Thursday, September 11, 2014

In which I am asked to do my six-month performance appraisal and am given a form that asks if I go to work as soon as my shift starts

Again - by the time you read this, I should (Lord willing) have started my new job, the job where the hiring manager likes that I am "a bull in Chinatown" because I will "kick butt and get things done." He and the rest of the team like that I am not afraid to say what I think and am not intimidated, but those qualities are not necessarily valued elsewhere, although I would be the first to admit that sometimes, it is better just to keep your darn mouth shut.

Which, of course, is the situation at my current (soon to be late) job.

(When I write "late" like that, it makes me think of the Number One Ladies' Detective Agency books, in which Precious refers to her father as "late." "He is late," she says, to indicate he is dead. It is a sad thing indeed to have a father who is late.)

At my current job, it is better to be seen and not heard and I will not make that mistake again.

But Jennifer Anniston told me today, when I told her the story about Sergio and how I was sent to my room without supper, that she had no idea what he was talking about and she hadn't noticed that I was being hostile or negative or hateful at all.

I am being gaslighted. I spoke to my friend Lenore, whom I have known for 25 years or something like that, and she is experiencing the crazy of a small company, too. We both come from big company backgrounds and have never been in this environment where one person can make so many people so miserable.

We are reassuring each other that it is NOT US.

Ladies and gents, I give you more information as to the craziness of my current soon to be late job.

I give you the form I had to complete for my six-month evaluation.

Yes. Six months.

They do not visit the horror of performance evaluations only once a year at this company. They do it twice a year. And lucky me, I got there in time for an evaluation before I quit.

There are a handful of items. Each has five options, ranging from bad to good. There are examples with each level.

For instance, this:

Requires extra safety supervision. Needs to be reminded on occasions to wear correct work attire.

I am being evaluated on whether I wear the proper clothes to work.

And on whether I show up on time:

Work habits consistent with company policy (e.g., punctuality, attendance, break times). A self starter at the beginning of the shift.

Not sure what I say about this one, in light of the Drama of the Radio:

Excellent ability to get along with team members. Plays in active role within team. Often helps resolve conflict. Works positively to improve ongoing team development.

Here is what I can tell my boss:

I show up to work on time and get myself started once I have had some coffee and have read "Ask A Manager." I am the best-dressed person in the office - not hard to do when some people wear a yellow velour tracksuit on jeans day. But even without that, I dress sharp because I like to look nice and I feel different when I am dressed nicely.

Do you think I'll get a raise?