Monday, November 6, 2017

In which we visit Primo's lovely stepdaughters and they refer to me as "Granma Goldie" to their kids and I feel so, so honored

I know there are people who don't want the title of "Grandma" because it makes them feel old.

But - that title, given freely, can be one of the greatest things in the world.

My friend K is lovely. She came into my life when she married my friend L from grad school. Even if they split, I would still maintain my friendship with her because I love her and she is a great friend.

Her father died last year. He had been married to K's stepmother for 30 years. The stepmother had insisted that K's children address her as "Grandma." (It was not K's idea, but she was always pleasant to her stepmother because she was K's father's wife.)

Got that?

1. Thirty years
2. Insisted on being called "Grandma"
3. K's father died last year.

How many times has stepmom talked to K since? How many times has she returned K's calls/emails/texts?

Not. Once.

Not one single time.

K is friends with her stepsiblings and they don't know what the deal is with their mom. They think it's odd, too. 

I ask, Who wouldn't want to be friends with K? She is fabulous!

So that kind of thing can happen with blended families. 

I met Primo after he had already split from his first wife. I met him years after that happened. I had nothing to do with the breakup of his marriage, but I was still worried about what his stepdaughters might think of me. I have tried to let them set the tone for our relationship. We flew them here for our wedding and Primo visits them anytime he is in California and I have visited them with him when I have gone as well.

We saw them last month when we were there. The stepdaughters are married to wonderful men. Between the two couples, they have four small children.

And each of the adults referred to me as "Granma Goldie" - a title I have never asked them to use because it's not my place to suggest such a thing - when talking to the children.

I don't think they could have given me a higher honor. Do you?


  1. One of the things causing the distance between me and my MIL is the fact that she lobbied hard against it when we used "Noni" for my son's step-grandmother's name. It is the name step-Gma's bio-grandkids used and it just seemed to fit her. Step-Gma (not how we think of her, but technically, what she is) is very dear to Son, Husband, and I, and we liked the idea of having a special name for a special relationship. The pettiness of my MIL, as if somehow, the step-Gma's name had some impact on her, was very offputting.
    Glad your story had a lovely outcome.

  2. (I have no idea what's up with this posting name..didn't see how to fix? lol)...

    My last name starts with a G... my hubby's ex kept his last name too (which annoys him since she's the one that left).

    ANYWAY... she made lots of noise about my not being Grandma, Grammy or anything similar as that's her title (even though neither daughter has kids, nor is pregnant at all!) So we've all decided that when/if the time comes I'll be Gigi... for Grandma G. :)

    I like it!