Saturday, March 4, 2017

In which Primo does not rush into the very rash decision of buying monogrammed stationery

It has been more than six weeks since the election.

Wonderful people gave time and money to Primo's campaign.

Primo still has not written thank-you notes to them. I am trying not to care, because it's not me and my notes, but man is it stressful. Those people need to be thanked. This needs to be DONE.

On Sunday, Primo came downstairs with what remains of the monogrammed stationery I bought for him years ago. There is only one piece left.

He needs to write way more than one thank-you note.

We found the vendor online. Found some stationery he liked. Found a good price. It's made in the US, which is always a plus - we want our fellow citizens to have good jobs.

"Should I order this for you?" I asked.

No! Not yet!

I wanted to know what additional information he needed to make this decision.

He was not ready.

Every night, I asked again.

No! Not yet!

Last night, he was ready.

"But should I get 100 pieces?" he asked.

"Sure," I said. "It's something you'll use the rest of your life. It's not a perishable."

"But that's a lot."

"If you die before you use it all, I will use it up."

"Your name is not Primo!"

"I will cross it out,"  I assured him.

Then he told me that he was going to pay extra to guarantee shipping by Christmas (next Sunday).

"If only there had been a way to pay regular shipping and still get it in time," I said.


Sunday, February 26, 2017

In which Primo does not win and Ted calls and we worry that all kinds of drama will start again

I have not written anything for a few months because

1. I am lazy

2. Not much has been going on



(Which you knew)

Oh - and Primo did not win. Which was sad. He outperformed other candidates in his party upballot, but that's easy - Primo is a man of integrity who has never lied to or been snarky to the American people. That is, Primo is not a jerk, which is something I cannot say about anyone else who was on the national ballot.

Back to Ted.

Today is Dec 17. It is one week until Christmas. Here is what Ted has been doing over the past few weeks. We know he is working up to asking for money.

1. He texted Primo repeatedly after the election, offering his (unasked-for) opinion. Primo was all stressed because Ted wanted to talk and Primo did not want to talk. I said that just because Ted wants does not mean he gets. Primo never called Ted.

2. He sent Primo an email about some karaoke machine that was on sale, telling Primo that in an alternate universe, he would be giving this to Primo for Christmas.

"He's working up to asking you for money," I said.

3. He sent Primo a text about Nancy, whose birthday was last week. Ted has never commemorated Nancy's birthday before to Primo in any way.

He is going to ask for money. I just know it. The only question is will he send us some pears again this year?