Thursday, January 29, 2015

In which Primo goes to Russell's house to talk about running for Russell's county seat and then he and I have a big ol' fight about the stupid campaign and how it's ruining our lives

Primo went over to Russell Crowe's house this afternoon to talk to him about running for Russell's seat. He wanted to get to Russell before Leo did or at least pretty close.

Primo: So I went over there and rang the doorbell.

Me: Was he home?

Primo: Yes. But he was taking a nap! I woke him up!

Me: Oh no!

Primo: But he was really nice. He invited me inside and we talked. He told me that he and his wife cancelled their vacation this summer so he could campaign.

Me: That stinks.

Primo: Yeah.....

Me: Oh! About vacation! When we go to Spain in November, if you have quit your job, you won't have to take your computer and we can actually be on vacation!

[Primo has taken his work computer with him on every vacation we have taken and usually spends a few hours every morning working, including working until 4 a.m. in the lobby - because that was the only place he could get an internet connection - of the hotel the first night of our honeymoon in Spain.]

Primo: About that.

Me: What?

Primo: Maybe we should postpone.

Me: What? Are you crazy? We have been trying to take this trip for over a year!

Primo: Yes, but if I am serious about running for the county seat, I will need to be working on that in November.

Me: Fine. Then we can change it to October.

Primo: But that's before the election!

Me: You don't have a chance of winning that race!

Primo: But I need to work on it!

Me: If you quit your job and stick with the original plan of two to three events a week, then you will have plenty of time to lay the groundwork for the county run.

Primo: It doesn't work that way.

Me: I cannot believe you are actually going to do this.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

In which Primo spends the afternoon campaigning at another county fair and discovers that The Party is involved in more chicanery, which shocks him but does not shock me at all because I think most politicians and their minions are scum

I decided not to go with Primo to the Lafayette County fair on Saturday because 1. I have a life and 2. I have a life. Sure, that life consists of making potato salad and macaroni and cheese and reading and going to the farmers market, but it's my life and my Saturday.

He drives 90 miles to the fair. Pays to get in. Buys food while he is there.

The campaign is paying for none of this because the campaign does not have any money.

He returns with some deep fried s'mores, which I do not mind, and with gossip.

Primo: You remember that candidate you met at the other county fair? Goldie Hawn?

Me: Of course. She's super nice. She has the soap business.

Primo: So the party had convinced her to run.

Me: Right. She hadn't even thought about it, but they approached her and gave her the same crap they gave you: that they really really needed a candidate in that race and she was soooooo perfect and would she pretty please run and they would totally support her.

Primo: Exactly.

Me: And now they are not supporting her.

Primo: No! It's worse! It's not that they are not supporting her - which they are not - but they told her and some other candidates last week that the party was holding a mandatory meeting for candidates on Monday and they had to go. The meeting was supposed to be at 11. So she drives two hours to this meeting and these other candidates drive a long way, too. They get there at 11 - and the main people they are supposed to meet haven't even shown up!

Me: That's pretty rude.

Primo: That's not the worst part. So the people they are supposed to talk to don't show up until 11:25. And then they tell Goldie and two other candidates that there is a special lunch with some campaign consultants but they aren't invited!

Me: Wait! There was a lunch and they told Goldie, "But no special lunch for you!"

Primo: Yes!

[I am not surprised at all because none of these party apparatchniks have impressed me. They are all in it for themselves, which is fine because that is how human nature works. Once you understand someone's motivation, you can work with it. What scares me are the true believers like Primo, who says he wants to Make the World a Better Place. That, I do not trust. Who's to say his definition of Better Place = my definition? Don't presume to work on my behalf and to enlighten me. Tell me exactly what you want and qui bono so I can either vote for you or not.]

Primo: They were not allowed to go to the lunch with the consultants.

Me: That is so bad.

Primo: And then this other guy - another guy they had asked to run and had helped in the primary - he won his primary and now they have told him he has five days to raise $8,000.

Me: What?

Primo: Yes! The day after the primary, they told him that if he wanted to be taken seriously, he had to raise the money. He had no warning.

Me: Just like the county party chair had told you. That if you couldn't raise $2,000 in one day, you were not a serious candidate.

[I took great joy in seeing that party chair listed as a major loser in the most recent election - none of the candidates whose campaigns he had managed - he has since become a campaign consultant - won. Ha.]

Primo: Yep.

Me: So it really becomes a shakedown of your friends and family or your own savings.

Primo: Yes.

Me: Loooove your party.