Friday, January 8, 2010

In which Sly gets mad about the white meat

Overall disclaimer for this story and all other posts: This happened over two years ago. I may not remember the facts exactly, but what I present here is close enough to true.

Christmas 2007. I discover that xanax does not work for me. Maybe I didn't take enough. Who knows? Vicodin didn't do much, either. But I digress. I do that a lot.

Primo and I are spending Christmas with Sly and Doris. It is the last holiday we will spend with them. Once we marry, we will spend our holidays together, in our home. Sly and Doris do not know this. They will not be happy with the news. Actually, we have not exactly broken it to them yet. We just aren't going to their place. Maybe they are figuring it out.

Christmas dinner. Sly has ordered the grandchildren (Jack and Stephanie's kids*), Michael, Maria, and Pia, to serve themselves first from the platters in the kitchen. They fill their plates.

Sly notices the kids have chosen only white meat from the turkey platter. He yells at Stephanie. When Sly was a kid, there is no way he could have gotten away with such nonsense! How dare they take only white meat! How DARE they! How can Stephanie be such a bad mother?

For the record, let me note that this was a huge turkey and there was still plenty of white meat left for everyone to have as much white meat as they wanted and there still to be enough for sandwiches the next day.

Stephanie says that's it, I am not taking this crap, I am leaving. She gets her coat and walks out the door.

Sly goes into his office in a huff.

Jack and Primo go after Sly, imploring him to apologize to Stephanie. This may be the last holiday supper everyone is together. Jack is about to file for divorce.** Everyone would like the kids to have this holiday with both parents.

I go out and offer Stephanie some xanax. She has her own drugs, she tells me.

Eventually, everyone returns to the table and we eat. Sly seems oblivious to the tension. I talk to Stephanie and Primo and the kids and count the hours until we leave.

* These kids are the nicest kids in the world. Mostly very well mannered and sweet. Overall, nothing to complain about as far as kids go.

** I do not know if Stephanie knew this was about to happen. I was quite uncomfortable that I was in possession of this information. I didn't think it was any of my business.


  1. Beloved's father has pulled crap like this a couple of times with the one grandson he sees a lot - I don't know what it is with old men that makes them act like that, but I do know that if Beloved ever does, he'll be picking his teeth up off of the floor because most likely the parent of the grandchild will knock them out (our kids are like that). Hopefully, they still be all his own, so it will hurt more. :D

  2. Well, you know, Kids "Back in the Day" were SOO much more thoughtful and respectful. And Parents today are complete pushovers.
    Wow, there cannot be enough xanax for having to get thru a holiday meal like that...

  3. White meat....ugh....there's SOOOOO much white meat left over in a turkey that I swear it multiplies....we end up freezing and even throwing away white meat--even with 'white meat eaters'....pass the xanax indeed!!! White Chocolate

  4. Really? Personally, I've always liked the white meat on poultry, but my dad, FIL, and DH like the dark meat better. They say it's more flavorful *shrug*

    Have you tried valium? I thought about doing that this year when we hosted the in-laws, but found that brandy slushes did the trick for me (don't normally drink and don't like the feeling of being drunk, but desperate times call for desperate measures).

  5. Dear god. It gets really brutal really fast.

  6. Oh LPC. You have seen nothing yet. NOTHING.

    Mel, I looooove valium. Do you know where I can get some?

    WC, yeah. There was enough white meat. More than enough.

    Maureen, that's the thing. The grandkids were being respectful. Sly didn't tell them not to take all white meat. He told them to serve themselves. Are they supposed to read his mind? I guess so.

    Jan, good for your kids.

  7. If one is stuck with relatives like that, rage and xanax are both understandable, but since these people are not fixable, there is something that is much more fun that you can try.

    Instead of trying for appeasement and/or rage, it is better by far to remain calm and say, "Sly, you know very well that they are both extremely well-behaved kids. You told them to help themselves. You didn't tell them they couldn't eat what they wanted. Since they're not mindreaders, they didn't know there was a magical amount of food they were supposed to take.

    Michael, Maria, and Pia, you did nothing wrong. Eat what you want. Your grandfather has had either too much bourbon, or not enough bourbon."

    All the above should be said in a calm, conversational tone. It's the only way to deal with bullies like this - and they ARE bullies. No point in screaming and fighting - but no point in bullshitting, either. Why let them get away with that kind of behaviour?


  8. I know! And had I to do it over again, I would do just what you suggested. NOBODY challenges this guy! They all let him get away with it.

  9. I think this was my favourite part of this entry:

    I go out and offer Stephanie some xanax. She has her own drugs, she tells me.

    1. :) She has known Sly and Doris for over 20 years. She comes prepared.