Sunday, October 25, 2015

In which I have survived the first 36 hours and might survive the second with the xanax Stephanie gave me yesterday

I am 36 hours into this endeavor. I am exhausted. I have 36 hours to go. I just want to survive.

There has already been so much drama. I am taking notes and will tell you all about it later. Too much going on right now.

But here are some high points:

Ted and TW's told Primo that because he is the executor of Sly's will and a trustee on his trust that it is up to Primo to "make the hard decisions" and "guide Sly to the right decision." It is Primo's job.

TW's also told Primo that he was lucky that he was unemployed and that we are not "financially strapped" because it is giving Primo the opportunity to take care of Sly.

Then she said it to me.

"Isn't is so lucky that Primo doesn't have a job so he can take care of Sly?" she asked.

She had just told me that she was not going to let Ted stay there longer than two weeks. "He has things to do at home!"

I replied, "It was not our plan that he spend the year doing this. He was supposed to be taking a well-deserved sabbatical, not washing Sly's urine-soaked clothes."

Then she said, "And of course it's really lucky you guys aren't financially strapped so you can do this!"

And to that, I had no answer. Here's what I wanted to say:

1. "Ted'sWife, I do not work as a hobby. Having Primo not work for a year is a real sacrifice for us and we are not making it so Primo can take care of his parents and listen to his dad complain about what bad taste Primo has in women and give Sly his urine bottle."

2. "Ted'sWife, we are not 'financially strapped,' but we are not rich. We do not live paycheck to paycheck, but frankly, anyone our* age and with our education and our opportunities who has not had disaster in their lives should not be 'financially strapped.' We are very very careful with our money and the only reason Primo is taking a year off is because we are so frugal."

* Meaning Ted'sWife, Ted, Primo, and me. Those people are the "our" in this statement.

3. "Ted'sWife, has your husband ever considered getting a job? Have you guys considered not parking in the short-term airport parking when much cheaper parking is available? Have you considered eating leftovers instead of throwing them away? There are ways to prevent being 'financially strapped.'"

See the Ceramic Cat of Many Colors above? It is on Doris' mantle. It is a Companion Cat to the one she sent to Primo. (I had to show the photo of the one she sent to us because the original photo I posted was not showing.)


  1. The cat is actually still in the packaging? Please tell me you rescued it and reunited it with it's twin.

    1. No, it was out of its packaging and sitting on the mantle. It does beg to be reunited, doesn't it?

  2. I really feel for Primo - he's in a world of hurt over losing his mom and his dad's quickly deteriorating health and Ted & Ted's Wife are giving him marching orders? Has anyone ever guided Sly the Smartest Man in the Room to do anything? I doubt it. TW and Ted are quite a pair.
    And that you think you were regifted?

    1. Not regifted on the cat. I think Doris did what I do with my sister a lot - I will get something for her and will love it so much that I get one for myself, too!

  3. "Isn't it lucky? (For us! for Sly!) that Primo has the time and money to do everything so we don't have to! Ted has important things to do at home, and clearly Primo doesn't!" Unbelievable.

    1. emma, that would be the correct interpretation!

  4. "Ted and TW's told Primo that because he is the executor of Sly's will and a trustee on his trust that it is up to Primo to "make the hard decisions" and "guide Sly to the right decision." It is Primo's job."

    Serious suggestion: I suggest that Primo “guide" Sly to set aside a chunk as restitution for all the running around Primo has been doing (caretaker-type-fee, look up some senior-care/senior-advocate stuff on this), and then divide the rest equally. In part, because Primo will need another sabbatical year to recover from his sabbatical year.

    I also suggest telling TW the next time she or somebody else says anything about this that the fact that you are not “financially strapped”: “Yes, we’re lucky for that. But it doesn’t mean that it’s still not a financial hardship.” and something along the lines of “There were other important goals that Primo was supposed to be accomplishing with this year that are going to come back to bite us because he has been spending all his time here instead of being able to do them.” Make up a couple if you need to create concrete examples they’ll understand in their wallets (which seems to be where all their attention is). Aging boiler is going to damage the plumbing because he hasn’t had time to take care of getting it replaced and if that happens it’s likely going to cost more to fix all of it and you know we’re operating on one salary right now so we don’t really have spare cash like that…, etc.

    I.e. “Yes, it’s “fortunate”, with a dollop of “it doesn’t mean that it’s not a problem/we’re not paying for it in some (other) form.” - every time. Counter that narrative all you can.

    - Anonymous Cat

    1. Anon Cat, that is a fabulous idea. Primo is still dealing with Sly issues - that is almost all he has done on his sabbatical year!

      As far as TW - exactly! Primo was going to paint the garage and the trim on the house. He was going to replace our horrible stove and our broken microwave. He was going to go through his boxes in the basement. He was going to clean out his office.

      None of that has been done.

      I cannot stand Ted and TW.

  5. Ted is a jerk and that cat is pure awesome.