To which I say, "Everyone dies. What makes your dad think he was so special that he was going to live forever?"
Seriously people. You know not the hour. And even if you are proud of your sexual prowess, the people who will clean out your house do not want to see that stuff. Come up with a plan.
Friday, January 20, 2017
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
In which Ted calls Primo and does not try to bully him
Primo: Ted called. He was all chatty and wanted to control the conversation. He wanted to talk about the election and my campaign.
Me: Did he ask about money?
Primo: No. He called because today is my mom's birthday.
Me: That's nice. So no money at all? That doesn't seem like him.
Primo: He said their cash flow is good because they got their inheritance from Ted'sWife's mom.
Me: Still seems weird that he wouldn't ask for more money.
Primo: Oh he will.
Me: Did he ask about money?
Primo: No. He called because today is my mom's birthday.
Me: That's nice. So no money at all? That doesn't seem like him.
Primo: He said their cash flow is good because they got their inheritance from Ted'sWife's mom.
Me: Still seems weird that he wouldn't ask for more money.
Primo: Oh he will.
In which Primo asks the lawyer if he needs to do anything with Ted'sSon's trust and the lawyer offers Primo a great way to bail
Primo: I emailed the lawyer because I didn't know if I was supposed to be doing anything. He wrote back that for Ted'sSon's trust, we could set it up the way his existing trust is structured.
Me: How's that?
Primo: I would be the primary trustee. Bif [Ted's half brother from his mom] would be my backup trustee. Ted and Ted'sWife would be his backups.
Me: So you could resign?
Primo: I could resign and then Bif could decide what to do. If he doesn't care if Ted and Ted'sWife are trustees, neither do I. I just don't care anymore.
Me: You don't want to be the cop?
Primo: Nope.
Me: Your parents didn't trust Ted to handle the money but they didn't want to make a lawyer be the trustee.
Primo: I know. They stuck me with it.
Me: Nice. This is supposed to foster good relations between you and your half brothers?
Primo: Yes I'm sure that was their intention. And look how well it's working.
Me: It's a lovefest.
Primo: I am going to tell Ted he needs to get Ted'sSon's information to the lawyer and I'm going to tell the lawyer to set it all up and then I am going to resign. I just don't care what happens. I don't want to deal with this anymore.
Monday, January 16, 2017
In which Primo dishes the dirt on the sleazeballs in his party
Primo came home full of piss and vinegar after seeing his political peeps.
Primo: Dick was there. He is on the wrong side of this issue! He sided with Tom because they're friends but now their side has lost.
Me: That happens. But - that's not really how it should work, is it?
Primo: No! He's all about the power!
Me: I think he's sleazy. He puts off this vibe - it's kind of creepy. I don't like him. I didn't like him at that party.
Primo: He is not principled at all.
Me: Are any of them?
Primo: I am!
Me: I know you are, sweetie.
Primo: But he is all about the power. He endorsed Tom for office because Tom endorsed Dick when he ran for county mayor. Tom is useless himself and the only reason he endorsed Dick is that he hates the current county mayor.
Me: How on earth would Dick ever be qualified to be county mayor? Has he ever done anything in the private sector?
Primo: He was the manager of a sporting goods store before he ran for office.
Me: Oh. He is eminently qualified to run a multi-million dollar public enterprise.
Primo: Maybe.
Me: He does not seem very bright.
Primo: He isn't.
Me: I think it's kind of sad that some of these political people think that the only place they can thrive is in politics. I mean, it's bad for our political system! Shouldn't you have to have a reasonable amount of intelligence to hold public office?
Primo: Apparently not.
Primo: Dick was there. He is on the wrong side of this issue! He sided with Tom because they're friends but now their side has lost.
Me: That happens. But - that's not really how it should work, is it?
Primo: No! He's all about the power!
Me: I think he's sleazy. He puts off this vibe - it's kind of creepy. I don't like him. I didn't like him at that party.
Primo: He is not principled at all.
Me: Are any of them?
Primo: I am!
Me: I know you are, sweetie.
Primo: But he is all about the power. He endorsed Tom for office because Tom endorsed Dick when he ran for county mayor. Tom is useless himself and the only reason he endorsed Dick is that he hates the current county mayor.
Me: How on earth would Dick ever be qualified to be county mayor? Has he ever done anything in the private sector?
Primo: He was the manager of a sporting goods store before he ran for office.
Me: Oh. He is eminently qualified to run a multi-million dollar public enterprise.
Primo: Maybe.
Me: He does not seem very bright.
Primo: He isn't.
Me: I think it's kind of sad that some of these political people think that the only place they can thrive is in politics. I mean, it's bad for our political system! Shouldn't you have to have a reasonable amount of intelligence to hold public office?
Primo: Apparently not.
In which Primo and I discuss - or, better put, have a one-sided discussion about his possibly getting a job soon if he does not win the election, which could happen because this is such a bizarre year and the people here hate DT so so much that they just might not vote, which would help Primo
Me: I met an IT recruiter at the PMI meeting last week and spoke to him today.
Primo: So?
Me: He's really nice. He places people at [globally-known companies with operations in our city].
Primo: So?
Me: And he is always looking for engineers! For project work!
Primo: Uh huh.
Me: I told him about you and that you hadn't been working for the past two years because of your mom and dad and all he said was that they would really like to talk to you!
Primo: But my technical skills are out of date.
Me: Primo. You have skills other engineers do not have. It's easy to find the technical skills. It is so much harder to find someone who understands the technical stuff and can explain it to people who are not technical.*
Primo: Maybe.
Me: It would be very nice for you to have job, don't you think?
* NB That is actually my job, although at a far less technical level than Primo's old job.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Saturday, January 14, 2017
In which The Guardian is going to do a story about the guy running against the congressman Primo ran against two years ago
Primo: The Guardian is doing a story about Tariq!
Me: The Guardian, as in the newspaper from England?
Primo: Yes.
Me: Why?
Primo: Because - we think - he is a black guy who is running against an entrenched congressman.
Me: You ran against him.
Primo: I know.
Me: I see.
Primo: It's earned media. It's good. So Tariq is going to be taking this reporter around tomorrow and they are going to casually bump into me at a coffee shop where I will be waiting.
Me: Couldn't Tariq just tell the reporter, "My friend Primo ran against this guy two years ago and it might also be interesting to talk to him?"
Primo: Maybe.
Me: The Guardian, as in the newspaper from England?
Primo: Yes.
Me: Why?
Primo: Because - we think - he is a black guy who is running against an entrenched congressman.
Me: You ran against him.
Primo: I know.
Me: I see.
Primo: It's earned media. It's good. So Tariq is going to be taking this reporter around tomorrow and they are going to casually bump into me at a coffee shop where I will be waiting.
Me: Couldn't Tariq just tell the reporter, "My friend Primo ran against this guy two years ago and it might also be interesting to talk to him?"
Primo: Maybe.
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
In which I have to be a Supportive Wife - because sometimes that's what you have to do - and go to a fundraiser for Primo instead of watching season one of Madame Secretary so I am a little bit bitter but I will get over it
Primo: I talked to a lady who said she would have a house party for me!
Me: That's great!
Primo: She wanted to do it on October 11, but that's the night before Yom Kippur.
Me: That's not a good time.
Primo: So it's going to be on October 13,
Me: OK.
Primo: Will you go?
Me: Oh man.
Primo: She's going to make black-eyed pea salsa.
Me: And?
Primo: You like black-eyed peas!
Me: Not the way yankees make them. They don't do it right.
Me: That's great!
Primo: She wanted to do it on October 11, but that's the night before Yom Kippur.
Me: That's not a good time.
Primo: So it's going to be on October 13,
Me: OK.
Primo: Will you go?
Me: Oh man.
Primo: She's going to make black-eyed pea salsa.
Me: And?
Primo: You like black-eyed peas!
Me: Not the way yankees make them. They don't do it right.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
In which Primo slips into a mild existential crisis and realizes he might not be sleazy enough to be a politician
Primo: I am despondent.
Me: Why?
Primo: Because I have no legacy. My life has been nothing. We don't have children. We have accomplished nothing of significance. I probably won't win this election.
Me: Welllll.....
Primo: What's it all been for?
Me: I don't know.
Primo: Plus I don't think I would be a good politician. I went to an event last night and I had to be all nice to the county administrator even though he keeps giving money to my opponent. The administrator and I are in the same party! Why does he support my opponent?
Me: Because he is a pragmatist and your opponent holds the office now and the administrator just wants to be able to work with him.
Primo: But he doesn't have any principles!*
Me: Most politicians don't.
Primo: I think he is just interested in power.
Me: Uh huh.
Primo: But that's not what it's supposed to be about! It's supposed to be about making things better for the community!
Me: I know. But most politicians are kind of sleazy and they're in it for themselves. You are way to honest for that.
Me: Why?
Primo: Because I have no legacy. My life has been nothing. We don't have children. We have accomplished nothing of significance. I probably won't win this election.
Me: Welllll.....
Primo: What's it all been for?
Me: I don't know.
Primo: Plus I don't think I would be a good politician. I went to an event last night and I had to be all nice to the county administrator even though he keeps giving money to my opponent. The administrator and I are in the same party! Why does he support my opponent?
Me: Because he is a pragmatist and your opponent holds the office now and the administrator just wants to be able to work with him.
Primo: But he doesn't have any principles!*
Me: Most politicians don't.
Primo: I think he is just interested in power.
Me: Uh huh.
Primo: But that's not what it's supposed to be about! It's supposed to be about making things better for the community!
Me: I know. But most politicians are kind of sleazy and they're in it for themselves. You are way to honest for that.
* There is plenty of other evidence to support this point. I don't think there is anything wrong with being pragmatic, but the county administrator is a rich kid who bought the office with his dad's money and has never had to rely on working to support himself. I don't like the way he operates.
Monday, January 9, 2017
Thursday, January 5, 2017
In which someone from Primo's party calls Primo a "pusillanimous troll" for saying he's going to vote for the party candidate instead of a third-party candidate
Which seems kind of odd to me as third-party candidates have not done well, at least not in recorded history, but perhaps the name caller knows some strange magic that is unavailable to the rest of us, a magic where Ralph Nader does win instead of screwing it up for the Dems.
I have always found that calling someone an insulting name is the best way to get him to do what I want. Primo agrees with me and told this person, "Thank you for showing me the error of my ways! I will change now. I will vote for the third-party candidate and that candidate will triumph and we will all be happy!"
I have always found that calling someone an insulting name is the best way to get him to do what I want. Primo agrees with me and told this person, "Thank you for showing me the error of my ways! I will change now. I will vote for the third-party candidate and that candidate will triumph and we will all be happy!"
Sunday, January 1, 2017
In which Primo doesn't want my mom to use the Good Glass
Mom: Which glass is mine?
Primo: I don't know. Just take a clean one from the cupboard.
Mom reaches for a glass and selects not one of the brewery souvenir glasses but something Primo got at a political event and labeled as such.
Primo: But not that one!
Mom: What?
Primo: Not that one.
Me: Why not?
Primo: What if it breaks?
Me: Because my mother is in the habit of throwing glasses to the floor?
Primo: I don't know. Just take a clean one from the cupboard.
Mom reaches for a glass and selects not one of the brewery souvenir glasses but something Primo got at a political event and labeled as such.
Primo: But not that one!
Mom: What?
Primo: Not that one.
Me: Why not?
Primo: What if it breaks?
Me: Because my mother is in the habit of throwing glasses to the floor?
In which my mother OF COURSE is a net benefit to our house instead of a timesuck
My mom just asked if there was anything she could do to help. I asked her to repair the loose doorknob on the upstairs door. Was that wrong?
Saturday, December 31, 2016
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