In which Primo and I argue about what constitutes Giving Back

Primo: This guy is just retiring and is running for office. His wife is not happy.

Me: Yeah. I can see that.

Primo: Their kids live in [the capitol city] and she drives there a lot to babysit. She wants to move there.

Me: To be a free babysitter?

[I have no children and my bonus grandchildren are halfway across the country, so I clearly don't Get It.]

Primo: He said no - that the community had always been good to him and it was time for him to give back.

Me: So what's he going to do?

Primo: Run for office!

Me: Running for office is not giving back!

Primo: Yes it is!

Me: No! It is not!

Primo: Yes it is!

Me: No! Running for office is an attempt to impose your worldview on others - which is fine! You are allowed to do that! But there is no noble personal sacrifice in running for office. It is not giving back. Giving back is volunteering for Habitat for Humanity or coaching a Little League team or tutoring little kids in reading. Those are all totally non-partisan and require a sacrifice. Running for office is about power.

Primo: For your side.

In which Primo asks me if I will help him get rid of stuff and I worry that the Pod People have overtaken his body and he will need an exorcism

For Jake's Mom, who knows how it ends :)

In which the IRS tells Primo he has to file returns for the campaign account for the years he didn't run

But then they say, "But if there was no income in that time, you do not have to file a return."

OK, IRS. Thank you for your consistency.

In which Primo goes back to the woman who gave him the check for one hundred dollars

And she opens the door.

And hands him the check.

Someone had found it blowing around on the street.

And had taken it back to her house.

I love my neighbors.

In which a woman writes Primo a one hundred dollar check but he loses it

Primo was so excited when he came back from doing doors yesterday.

"This woman was so excited that I'm running that she wrote me a check!" he said. "A hundred dollars!"

That actually is very cool. For someone to give that much money and to give it without even being asked - that is rare in our experience. I don't think there were many contributions that big from people Primo did not know in his first campaign. This is actually a big, big deal.

This morning, he couldn't find the check. And couldn't find the check. And couldn't find the check.

He was panicking. As he does. Primo is a panicker.

I tried to detach myself from his palpable panic because it does me no good to get sucked into the panic, but I was working from home, sitting at the kitchen table, well within range of his panic.

He couldn't find it. He went out and retraced his steps and still could not find it.

"I clipped it onto my clipboard but it must have fallen out of the contribution envelope," he said, shoulders slumped. "Now it's probably blowing around loose out there. What if someone gets her banking information? What if someone tries to cash it? I have to tell her."

I nodded. "You do."

He sighed. "I have to tell her that I will pay the 'stop payment' fee. I don't want to."

My evil marketing mind jumped on it. "Yes. You do. First of all, because it is the right thing to do. But can you imagine the good PR you would get out of this? All her friends she is going to tell about you? 'This guy came back and told me that he had lost the check  but then gave me $40 to cover the stop payment fee! This is the kind of integrity I want in an elected official!'"

In which Primo decides He Knows Best but I think we are going to hoist him on his own petard

I was at a work dinner last night with a bunch of engineers and the topic of the proper direction for the toilet paper came up, as it does.

There was some argument, as there is.

I told the story of Primo being at his friends Tom and Kathy's house and thinking that he should change their toilet paper for them because they were Doing It Wrong and my co-workers shook their heads, agreeing universally that it is Not Done to change the toilet paper in someone else's home. Just Not Done.

Which is when I had the brilliant idea of having Tom change the toilet paper in our house when he comes to visit next month.

Primo. Will. Flip.

Tom is all in.

And the sincere guy sucks up more of Primo's time but really, Primo does need to learn to deal with this kind of thing

Primo is not good at gently extricating himself from conversation. He is a polite person and he doesn't want to be rude, which is fine, but one must learn to get out of unwanted conversations.

Anyhow, the guy who called talked for a while. He is the guy who in the first campaign wanted, a week before the election, to completely re-design Primo's campaign strategy.

All I wanted him to do was to deliver yard signs.

Which, eventually, he did, but only after I had a few, "Yes, we would love your input but right now, the most important thing that we can do for the campaign is to make sure there are yard signs up in the yards of all the people who said they would take them. It would be an enormous help for Primo if you could deliver a few."

This time, the Nice Sincere Neighbor wanted to know if Primo knew about this guy who had switched from Party Stripe to Party Polka Dots. He lives in the next county over and NSN doesn't know his name, but he is sure that if Primo could meet this guy, this guy would be able to help Primo with his campaign strategy.

Well. That was a useful phone call.

In which the letter is returned from the address Former Tenant gave Keith because apparently, she is unknown to the people who live there

SLAM! Keith and I WIN!

Former Tenant had given Keith an address for someone who Keith thought was maybe FT's mother.

But whoever it was - he addressed it

Former Tenant/Former Tenant's Friend

appears not to know FT.

Someone wrote "Wrong address?" on front of the envelope and returned the letter.

Keith got it today.

He sent it to the address that FT left with him

We wrote a very cordial letter to include with the unopened returned letter explaining that he had mailed the original on May 20, as was clear from the postmark, but it had been returned to him today as the people at that address appeared not to know who FT is.

Oh we are laughing.

FT has made poor Keith's life so stressful and it was all her fault.

He is going to the post office tomorrow to send a

1. flat-rate priority mail envelope
2. certified
3. with return receipt

 Quod erat demonstrandum.

In which my other voicemail is from Keith - the letter he mailed to the former tenant has been returned to him

Apparently - and I have not seen it yet - undeliverable.

This woman.

She has sent nasty emails to Keith about her deposit yet she gave him an invalid address?

In which the very sincere, very nice neighbor who also happens to be a little bit long winded leaves a long detailed voicemail for Primo - on my phone

And Primo and I cannot figure out who it is until after we have played the message three times.

Just as he is sighing and saying, "It's Nice Sincere Neighbor," the phone rings.

It is Nice Sincere Neighbor.

Calling about I don't know what.

But Primo answers my phone just to get it over with.

They are still talking. It's been about six minutes and all I have heard on this side is answers to apparent questions about the national convention - an event over which Primo has absolutely no influence.

In which I am resolved never ever ever to get into the landlord business

OK. Where was I?

Last week, the former tenant (FT) wrote Keith that she had not gotten her deposit back and if he didn't send it, she was going to small claims court.

I told Keith I would help him answer. I asked him to bring the receipt for the certified letter and a copy of the money order he had sent.

He had a receipt for the money order but had not made a photocopy.

He had not sent the letter certified mail.

Let me repeat that because I know your stomach is sinking at this news.

He. Did. Not. Use. Certified. Mail.

He came over clutching a handful of papers.

He is really good about keeping all documentation. But he didn't do it right! I told him and told him to send the letter certified mail so he would have proof!

"But you get all WAHWAHWAH! and I get all confused when you talk!" he said. "I didn't know what certified mail meant."

Oh dear. I do get all WAHWAHWAH! I am very emphatic when I speak and I tell people what to do, especially when I am losing my patience.

But - no proof.

He did, however, have a receipt for mailing a letter on May 20 to the zip code specified in her forwarding address.

We had three pieces of data:

1. A receipt from the post office that a letter had been mailed on May 20 to her zip code
2. A receipt from the bank for a money order for $500, the amount she is getting back from her $1,250 deposit
3. A copy of the information she had given him with her forwarding address

We emailed,

Dear Ms FT,

On May 20, I sent a letter and a money order from BMO Harris Bank (receipt dated May 20 attached) to you at  

FT/Former tenant's friend who lives at this address

Address

City, State, Zip

This is the forwarding address you left with me (copy of note with address attached).

I have also attached a receipt from the post office for the postage for the letter to you. Note that it is dated May 20, as well.

Have you had a chance to check with [your friend] to see if any mail has arrived for you? Would you please ask her if the letter has arrived and let me know? I am very concerned that something may have happened to the portion of the deposit that is due to you. 

Sincerely,

Keith 

We wanted to be snarky and nasty but snarky and nasty might not play well in small claims court. If we would have to go to court, my strategy was going to be keeping Keith calm while FT blew another gasket like she did when she called 911 because we were doing her checkout walkthrough. 

She emailed back,

Keith, 

I will ask, but hope you send a description with the details of how you end up with $500 from $1250 based on contract and checklist of walk thru of condition of departure the only 2 complains you should really charge me is for the Burners not clean $20.00 and the additional general cleaning which are $30.00, Don't forget the deposit given to you was $2000, $750 for rent, $750 deposit and $500 pet.(see pictures) 

Umm. FT. That $750 for rent? That does not get returned.

I don't know what pictures she is talking about. 

The next day, Keith went to the bank to see if the money order had been cashed. It had not. The guy at the bank told Keith not to worry - that he had done everything right and there was nothing for him to do right now. 

I really hoped it had, as it appears that state law restricts a tenant's right to sue about the deposit if she cashes a check for a portion of it.

I know, I know. I know there are bad landlords.

But man there are also bad tenants. Now I understand why no landlord ever raised my rent. I was a really good tenant! And, except for Michelle McMichael in Austin, who was a horrible, horrible landlady who would stop in my duplex just to get a drink of water on her way home from aerobics, I have always had great landlords. 

(Well, the landlord in Miami who did not respond very quickly to my panicked phone calls to him that the roof was leaking and the  plaster ceiling was going to fall in soon - AND IT DID - was not the best, either, but he was just lazy, not a jerk. DO NOT RENT FROM MICHELLE MCMICHAEL IN AUSTIN.)

Keith is a super nice guy. He is a good landlord. He does not deserve to be berated by mean people.

(And I told him not to rent to someone who had been evicted and had filed for bankruptcy! I told him!)

She wrote back on Friday,

Keith, 

Nothing has been received, and based on your pictures that only proves you took $500 out of a bank account and bought a money order for same amount, and you send it to somewhere at [my zip code]. It does NOT SPECIFY it was for and only Former Tenant was able to cash..  I don't know how you going to but you need to track the letter and find out if it got cashed. If by June 10th, 2016 I will proceed with law proceeding. 

When I overlook her meanness and the typos, I think, That woman would make an excellent lawyer.

But it's not Keith's responsibility to track the letter. It's her responsibility to check her mail.

Still, neither of us slept well Friday night. 

I was messaging with a friend whose parents own seven rental properties. She said her dad, who is 93 years old and in hospice for cancer, still has - to this day - nightmares about tenants from years ago.

I will never be a landlord. Never.

In which a labor organization shows that it does not really support Labor

Primo: This labor organization is having candidate meetings next Wednesday.

Me: So?

Primo: This is where they decide if they are going to endorse you.

Me: Oh.

Primo: So it's important that I go.

Me: Why does an endorsement matter so much?

Primo: By endorse, I mean, "Tell their members to vote for certain candidates."

Me: Ah. Yes. Then you need to go.

Primo: They have two sessions. One from 9:00 to 11:00 and the other from 3:00 to 5:00.

Me: That's it?

Primo: Yep.

Me: So --- if you actually have a job - especially a labor or union kind of job - the kind where you get paid by the hour for journeyman work or something like that --

Primo: Uh huh.

Me: You either can't go or it costs you money to go.

Primo: Exactly.

Me: So they really don't care if working people run for office, do they?

Primo: Doesn't look like it.

In which we remember yet another pain in the neck about running for public office and why Politics Is For Rich People Who Have People

Primo has spent hours completing the financial disclosure forms.

I agree with the idea - we should be able to see how candidates and politicians are getting their money - but when it is Us The Candidate completing the forms, I get a little pissy because even though I have an MBA from a top 20 program and I got the highest scores in the class in finance and I worked at the IRS for three months as a temp job, I find these forms incomprehensible and a royal pain in the neck.

As in, you cannot just say that you have $X in your company's 401K program. You have to detail the amount in each fund.

Between us, Primo and I have three company 401Ks and we each have our Roth IRA. Within each program, we have our money split in about six funds. (The first thing I learned in finance was Diversify, Diversify, Diversify.)

If we were rich, we would have People to do this stuff for us. People who would pull each statement and figure out the amount by fund and add up any duplicate funds across programs to see if the amounts meet the reporting threshold.

We would have People to spend hours and hours doing this.

But we are not rich. We do not have People.

This, my friends, is another reason why ordinary folks do not run for office.

Fear for our country.

In which a friend of ours proposes another wine fundraiser for Primo and I laugh, because having a fundraiser at our house is a great way to convert a lot of wine that is worth a decent amount of money into almost no cash