Friday, April 22, 2016

In which Primo could give the money to Ted but we don't want to because Ted has been such a jerk

Primo: I talked to the lawyer about the house contract. I figured as long as I was on the phone with him, I would ask about Ted.

Me: What did he say?

Primo: He says that I have a lot of discretion on reimbursing for past expenses.

Me: You mean expenses from before your parents died?

Primo: Yes. So it's good news but also bad news.

Me: Because now there is no reason for you not to give Ted the money.

Primo: They want about $6,500 for old school expenses.

Me: Oh man. So you could give it to them, but then it's like they won!

Primo: I know. But maybe then they would stop.

Me: Hahahaha.

Primo: I know.

Me: If they want you to write that check, they need to send something better than fruit. Don't they know you are a chocolate guy?

Primo: I don't know.

Me: And we have a pear tree in our yard!

Primo: But it's not in season.

Me: Thank you Sheldon.


  1. You have a pear tree in the great white north? Why??!

    1. It was here when we moved in. Trust me - the last thing I want in my yard is trees. I hate them. They block the sun for my flower and vegetable gardens.

  2. Dear Gold Digger:

    I read your blog backwards at first. Then I decided to start at the beginning and meet myself in the middle. I have now done this. Because you made it so tantalizing, and I can't say how really, I also discovered who you are and who your husband is. There was no way I wasn't going to figure that out once you mentioned someone already had. I will tell you the things that caused me to first narrow down your general regional location (I started in the Pacific Northwest for some reason) if you'd like. There were more things than this, but the two things that capped it: You told us your name, not in so many words, but yes. Then, you mentioned the name of an HQ located in your town and after that, it was just a few minutes before I found Primo's nice face. Anyway, don't worry; I'll never tell. I even looked up Ted. He looks like a pinched off, beefy Sean Penn with all the more unpalatable qualities of a Charles Bronson (the later years). And a touch of Jack Palance at his creepiest. Of all the characters of your life, I like him least of all. Ted, if you find this blog somehow and read it: You are a big fu*&er.

    All this because you commented on a NYT article that I ran across on FB about old people and how they need to know that their progeny does not want their crap. When was that? 10 days ago? I have since been obsessive about reading your blog, which I obviously greatly enjoyed, but I do have a full time job and a full time school situation as well as other obligations, so it took a while. Also, you are nice and talkative. This is a good thing.

    Then I found your other blog, which I have discovered you have recently ended. But! You still have archives. Archives are good. Good for you. Not good for me because I am using your work to procrastinate when I should be studying.

    We have many things in common, Gold Digger. But also many things that are quite different. This is a good thing. Who wants to read their own life story (well, Ted: You fu*&er).

    I tried to email you privately but short of friending you on FB, which is weird and stalkery, I couldn't figure out a way to do it. Feel free to delete this message if it is going to mess you up in any way.

    Also, will you please tell Primo that he has done a remarkable job and was a good son to his parents. And also that I am very sorry for his loss.

    I am also sorry you lost your dad, Gold Digger. Mine was a career Army officer who died of cancer, supposedly pancreatic although my sister (who is a physician) says likely not based on some stuff that happened toward the end. Anyway, I had just turned 21. My dad was a good guy, too. He was actually stationed in the Panama CZ for some time, although it was wayyyyyyy before your father's time. I am about 3 years younger than you but my dad would be nearly 100 years old if he were still living (youngest of six, what can I say?).

    Although I am barely hanging on by the skin of my teeth on this, I am also a member of the Stripes party. Or the Polka Dots. I think you did switch that around in there. Anyway, the one Primo is not. Really, though, neither major party represents me any longer. I was also raised Catholic, and although I still know all the dance moves when I go to mass once in a great while and am completely incapable of taking communion at the Methodist service because I haven't been to confession since I did some really bad crap, I am most definitely a lapsed Catholic. I like that you are not, however.

    Anyway: I will buy your book when it's published, even if I know most of the stories already. Thank you for the entertainment, Gold Digger. I will be around. I'm sincerely hoping your other blog is not as entertaining as this one because I have to finish my school work :D

    1. Seanna, I love your comment. I am really impressed with your sleuthing! I think I know the HQ comment you mean - I guess I was not as cryptic as I thought. :)

      I am so glad that I have been able to convey the vastness of Ted's jerkiness. I am telling Primo (who is a hottie, isn't he?) about your comment and he is remarking dryly, "It's good that Ted doesn't care about making money and is concerned only about doing good" after the nine-month battle he has done (so far) with Ted over the estate and the trust.

      I guess I don't really care about being found out. I worried when Sly and Doris were alive because they were the ones I did not want to see this blog. I would appreciate my employer not being notified, not because I trash talk my boss (Hi Benny! YOU ARE A FABULOUS BOSS!) but because what I write here is so personal and I would rather not share that at work.

      If you would like to friend me on facebook, go ahead. :) Just promise to use your power for good. Nice to meet you.

    2. I'm glad I'm not the only one who figured out who you are and it's ok. Although I got there thru posting about Primo. In so many areas I found we think a lot alike. And I'm also in a mixed marriage although my husband is not political and we agree much more than we disagree.

  3. Me, too! I haven't said anything, because I wasn't sure how uncomfortable it would make you to know that I had figured out who you guys were IRL, but I'm glad to know it doesn't bother you too much. :) I like following your blog, because I think we have a similar outlook on things (and you remind me that my in-law issues aren't as bad as they could be!)

  4. OH! No, you don't have to worry about me outing you! I did check you out on LinkedIn but that was only because I was feeling flush and powerful with the fruits of my procrastination-driven sleuthing. Plus I wanted to see what you look like. You're very pretty; it's not just your sister. :D That was one reason I didn't make my comment anonymously; you can find my blog in there somewhere and it's pretty much obvious who I am. I didn't want to make you feel threatened at all. And I definitely use my powers for good :D .

    I was actually feeling bad about posting mean stuff about Ted and I CAN'T STAND HIM, so you're definitely safe. You and Primo? I like. No worries. I will be happy to friend you on FB. Primo is a sweetie. Definitely keep him. But he does need to clean up the cat vomit if he comes across it first. That's just Cat Man/Cat Woman 101. Pro tip: Warm cat vomit is somehow more disgusting to clean up than cat vomit that has cooled to room temperature. You may have figured that out already, Gold Digger. I'm sure Primo hasn't ;)