Me: Oh man! Listen to this title: "The sex toys in the attic. For the sake of your executors, throw them out. Now."
Primo: What?
Me: What if we find something in your mom and dad's basement?
Primo: I know we will.
Me: What?
Primo: I already know they have sex toys.
Me: How on earth do you know that?
Primo: Because--
Me: Wait. Stop talking. I do not want to hear another word about this.
Primo: But--
Me: No! Nothing! Nothing else about your parents' sex life!
Primo: OK.
Me: Seriously. Why do they tell you this stuff?
Primo: They have nobody else to talk to.
Me: Doesn't matter. They need to make friends. This is not appropriate conversation between a parent and a child.
Primo: My mom has nobody.
Me: Not your fault.
Primo: I feel bad for her.
Me: OK. How do you know about this?
Primo: Because the last time I was there, my dad asked me to go to Target and get C batteries.
Me: So?
Primo: I asked him what the batteries were for and he wouldn't tell me.
Me: Why did you ask him? Why would you care?
Primo: Because almost nothing uses C batteries any more. Wouldn't you want to know?
Me: No. I wouldn't care at all. So how did you find out?
Primo: I asked him again. Finally, after the third time, he told me they were for a vibrator.
Me: Oh gross.
Primo: Yeah, I know. But he is very proud that at his age, his sexuality is still a major part of his identity.
Me: That's not the issue. The issue is he tells you about it.
Primo: I know.
Me: So you don't want to know this stuff either.
Primo: I think it's gross.
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