In which Primo returns home after being gone for two weeks and we go through all the rituals except having a fight

Primo got home last night from being gone for two weeks. He was not cranky. He is making an effort not to be cranky and not to be a jerk.

"Should I throw cheese?" he asked.

"Nope," I said.

But we went through the other rituals - he had to identify everything new in the fridge and freezer.

And then, I discovered this morning, he had to reconfigure the squeeze points on the toothpaste.

In which Primo brings me peaches

Sly and Doris are finally paying Primo's travel expenses. (I think they should give him a daily stipend as well - his time is worth something and damn, if they had to pay someone else for everything he is doing, it would cost $20 an hour. Plus I should be compensated for loss of consortium and loss of person to do the dishes and the laundry and the loss of person to clean the bathroom and do the vacuuming.) Yet Primo continues to knock himself out to save them money.

As in, he drove six hours to the Atlanta airport because it was cheaper for the car that way.

I asked why he even cared about saving his dad the money. It's not like his parents are indigent - far from it - they have the money to buy a case of bourbon (maybe a slight exaggeration) every week and to pay a maid and a gardener and to have cable and internet and all kinds of things that some people would consider luxury.

I do not begrudge his parents these things. It is their money and they get to decide how to spend it.

It's just that I don't think that Primo should twist himself in knots to save them money. If they can afford the other things, they can afford an extra $100 for car rental.

But Primo loves to get a deal and this somehow worked for him, at least in theory - he likes driving and he especially likes driving back roads and, now that I think about it, it gave him an excuse to leave their house six hours early.

The good news is that he did get to have a nice drive.

The bad news is that he got a nice drive only until he hit the Atlanta freeway and it took an hour longer than he thought because there was construction and he barely made the plane.

The really good news is that he stopped at a farm stand for okra and they also had peaches.

He should have framed it as, "I stopped to get peaches for you!" instead of "I stopped for okra and noticed they had peaches," but bless his engineer heart, he is not a dissembler. That is a good thing.

And now I have peaches. In May.

In which Sly pees in his pants at the hospital and I can't even relish the moment because it is such an awful thing to happen to anyone, even someone I do not like

OK. Primo is back for ten days. He has to return to his mom and dad's (wait - he CHOOSES to return to his mom and dad's) to be there when Sly has the Whipple procedure, which makes me think of squeezing the Charmin.

Did I tell you that Sly has been diagnosed with cancer? He has. I am sure he will not die from this.

He is going to have surgery and Primo is going to be there when he has the surgery. He will stay there for two weeks.

Primo has been on sabbatical for seven and a half months. He has made six trips to Sly and Doris' and has spent over six weeks with them. So he has spent almost 25% of his sabbatical taking care of them and their issues that either would not have happened or could have been resolved much easier if they had actually made some darn plans that included an admission that 1. they are getting older and 2. they are not getting any healthier.

I googled "Whipple procedure" and "alcohol." Guess what? You are not supposed to drink after you have this. I suspected that might be the case - isn't the pancreas (part of which is removed with the Whipple) involved in processing alcohol?

I mentioned it to Primo on the way home from the airport last night, despite the advice of my sister and of the wife of Primo's best friend, both of whom said that nothing I could say would change things and it would just upset Primo, so just be supportive.

Sam's wife wrote:

Primo needs to insist that Sly share with him his financial info. and his end of life care/wishes so that Primo can implement "his" plan when the time comes. This is practical and necessary, is there a safety deposit box, for example, with pertinent papers and financial info. that Primo may need access to. If so, he should have a key or know where it is kept. I am not sure that you can really help Primo at this point; you probably just need to be his sounding board and let him vent -- there is too much baggage and history here. His parents are going to leave a colossal mess for him to clean up; we know this. While you are trying to prevent this from happening, his parents aren't going to play nice and make things easy for him. They are selfish and self centered and not concerned with what they are doing to their son. This is such a sad and unnecessary situation and I am sorry that you and Primo are on this journey. Let us know what we can do...

Your problem is that you are trying to implement fixes for people who are illogical, irrational and unwilling. If everyone was as organized as your family there would be no 'fun' in dysfunction.

She is right. I just need to be supportive. But I also thought, "Now that I have this information about alcohol, do I have a moral obligation to mention it?"

So I asked and Primo said that any time a doctor asks about alcohol, Sly says he has a drink at night and then maybe some wine.

What Sly does not clarify is that for him, "a drink" means "six ounces of bourbon."

He also neglects to mention the after-dinner brandy.

I don't know why Sly thinks it is a good idea to lie to his doctor. I admit the things I am ashamed about to my doctor. What if the information has an impact on how I am treated for something? You don't lie about your taxes and you don't lie to your doctor.

"The good thing about the Whipple is my dad might lose some weight. He could easily lose 50 pounds."

"That would be good - then, the next time he falls on your mom, he won't do as much damage."

Primo rolled his eyes.

Primo said that Sly was reviewing all his meds with the doc.

"He has two Cialis prescriptions!"

"What?"

"One is a low dose he takes every day to help him urinate. It sure works - he pees all the time. The other is on demand."

"Wait. Are he and your mom even - Stop. Wait. Never mind. I do not want to know. But I do not understand how a frail, malnourished woman who has COPD could participate."

"He pees all the time" (and here we had a discussion about why someone would take Cialis to pee). "He had an MRI today. He was stuck in the machine for an hour and really had to go. But rather than go as soon as he got out, he changed back into his own clothes."

"OK."

"And then had to go so bad, he peed in his pants. I do not understand how he could not have held it until he got to a bathroom."

I winced. I do not like Sly at all but this is more humiliation than anyone needs. "Sweetie, your dad is super proud. I expect that he absolutely could not control himself. You know he was just mortified."

Primo sighed. "I guess. I could have held it in. Maybe he does not need to be taking Cialis every day."

"Maybe not."

"So Jack took him to the MRI and they were going to visit my mom after, but couldn't because my dad's pants were wet."

In which I compare Sly to Rasputin, but only in my mind

Primo and I had a big fight on the phone last night. Started because mainly because he was being a jerk but I suppose I was being one as well. He had scheduled a flight back to his mom and dad's on a date and time that meant great inconvenience to me - either I cancel an oral surgery appointment I made a month ago and had told him about or he leave the car at the airport - because you cannot drive for a few hours after you have taken valium or at least I cannot do it - and I would have to go get it.

1. I don't have any friends close enough I feel comfortable asking to drive me 20 miles to the airport. That's at least a one-hour favor.
2. Seriously? Why can't he take a cab? (Leave the question that getting a cab in this city is almost impossible but God forbid we have Uber because THAT WILL HURT PEOPLE.) A cab would be bad because Sly would have to spend an extra $50 and because Primo is a control freak and hates it when someone else is driving.

So then the fight degenerates to "Well change your ticket to leave at 6:00 a.m. as I had suggested and I can take the bus to the dentist" to which the response is, "But that other ticket is $200 more expensive," to which I said, "Like I care? Shouldn't Sly make some of the sacrifices here?"

Which was when Primo got mad and said I should make some sacrifices and I yelled that I HAD ALREADY MADE MY CANCER-RIDDEN PARENT SACRIFICES THANK YOU VERY MUCH and I was not prepared to make them for someone else's father, to which Primo said, "Yeah well you hate my dad" and what was I supposed to say to that?

I wanted to know why Primo is expected to suck everything up and change his life completely - he has been gone for over three weeks now, with one 36-hour visit home - and Sly is expected to do nothing and Primo said "He has cancer!" and I said, "Your father is still at home, does not feel bad, has not gained 50 pounds in water because his kidneys are not working, has not lost one third of his body weight and all his hair from chemo, is not on a morphine IV. Your father does not get to play the cancer card."

Then Primo said that there is a five percent chance that Sly might die on the operating table when he is having the Whipple procedure and I said that means there is a 95% chance he won't die and that I am pretty sure - in fact, I PROMISE - Sly will not die on the operating table.

I wanted to know if Sly was getting his affairs in order - he has time to watch porn and other videos - and Primo said I do not understand what life is like for old people. "He had physical therapy today and then we visited my mother," he said.

"That's four hours, max. What does he do with the rest of his day?"

Primo got mad again and said I cannot expect eight hours of productivity from an old man with cancer and I said no but I can expect one hour a day and Primo said that Sly does not work that way and do I expect him to micromanage Sly? and I said No I do not expect you to micromanage but I expect Sly to think that perhaps he might die in surgery (he won't) and that he MIGHT WANT TO MAKE SURE LIFE IS EASY FOR HIS WIFE AND HIS SON BUT NO! THAT WOULD MEAN THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE BESIDES HIMSELF!

And then Primo said there was nothing he could do and I realized that I was not being supportive and I cannot fix this and I just have to detach and stay out of it because no matter what I say, nothing will change and challenging Primo about it, even when he brings it up as an issue, just makes him defensive and angry.

He said, "Do you know how stressed out my dad gets out about ordinary things? Putting on the trash on Sunday is a huge deal for him. It takes me ten minutes to empty all the trash cans in the house and take everything to the curb, but he worries about getting it done."

(Jack usually goes over on Sunday to take out the trash.)

("The trash" also includes a lot of empty liquor bottles.)

(No, I have no idea why they just don't buy a wheeled trash can. They insist on dragging the bags out to the curb.)

Then Primo said that Ted had said he could be there after May 17 but Primo doesn't want him there until the beginning of June because Primo has some political thing he wants to attend the first weekend in June and Ted said, "But I have my 35 year college reunion!" so Primo got all mad at Ted because he said AFTER MAY 17 and I said that he probably had not thought into June and it is not unreasonable for him to want to attend his reunion and Primo said that he might as well just CANCEL the flight and CHANGE THE DATES since Ted couldn't do it and I said

"You are crazy. Just because Ted can't be there that weekend does not mean you have to be there. Your dad can hire help. You can call an agency and your dad pays. It does not have to be YOU personally."

And he was still cranky because then he started saying, "And it's all ruined and you're still going to expect me to have a job by October" (I will) "and I will not have had ANY time off and it's NOT FAIR."

I said, "No, it's not fair but STOP YELLING AT ME BECAUSE I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN YOUR FAMILY WHO IS NOT F'ING UP YOUR LIFE!"

And we both yelled at each other to SHUT UP and then I said, "I am just going to fedex you some cheese so you can start throwing it" and he said, "I'm sorry sweetie. I'm being a jerk" and I said, "You sure are" and he said, "But you yelled at me" and I said, "You yelled first" and then we fought for a second about who started it and then we stopped.

He said, "I'm sorry" again and said, "I love you."

I said, "I want to hear you say, 'Goldie, you are the only person in my life who is not f'ing it up and if it weren't for you working so I could take a year off, this nightmare would be even worse.'"

So he said it.

Then I said that I would change my oral surgery appointment so I could take him to the airport.

"But I wanted you to have that surgery right before I leave!" he protested. "It's so gross with that pink stuff in your mouth. I don't want to kiss you. I want to be gone while you're recovering!"

I said, "Just for that, I am changing it for sure because I am not having surgery on your schedule just so you don't have to be grossed out."

Then I said that I wanted to sleep and we hung up.

But of course I could not fall asleep because I was too worked up. Then I thought, "It takes about an hour to get to the airport on the bus but I can read my book and you know, this is a solution."

So I called him back and told him we could do that. He said no, he would change to a different flight and I insisted that no, no, no - I would be the one to sacrifice and he said he had been a big fat jerk and I agreed and he said that he is under so much stress and what about looking for a  job? and I said that if he could inherit a million dollars, working would be up for negotiation.

He sighed and said, "My dad is not going to die."

In which Doris is annoyed that Stephanie keeps bugging her wanting to visit

That Stephanie is such a bitch! She called Doris once to ask if it would be convenient for her to bring the grandkids to see Doris and Doris got all pissy and complained to Primo.

Yeah, what an awful thing for someone to whom you have been so mean and said such horrible things about to consider that perhaps you might be bored and lonely after being in a hospital for a few weeks and that you might like to see your grandchildren.

The fact that Stephanie will even consider having anything to do with Sly and Doris after the way they have treated her makes me think she is a saint. She is a far better person than I.

(Primo wants me to send a get-well card to his mom and to his dad. I guess I can do that, but man, I do not want to. I know. I AM a bitch. The main reason I don't want to is because 1. I have to go to Walgreen's to buy the cards. 2. Cards are not cheap and I don't like spending any money on Sly and Doris. 3. I could just write a letter to save the five bucks, but I realize that I would rather pay five dollars than write a letter to them.)

In which Sly has cancer, but not pancreatic cancer, Doris is having cognitive problems, and Primo is resorting to ice cream

It's been a few days. It's been stressful. I want this to be over. But it won't be. Our summer is going to be shot.

This is stressful. Primo is not going to tell Sly and Doris to dammit, would they just focus and take care of things.

My sister pointed it out to me. "I have friends who are adult children of alcoholics," she said. "They are not like us. They have been raised with the guilt and the sense that they have to take care of their parents. You are not going to make him do anything. Just support him. If you try to turn him against his parents, he will resent you."

She is right.

Little things over the past week or so:

1. If there is a funeral, I have asked Primo if it could be scheduled around my friend Leigh's visit. It's not like there would be anyone attending a funeral for Sly or Doris besides Primo and perhaps his half brothers, maybe their wives/ex-wives, and perhaps their children. Sly and Doris have no friends in the area. My friend Leigh is visiting for the first time in six years. I think we can schedule a funeral around her visit. Primo agrees.

2. In the 36 hours that Primo was home, he brought into our house an old magazine he had found at Sly and Doris' house - a 1981 issue of Life. The magazine did not have a story about Sly or an article about Doris. I think it had the Rolling Stones on the cover. Primo's sister had saved it. In 1981. Sly and Doris moved that magazine - if you have never moved, you might not know that you often pay movers by the pound and books and magazines are not lightweight - halfway across the country. Correction. They paid someone to move a magazine that had been in their house since 1981 halfway across the country.

3. Primo was on his way to visit Doris and couldn't talk to me for very long because Doris of "Sly and Doris are so refined and cultured and other retirement home residents would be intimidated by us" just had to watch Barbara Walters interview Bruce Jenner about his sex change.

4. Doris is refusing PT. Primo said she does not want to talk about what is going on with Sly and his cancer.

4a. Sly does have cancer, but it is duodenal cancer in his pancreas or something like that. It is not pancreatic cancer. He will have surgery in two weeks. Which means Primo will be gone again.

4. I think Doris is finally letting herself get angry at Sly and I am wondering what took so long. First, she is refusing PT, which is not helpful at all and a factor in the reason Medicare will no longer be paying for her care. But refusing PT hurts only her so I don't get it. But maybe she is good and ticked at Sly and is punishing herself to get back at him? I don't know. That doesn't seem very smart. But I don't blame her for saying she is really not interested in hearing about Sly's problems - she has enough of her own.

And she is forgetting things, like that she just talked to Primo two hours ago. That is a problem when he calls when they have been drinking, ie, any day after 3 p.m. our time, but she has not, as far as we know, had a drink for the past three weeks.

But she is foggy and forgetful and has no interest in doing anything at all - not reading, not watching TV, not playing cards. Primo is very concerned.

5. The will is still not done. It has not been done for six or seven years. Sly says he needs to know what Ted and Jack will inherit from their mother. Ted and Jack say they don't know. I guess there is NO POSSIBLE WAY TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION.

In related news, my aunt is married to a divorced man with children. When my mom moved to the same town as my aunt, my aunt said, "You have to meet [husband's] ex. She is fabulous. You guys will like each other."

When it would have been uncle's and ex's 50th wedding anniversary, they threw a party.

What was I saying about how there is no possible way Sly could find out what his ex-wife has put in her will? No way at all.

6. Primo found out yesterday that Medicare will no longer be paying for Doris' care. He had until today noon to file an appeal.

I do not have a problem with Medicare's decision: Medicare should not be paying for custodial care.

However - more than a day's notice would be nice.

7.  With Primo gone, I am doing all the housework and all the yardwork. I had gotten spoiled, coming home to a house where the trash had been taken out and the mail brought in and sorted and the bed made and the laundry done and the dishes done and the snow shoveled/grass cut.

Now Primo is gone and I am doing everything. I told Primo that he should charge his parents for his time and for the loss of consortium. "Your dad did that, remember?"

"I don't remember that."

"When your mom fell and broke her wrist in the hospital. Your dad, late 70s, sued for loss of consortium. Because your mom has been so eager to consort."

"He watches porn now."

"Ew. Has he invited you to watch it with him?"

"NO! That would be so disgusting. NO!"

Sunday Sept 13 musings about blogging

Hi everyone,

I have been trying to find other blogs about in laws and have not been having any luck. Are there any you recommend?

Also, in general, what are your favorite blogs?

Mine are (of those who write regularly)

Ask a Manager
Captain Awkward
Privilege
My Big Fat Cuban Family
A Femme d'un Certain Age
Jen on the Edge

I wish I had time for more, but I have to work and The Man doesn't like it when people spend all day online reading blogs.

I have become friends via blogging with people. I have met Lisa at Privilege in person (and she is as lovely in person as she is on paper). Marta (Cuban) and I are facebook friends and so are Tish (Femme) and I. (I insisted that Tish set up a facebook page. :) ) I will meet both of them the next time I am in LA and in Paris. Oh - and Jen at Jen on the Edge!

I have met Jamie (AAM) in person, along with a few other local AAM readers and that was great, as well. AAM readers, Jamie is as articulate and as thoughtful and as funny in person as she is in writing.

This whole blog thing has expanded my world, giving me the privilege of meeting some wonderful people. I feel very lucky.

And I feel extraordinarily lucky to have you as readers. The things I write about here are not things I can talk about in polite conversation. I don't want to bore people by telling the same story over and over but MY GOD - I EAT BACON WRONG! That is a story! I want to tell it!

Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Thank you especially for your wonderful comments of support and concern lately. I don't want to spoil the ending (there is a lag of several months between real time and posting), but I assure you that Primo and I are just fine. :)

xoxox,

GD

In which Primo wonders why his dad does not focus on the darn mission

Primo: I feel like telling my dad that he should be working on getting his/their affairs in order instead of watching a video online, but that seems mean with his cancer appointment coming up on Tuesday.

Me: I do not think it is unreasonable for you to expect your dad to tear himself away from the online porn for one or two hours a day to focus on making life easier for you. Except he doesn't really care that you have completely upended your life, does he?

In which Doris moves into a nursing home and her roommate's daughter and son in law have stage 4 cancer but they are not jerks and in which we discover Sly is Rasputin

Primo: We got my mom moved in. She's feeling a lot better. The nutritionist met with her and the physical therapist came by. So it's good.

Me: Good.

Primo: Oh! I have a story!

Me: What?

Primo: I have a story for you!

Me: Wow!

Primo: I know! I never tell you stories! I never want to hear stories!

[It's true. He wants only the bullet points, none of the drama. That's why I have to have a blog - I have stories to tell and I have to have an audience out there.]

Primo: The roommate's daughter and son in law were visiting. I was nervous because they are skinny and coughing. I asked if they had a cold because I didn't want to shake hands.

Me: You are phobic. And rude.

Primo: I don't want to get sick!

Me: Just eat right and get enough rest and your immune system will be strong.

Primo: Anyhow, I asked them and they said no, they both have stage 4 lung cancer.

Me: What? [Thinking - that is a horrible story!]

Primo: I know. It's awful. But you know what the guy said when he shook my hand?

Me: What?

Primo: "Every time I meet someone new, it's a chance to make a new friend."

Me: Wow.

Primo: He was so nice! Here he is, going through chemo, and he is still nice!

Me: You mean he's not bitter and angry and lashing out at the world?

Primo: You mean he should have said, "Every time I meet someone new, it's a chance to criticize someone new?"

Me: Exactly.

Primo: No! They are both so nice. They asked my mom how she takes her coffee and said they would bring her one tomorrow after their chemo. They are going to chemo in the morning and coming here to see the roommate and they always stop at Dunkin' Donuts first and will also bring my mom a coffee.

Me: Wow. What's it like for your mom to be around nice people?

Primo: Speaking of that. I asked my dad if he would consider not keeping liquor in the house. My mom has been two weeks without booze. If he would stop drinking, then she would, too.

Me: Because there would be no bourbon in the house.

Primo: Yes. I calculated that he drinks about six ounces of booze a day.

Me: Holy smoke.

Primo: Well he weighs 260 pounds.

Me: I would be flat on my back.

Primo: So if he just doesn't have booze around...

Me: Will it make a difference?

Primo: It might help them live longer.

Me: You don't think the damage is already done?

Primo: I don't know. But if they could cut back to just beer and win---

Me: Wait! You said no booze in the house.

Primo: Right. No booze. But beer and wine, yes.

Me: Beer and wine is booze.

Primo: No. Booze is hard liquor.

Me: Oh for pete's sake.

Primo: So then it would be just a few ounces a day. Now he's drinking the booze and half a bottle of wine and maybe a beer.

In which Primo brings some of the junk that Sly and Doris paid by the pound to move across the country to our house

Items hauled back to our house from Sly and Doris' include a Life magazine from 1981. Just a random Life magazine.

In which Sly still doesn't have his affairs in order

You guys, I am tired, tired, tired. Primo and I got up at 4:45 this morning so I could take him to the airport for Round 417illion of the Sly and Doris Irresponsibility Show.

We had a super romantic weekend of paying bills, talking about the taxes, and changing the kitty litter.

We had a super romantic conversation on the way to the airport about Sly and Doris' will, which they still have not finished because Sly does not want to give a number until he knows how much Ted and Jack will inherit from their mother, who married a wealthy man after she and Sly divorced, which is why Sly thought he should not have to pay child support because his kids had a wealthy stepdad, even though Sly seemed to have missed the part that Ted and Jack are his children. His children. Not the stepfather's.

Sly has an interesting way of looking at life. Someone else is responsible for his children because someone else has more money?

Well OK. Nice if you can get that to work for you.

Sly and Doris still have not finished their will, which has been in limbo since I met Primo.

"So your dad is going to screw you on this," I said.

"No, he's not!" Primo answered. "As executor of the will, I can decide how to divide the assets if my dad does not put it in writing."

I sighed. "That's what I mean - that he won't make a decision. There is no decision that you could make that would make all three of you happy. Ted will say he should have more because he has a disabled child who will never live independently. Jack will say yeah, but he has three children, so he should have more. Ted will counter by saying that Sly and Doris already gave Jack $280,000 when they invested in his restaurant. If you have to divide that money, Ted and Jack will make your life miserable."

"He's been waiting for Ted and Jack to tell him how much they are getting from their mom."

"And it is in Ted and Jack's interest how to get and share that information? Besides, why can't your dad just call his ex wife?"

Primo laughed. "He would never call her! She is the devil as far as he is concerned!"

"Yeah, that's your dad. Willing to do the hard things so his kids won't have to."

In which Primo comes home for less than 48 hours and tries to pack in two weeks' worth of relaxing in that time, which is impossible

Primo: I had a morbid thought.

Me: What?

Primo: What if my mom dies?

Me: Well, she is going to.

Primo: I mean soon.

Me: Well. That is a possibility.

Primo: I know.

Me: Would there be a funeral?

Primo: I don't know.

Me: If there were a funeral, I expect I would need to go. But if there is no funeral....

Primo: Yeah.

Primo: I was thinking I should take something to wear to a funeral  back with me.

Me: Or you could leave something that I could take. I mean, if there is a funeral, I would be going.

Primo: Yes! Good idea! What about what I am wearing now? [He is wearing dark slacks, a blue shirt, a tie, and a dark sport coat.]

Me: That would work.

Primo: Not too casual?

Me: Not for a funeral home. It's not like your dad would have anything in a church.

Primo: Nope.

Me: The only thing is-

Primo: What?

Me: The dress I wore to my dad's funeral? I never wore it again. I gave it to charity.

Primo: Oh sweetie. I'm sorry.

Me: Thanks.

Primo: I wish I could have known your dad.

Me: He would have really liked you.

Primo: I would have liked him.

[We both pause as we - or, at least, as I - think about the injustice of Sly being alive and mean to people, while my dad, who was beloved, is dead. My dad, who didn't even have his seventh-grade math students at the DOD school at Sigonella Navy Base on Sicily for an entire semester, but for whom those students had not one but two bake sales to raise the money to buy a yearbook for him and mail it to him with all their signatures. My dad, to whose funeral in a small town with no stoplights flew friends from around the US, one couple bearing a ham in their laps. Sly, alive. My dad, dead. Not fair.]

Primo: I don't think I would attach that kind of importance to my clothes.

Me: OK.

Primo: Why don't I just put everything here and if you need to come, you bring them?

Me: OK.

In which Doris has a heart attack

Yep. She has a mild heart attack. Doris cannot catch a break.

In which Doris decides not to have the surgery

Which makes me wonder if it was not essential that she have it, why was not having it presented as an option all along?

So now the plan is to get her into a nursing home so her knees can heal anyhow, even though it will take longer.

In which I wonder if the hospital where Doris is being treated was designed by the same people who designed Charles de Gaulle airport, ie, people who never gave one thought to the passengers/patients

Let me summarize. I might not have all the activities on the right days, but you will get the idea.

Thursday night: Sly falls on Doris and injures her. She goes to the ER. They check her left knee, which is the one that is swollen, find nothing, send her home.

Monday night: Primo arrives and discovers Doris is completely immobile and in great pain.

Tuesday morning: Primo sees no alternative to calling an ambulance, as he cannot get Doris into a car by himself. Hospital admits Doris because she is dehydrated. They check her knee again and check her hip

Wednesday: Ooops! Wrong knee! And what about her back? Did Sly break her back?

Thursday: Wait - something wrong with the right knee, too!

Friday: But we still need to check the left knee again. We are waiting.

Saturday: And we still need to check the left knee again. We are waiting.

Sunday: More analysis of left knee - oh! yeah! bad stuff on left knee. Have to do surgery.

Monday: No surgery without medical clearance. Fluid in her lungs, so need to take care of that. Pneumonia? Just excess fluid? Who knows? In the meantime, Doris has not eaten since midnight the night before.

Tuesday: Has to pass heart test. Delay in getting test. Finally get test but nobody at the hospital to read it any more. They finally tell Doris she might as well eat.

Wednesday (today): Heart guy wants a stress test before he signs off. Ooops. Looks like Doris has heart problems. Surgery could be risky. Doris trying to decide what to do.