Friday, September 11, 2015

In which Primo wonders why his dad does not focus on the darn mission

Primo: I feel like telling my dad that he should be working on getting his/their affairs in order instead of watching a video online, but that seems mean with his cancer appointment coming up on Tuesday.

Me: I do not think it is unreasonable for you to expect your dad to tear himself away from the online porn for one or two hours a day to focus on making life easier for you. Except he doesn't really care that you have completely upended your life, does he?

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

In which Doris moves into a nursing home and her roommate's daughter and son in law have stage 4 cancer but they are not jerks and in which we discover Sly is Rasputin

Primo: We got my mom moved in. She's feeling a lot better. The nutritionist met with her and the physical therapist came by. So it's good.

Me: Good.

Primo: Oh! I have a story!

Me: What?

Primo: I have a story for you!

Me: Wow!

Primo: I know! I never tell you stories! I never want to hear stories!

[It's true. He wants only the bullet points, none of the drama. That's why I have to have a blog - I have stories to tell and I have to have an audience out there.]

Primo: The roommate's daughter and son in law were visiting. I was nervous because they are skinny and coughing. I asked if they had a cold because I didn't want to shake hands.

Me: You are phobic. And rude.

Primo: I don't want to get sick!

Me: Just eat right and get enough rest and your immune system will be strong.

Primo: Anyhow, I asked them and they said no, they both have stage 4 lung cancer.

Me: What? [Thinking - that is a horrible story!]

Primo: I know. It's awful. But you know what the guy said when he shook my hand?

Me: What?

Primo: "Every time I meet someone new, it's a chance to make a new friend."

Me: Wow.

Primo: He was so nice! Here he is, going through chemo, and he is still nice!

Me: You mean he's not bitter and angry and lashing out at the world?

Primo: You mean he should have said, "Every time I meet someone new, it's a chance to criticize someone new?"

Me: Exactly.

Primo: No! They are both so nice. They asked my mom how she takes her coffee and said they would bring her one tomorrow after their chemo. They are going to chemo in the morning and coming here to see the roommate and they always stop at Dunkin' Donuts first and will also bring my mom a coffee.

Me: Wow. What's it like for your mom to be around nice people?

Primo: Speaking of that. I asked my dad if he would consider not keeping liquor in the house. My mom has been two weeks without booze. If he would stop drinking, then she would, too.

Me: Because there would be no bourbon in the house.

Primo: Yes. I calculated that he drinks about six ounces of booze a day.

Me: Holy smoke.

Primo: Well he weighs 260 pounds.

Me: I would be flat on my back.

Primo: So if he just doesn't have booze around...

Me: Will it make a difference?

Primo: It might help them live longer.

Me: You don't think the damage is already done?

Primo: I don't know. But if they could cut back to just beer and win---

Me: Wait! You said no booze in the house.

Primo: Right. No booze. But beer and wine, yes.

Me: Beer and wine is booze.

Primo: No. Booze is hard liquor.

Me: Oh for pete's sake.

Primo: So then it would be just a few ounces a day. Now he's drinking the booze and half a bottle of wine and maybe a beer.

Monday, September 7, 2015

In which Primo brings some of the junk that Sly and Doris paid by the pound to move across the country to our house

Items hauled back to our house from Sly and Doris' include a Life magazine from 1981. Just a random Life magazine.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

In which Sly still doesn't have his affairs in order

You guys, I am tired, tired, tired. Primo and I got up at 4:45 this morning so I could take him to the airport for Round 417illion of the Sly and Doris Irresponsibility Show.

We had a super romantic weekend of paying bills, talking about the taxes, and changing the kitty litter.

We had a super romantic conversation on the way to the airport about Sly and Doris' will, which they still have not finished because Sly does not want to give a number until he knows how much Ted and Jack will inherit from their mother, who married a wealthy man after she and Sly divorced, which is why Sly thought he should not have to pay child support because his kids had a wealthy stepdad, even though Sly seemed to have missed the part that Ted and Jack are his children. His children. Not the stepfather's.

Sly has an interesting way of looking at life. Someone else is responsible for his children because someone else has more money?

Well OK. Nice if you can get that to work for you.

Sly and Doris still have not finished their will, which has been in limbo since I met Primo.

"So your dad is going to screw you on this," I said.

"No, he's not!" Primo answered. "As executor of the will, I can decide how to divide the assets if my dad does not put it in writing."

I sighed. "That's what I mean - that he won't make a decision. There is no decision that you could make that would make all three of you happy. Ted will say he should have more because he has a disabled child who will never live independently. Jack will say yeah, but he has three children, so he should have more. Ted will counter by saying that Sly and Doris already gave Jack $280,000 when they invested in his restaurant. If you have to divide that money, Ted and Jack will make your life miserable."

"He's been waiting for Ted and Jack to tell him how much they are getting from their mom."

"And it is in Ted and Jack's interest how to get and share that information? Besides, why can't your dad just call his ex wife?"

Primo laughed. "He would never call her! She is the devil as far as he is concerned!"

"Yeah, that's your dad. Willing to do the hard things so his kids won't have to."