- Primo
My parents couldn't stand Isabel, and they had some good reasons. They actually visited us a few times, and Isabel was a terrible hostess. (The house wouldn't be ready when they arrived, for example, and I had to do everything.)
Me
Did they complain to you that she didn't write to them?
I would be annoyed if my stay at home spouse did not get the house ready for company!
Primo
They did not want contact with Isabel.
Me
they don't want contact with me, either!
so why are they complaining?
Primo
They want you to be a better wife than Isabel, but they think you must not be better because you don't want contact with them.
Primo
You're supposed to want contact with them regardless of what they want.
Me
would you have left Isabel earlier if your parents hadn't been so critical of her?
Primo
You're supposed to EARN their admiration and affection.
Me
but I don't want it!
Primo
There is where I sympathize with them, at least a bit. You should work on having at least a somewhat better relationship with them because doing so will make my life easier.
Me
well, that is why I do it
that is why I write to your mother
they have made it so clear that they do not like me
and I am not going to grovel
but I will write to her if it will keep them off your back
Primo
But you need to acknowledge my dad, too.
Me
they have never been nice to me, not even from day 1
the first time we went to visit, they didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt
Primo
Was my mom nice to you when you went with her alone to that place by the lake?
Me
she was nice, but I think it was mostly because she was happy to be away from your dad!
Sweetie, I wrote the letter to both of them
Primo
I know.
Me
I will do what I need to do to get them off your back
Primo
But only for the first time.
Me
but for my own sake, I don't care any more if they approve of me
because they won't - no matter what I do, they will always criticize
and move the goalposts
Primo
I know, but it's in our mutual interest for them to not actively dislike you.
Me
I know
but if there are any more threats of disinheritance
which is soooo insulting to you!
that you are nice to them only becaus eyou are hoping for a payoff
I hope you tell them again what you told them last year
Primo
They feel abandoned.
Me
but you cannot fix that, sweetie
they are old and lonely and have no friends
Primo
I could spend more time there. They'd feel less abandoned.
Me
but it is not your fault
Primo
I know.
Me
so why didn't you move there?
Primo
I moved here before they moved there!
I was within driving distance of them for all of 9 months.
Me
you could have moved to [by them]
you knew
you knew what life would be like living near them
it's OK to love them but not want to be living near them
they are hard to deal with
doesn't mean you don't love them
but you can't fix their lives
Primo
If I had waited to move from [where he used to live] until later, then my sister had died and they had stayed in [where they used to live], I might have gone there.
Maybe.
Me
maybe
Primo
I didn't consider moving to [where they used to live] because of Nancy, not because of them.
Me
but seriously - why am I criticized for not doing it right when Isabel was not?
Primo
You're supposed to be better than Isabel.
Me
maybe I'm not!
Primo
She was criticized for being a bad wife and mother. There was plenty of criticism.
Me
nice for you, huh?
I wish they would be nicer to you
more grateful for what you do
Primo
But I'm not doing it right!
They need to let me know.
Me
not complaining and not criticizing you
no they don't
Primo
But they need to criticize everyone who isn't doing it right.
Me
why?
Primo
Because that's how my dad is.
Which is why he is lonely and bitter, unfortunately.
Me
he has alienated people
it is his own fault
Primo
But he thinks it's not his problem and everyone else needs to start doing things right.
Me
then he could be happy
if everyone else would change
Primo
Yep.
It's hard to live in a world where one is superior to everyone else but is not recognized for it.
Me
I would be bitter, too
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
In which a friend emails me about Primo's candidacy
I can’t believe Primo is going to take on [his opponent]. After Primo’s last election run (that you said was so much work and so time-consuming), it seems like an awful lot of effort to go through for this particular seat. Not to be overly negative, but there is no way Primo will beat a well-known and well-liked PD incumbent in a heavily-PD leaning district.
Aren’t you more than a little concerned that he is going to spend months of his time (likely months of your time too?) in what is likely to turn out to be a futile effort? If the Stripes want him to run for something, isn’t there some other office he could run for where his chances of winning would be better than slim to none?
Also, I’m confused…..I thought the congressional rep for our area (at least for me) is Alberta Gore?? Now THERE is a perfect example of an embarrassing Stripe. I’d vote for Primo in a primary over Gore in a heartbeat if he challenged her (I can’t stand her). I’d even vote for Primo against a PD if he could unseat Gore. You and I must be in different congressional districts if your rep is [Primo's opponent].
Aren’t you more than a little concerned that he is going to spend months of his time (likely months of your time too?) in what is likely to turn out to be a futile effort? If the Stripes want him to run for something, isn’t there some other office he could run for where his chances of winning would be better than slim to none?
Also, I’m confused…..I thought the congressional rep for our area (at least for me) is Alberta Gore?? Now THERE is a perfect example of an embarrassing Stripe. I’d vote for Primo in a primary over Gore in a heartbeat if he challenged her (I can’t stand her). I’d even vote for Primo against a PD if he could unseat Gore. You and I must be in different congressional districts if your rep is [Primo's opponent].
The answers to these questions are all, "Yes, you are absolutely right and this is insane."
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
In which Primo states the obvious
Me: If your mom were dead, I would tell your dad to go f*** himself.
Primo: Oh I'm sure it would not be the first time someone has told him that.
PS Is there really any reason not to spell the entire word? Isn't it a little precious to substitute asterisks? We all know what I said. I said the actual word. What fiction am I trying to maintain, anyhow? That I am so refined that I never cuss? I try not to - I think it is vulgar - but sometimes, it is the only thing to do.
Primo: Oh I'm sure it would not be the first time someone has told him that.
PS Is there really any reason not to spell the entire word? Isn't it a little precious to substitute asterisks? We all know what I said. I said the actual word. What fiction am I trying to maintain, anyhow? That I am so refined that I never cuss? I try not to - I think it is vulgar - but sometimes, it is the only thing to do.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Sunday, September 21, 2014
In which Primo says he can't be disinherited until he is actually inherited and my mom tries to give me money so I am even with my brother
Oh! I forgot! So while Sly is threatening to disinherit Primo, even though he has not even inherited Primo, as I had noted when I read the will six years ago, my mom is trying to give her money away.
My brother has had a rough time over the past 18 months. He had some eye problems that we were worried might be indicators of multiple sclerosis but fortunately, are not, but still have led to some permanent loss of vision. Considering he does architectural renderings, a loss of vision is a big deal.
He had had his own business for many years, but because of his eyes and other health issues, including some depression, he closed his business. Actually, I think he lost his biggest client and then the depression became worse and my sister and my mom and I were all really worried and we thought my brother might be suicidal and if you have ever watched someone you love go through this kind of thing, you will know how awful the whole thing was. I lay in bed at night, unable to sleep because I was so worried that I would get a call that my brother was dead.
My sister and I convinced my mom to drive down to see my brother and give him some support. My mom spent about a week with my brother and things got a little better. I helped him with his job search, using what I have learned from Alison at Ask A Manager, and he had a new job within a month.
Unfortunately, he lost the job - they didn't like his designs, which is the risk you run in an artistic profession.
Primo and I sent money to my brother. My sister the nurse practitioner talked to his doctor. I prayed.
Last month, my brother got a new job. He starts tomorrow. It is for the state university. Pay is only OK, but benefits are fabulous and I think my brother will do well.
Last week, I got a letter from my mom. It contained a check for several thousand dollars.
My mother is a widow who lives on a very fixed income. She gets some money every month from the VA because my dad's death was classified as service related. (He died from a cancer that has been linked to Agent Orange. He was in Vietnam, so may have been exposed.) But other than that, she just has the money she and my dad saved in the few years they worked in Saudi Arabia. They had no money in the bank when I went to college. The military does not pay a lot.
So my mom sends me $$$$ and a letter explaining that she wants to make sure she is being fair with my brother and my sister and me. She had been helping my brother during his unemployment and with his medical bills.
First, I don't want her money. I mean sure, I would love some extra cash - a lot of extra cash, but I want my mom to have enough money for the next 26 years and even if she has more than she needs to live to 96, I want her to spend it on herself. When my grandmother was in assisted living, it cost $3,000 a month and that was not even the expensive kind - she could feed and toilet herself. I don't want my mom to be in a crummy place and I don't want her denying herself just so she can leave money to her kids.
She is concerned with being fair but I don't begrudge her helping my brother. If he were some lazy bum who wouldn't get a job, then I would be bothered, but he is not lazy. He has always been a hard worker and he has always worked. He has never taken advantage of my parents. If she gave him that money, it was because he really needed it.
Second and mainly, I find it highly ironic that Sly and Doris are threatening to disinherit Primo - Sly and Doris, who have so much more than my mother does, although my mom does not spend money on booze, so perhaps she is ahead of Sly and Doris - while my mom is bending over backwards to make sure that she is treating all her children fairly. This is yet another example of my mom wins over Sly and Doris.
My brother has had a rough time over the past 18 months. He had some eye problems that we were worried might be indicators of multiple sclerosis but fortunately, are not, but still have led to some permanent loss of vision. Considering he does architectural renderings, a loss of vision is a big deal.
He had had his own business for many years, but because of his eyes and other health issues, including some depression, he closed his business. Actually, I think he lost his biggest client and then the depression became worse and my sister and my mom and I were all really worried and we thought my brother might be suicidal and if you have ever watched someone you love go through this kind of thing, you will know how awful the whole thing was. I lay in bed at night, unable to sleep because I was so worried that I would get a call that my brother was dead.
My sister and I convinced my mom to drive down to see my brother and give him some support. My mom spent about a week with my brother and things got a little better. I helped him with his job search, using what I have learned from Alison at Ask A Manager, and he had a new job within a month.
Unfortunately, he lost the job - they didn't like his designs, which is the risk you run in an artistic profession.
Primo and I sent money to my brother. My sister the nurse practitioner talked to his doctor. I prayed.
Last month, my brother got a new job. He starts tomorrow. It is for the state university. Pay is only OK, but benefits are fabulous and I think my brother will do well.
Last week, I got a letter from my mom. It contained a check for several thousand dollars.
My mother is a widow who lives on a very fixed income. She gets some money every month from the VA because my dad's death was classified as service related. (He died from a cancer that has been linked to Agent Orange. He was in Vietnam, so may have been exposed.) But other than that, she just has the money she and my dad saved in the few years they worked in Saudi Arabia. They had no money in the bank when I went to college. The military does not pay a lot.
So my mom sends me $$$$ and a letter explaining that she wants to make sure she is being fair with my brother and my sister and me. She had been helping my brother during his unemployment and with his medical bills.
First, I don't want her money. I mean sure, I would love some extra cash - a lot of extra cash, but I want my mom to have enough money for the next 26 years and even if she has more than she needs to live to 96, I want her to spend it on herself. When my grandmother was in assisted living, it cost $3,000 a month and that was not even the expensive kind - she could feed and toilet herself. I don't want my mom to be in a crummy place and I don't want her denying herself just so she can leave money to her kids.
She is concerned with being fair but I don't begrudge her helping my brother. If he were some lazy bum who wouldn't get a job, then I would be bothered, but he is not lazy. He has always been a hard worker and he has always worked. He has never taken advantage of my parents. If she gave him that money, it was because he really needed it.
Second and mainly, I find it highly ironic that Sly and Doris are threatening to disinherit Primo - Sly and Doris, who have so much more than my mother does, although my mom does not spend money on booze, so perhaps she is ahead of Sly and Doris - while my mom is bending over backwards to make sure that she is treating all her children fairly. This is yet another example of my mom wins over Sly and Doris.
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