Monday, January 11, 2010

In which we set a wedding date

July 2008 Primo's divorce, at long last, is final. Do I talk about that whole ordeal on this blog? Are ex-wives and their machinations covered here? Hmm. I will have to think about that. Because oh boy. The good news is that we got Chloe and Claudia, Primo's sweet, wonderful stepdaughters, out of that deal.

We have bought a house, moved in. Yes, I know we are doing things in the wrong order, but there are logistical and legal reasons for us to do it this way. Trust me. It is not how I want it. I am a nice Catholic girl, remember?

Know that I am not a homewrecker. I met Primo three years after he and his ex, whom we shall call Isabel, split. They were not divorced because she had not found a new job* and did not want to get her own health insurance.

Understandable. I was laid off from my job right before Primo and I met and rather than pay hundreds of dollars a month for cobra, I found a $5,000 deductible major med plan that cost me about $160 a month. I can see why Isabel wouldn't want to spend her money on a plan like that when she could spend Primo's money on a Cadillac plan instead. It's always easier to spend someone else's money.

We need to be married before the end of the year for tax reasons. I am nothing if not practical. Primo's income taxes will be much less as a married man.

I want to elope. Since the beginning of the year, I have sold a house, moved to another city, put my things in storage, moved into Primo's apartment, found and bought a house, moved Primo's stuff into the house and moved my things in storage into the house. Yes, Primo has been involved in more than half of these activities, but I have done most of the planning and I am plumb tired.

Oh. And dealt with a flooded basement while Primo was out of town. And dealt with rebuilding a rotten balcony. Not by myself, the rebuilding. But with a contractor. And you know what that means. While Primo was out of town. Not that I am incapable of handling these things because I am not, but the last thing I want to do is plan a wedding. I just want to be married, not organize a lollapalooza.

Primo's parents have told him several times that they do not care if they watch him get married again. They were there for his wedding to Isabel. They warned him about her, didn't they? Must they go through this again?

My mother, who has no married children, has reluctantly agreed to an elopement as long as she is present for the blessing of the marriage. We would have a civil ceremony here and then have a priest bless the marriage in my mom's presence. Doris and Sly couldn't object because they are atheists. Win/win.

We ask Sly and Doris one more time, just to be sure.

Of course they want to be at our wedding!


In retrospect, we should have just eloped. But Primo had been wanting Sly and Doris to visit him for a long time. We thought we might as well get everything over with all at once. Oh, what fools we were.

My brother and Primo's brothers are self employed. My mother and Primo's parents are retired. The only people with schedules to consider are my sister, a neo-natal nurse practitioner whose schedule is set three months in advance, Paster G and Father T. We find a date that works for those three and set it.

Primo calls Sly and Doris to announce the date. He gets off the phone, says, "They'll need to see if they can find someone to watch the cats."

I ask, "Do they understand that you were telling them the date and not asking them if it works for them?"

He answers, "I think so." He considers the question some more. "I'm not sure. They might think we're willing to change the date. We're not."

I suggest, "Maybe you should call them back and clarify that."

* It helps to look.


  1. Ex's? Oh, the stories I could tell about ex's. Stories that involve boob jobs and tattoos and restraining orders and death threats. Yeah.

    Beloved and I DID elope. We'd been to Hawaii twice before, and everyone thought we were just taking another vacation - the last thing I wanted was to listen to our combined five children carry on about the details of our marriage (or, in at least one instance, be pissy because we were getting married at all). So, we called everyone to wish them Happy New Year on January 1 (we were in the exact opposite situation - we waited until the next year to marry for tax reasons) and sprung it on them that we were getting married the next day. Worked out GREAT for everyone concerned.

  2. They could have brought the cats. Just sayin'.

  3. Seriously? Watch the cats?
    you can't make this stuff up...

  4. Jan. Death threats? Really? Oh my! No, nothing so dramatic with Bertha. Just a lot of martyrdom and pure-D meanness. Yes, I will have to tell some of those stories. I've decided.

    LPC. They could have. It's not like this isn't a cat-friendly house. Or, if they hadn't alienated their neighbors, they could have asked the neighbors to feed them. Or, asked my sister in law, who is the nicest person on earth and who lives ten minutes from them, to feed them. Honestly. The cats. Who will watch the cats?

    Maureen. No. I could not make this up. I do not have that much imagination.