Tuesday, June 30, 2015

In which we realize that Sly has plenty of time to watch porn on his computer and brag about it (yes) to Primo but does not have time to arrange the big things in his life, like cooking and not falling at the grocery store

Primo is at his mom and dad's.


This time, for Sly's knee surgery.

This was not the plan. The plan was not for Primo to take a sabbatical so he could spend all his time at his mom and dad's.

The plan was for him to get a break and to breathe and to think about what he might want to do and to figure out a way to do it.

I am not putting up with the stress of being the sole wage-earner in this household to make life easier for Sly and Doris.

Sly had called Primo on Wednesday to ask him to be there the following Monday for Primo's Tuesday surgery.

It has been a while, I think, since Sly has bought a plane ticket. And even longer since he has had to consider that other people actually do things with their lives other than sit around and drink.

Primo informed Sly that

1. He was leaving town that night for a week-long political event and that
2. Even if he were not leaving town, he would not be able to drop everything to be at Sly's side in only a few days.

Remember, these are the people for whom three months' notice of our wedding was not enough, as they were not sure they would be able to find someone to feed their cats.

(I wish they had not found someone. I wish they really had boycotted our wedding.)

Primo informed Sly and then Doris that not only was he going to this political thing in another state, he was taking the Megabus for $60 because we are down to one income and did not want to spend the money for him to fly.

He said it again to Doris: "We are on a strict budget. Our income has dropped dramatically. It costs us money every time I visit you."

I was not a fly on the wall for the conversation - oh, man, how I wanted to hear this one - but Primo told them that they would have to pay for his expenses, that he had already paid for two trips in the past four months.

They agreed.

I can't believe it.

He should have asked them a long time ago.

They agreed to pay his expenses and Sly changed the date of the surgery.

The surgery was today. I was messaging with Primo while he was waiting in the hospital. He says that Doris is drinking herself to death and that his parents are even worse off than he thought.

We agreed they need to do something - move, hire daily help, hire live-in help.

imagine how difficult it would be to find a caregiver whom my parents could put up with and who would put up with my dad.


My dad would complain all the time.

  • Me

    he already complains all the time

  • Primo

    And criticize the person.

  • Me

    it would give him someone new to criticize!
    a new reason to live!

  • Primo

    It might deflect some criticism from my mom.

  • Me


  • Primo

    He'll say that he can handle things and he'd rather get by without a caregiver. And it'll be OK until something bad happens.
    But they end up with days like yesterday, when they skipped dinner and then my mom was drunk.
    My dad eventually ate something (part of a Vietnamese sandwich and then some peanut butter on a piece of bread). My mom ate nothing but frozen yogurt last night.
  • Me

    If your dad refuses to hire help, I don't know that there is much you can do

  • Primo
  • And they'll probably always have excuses for not making progress on any of the big issues (moving, home care, the will, etc.) because every week seems to be a series of doctor appointments and hospital procedures.
  • At this rate, they'll be unable to manage soon and I'll end up having to choose some place for them to live.
    But my mom is in such terrible shape and I feel bad for her. When I arrived, she said "We need you."

  • Me

    If your dad has time to watch porn, he has time to deal with important things

  • Primo

    But I can't tell him that.

    1. Sly will be a picnic if and when he moves to assisted living. I work with the elderly, and I have one patient like Sly. my first two months, the man hated my guts and complained about everything, and if someone wasn't in his room the moment he rang for help, he called his daughter, who called and cussed us out. I started greeting him like a long-lost friend (because he couldn't get meaner), and now he lights up and mostly does what I ask. It's bizarre. Half of my coworkers have been banned from his room, though, because they haven't figured out that their (justified) irritation with him just magnifies his own nastiness. But I talk with him about how to grow tomatoes.

      Doris would do well to be in assisted living or a nursing home. She might even make friends and find a reason to get out of bed and eat.

      1. I like the idea of killing him with kindness, but I don't think I could stomach it with Sly. Way too much history.

    2. It certainly is good that you have this blog for your mental bealth. Has Primo considered writing, too?

      1. I think he has considered drinking.