beer tonight. (What could that possibly hurt?)

  • Message wife to tell her you are cranky
  • Wait until 6 p.m. the day before the procedure to start the prep
  • Accelerate the prep, drinking ten ounces instead of eight ounces of liquid every ten minutes - "I will be able to drink the entire amount in one hour!"
  • Complain about being hungry
  • Argue with wife, who is not a physician, about whether
    • A beer is possible
    • It is necessary to complete the second half of the prep liquid if certain conditions are already being met
  • Complain about being hungry
  • Morning of procedure, announce hunger
  • After procedure, argue with nurse about fentanyl and whether driving in the evening will be OK

Co-worker's advice about husband: Don’t let him take the conversation into narrowly focused details — the nature of chemical compositions, the potential flaws in FDA testing, etc. It’s where engineers know they can win, but it’s a trap!