Saturday, January 23, 2016

In which Primo and I have our wedding anniversary and we don't get any weird presents from Doris may she rest in peace and I mean that but Primo doesn't do it right

It was our wedding anniversary the other day. Primo was still in Florida. I bought him not one but two cards.

The first one had a picture of kittens on it - kittens are Primo's favorite - and the second one said, "My feet are cold. Your feet are regular human temperature. That's why we work."

We are not into mushy cards, Primo and I.

My poor mom. She sends these beautiful sentimental cards with flowers and lace. They are lovely and sincere and all about how much she loves me. I love my mother. I love her a lot. I am very lucky to have her.

But I am not a good card sender. I keep sending her cards like, "When you are old, I will make sure your socks match."

That is not sentimental. It's funny, but it's not emotional and I think she would prefer an emotional card. I need to buy her emotional cards. That's what she likes. I need to think about what she wants, not about what I want to send her.

Bad, bad daughter.:(

Anyhow, I got Primo the two cards. No gifts (as if A YEAR OFF FROM WORKING ISN'T GIFT ENOUGH) because we have more stuff than we will ever need and I am trying really hard to get rid of stuff and because I have baked him three pies, one tart, and one Danish in the past three weeks. (We have a lot of pears from our tree.)

I gave him the cards when he got back from Florida. His face fell. "I didn't get you anything!"

Me: That's OK. You still have this weekend. :)

Primo: Thank you, sweetie.

Next day.

Primo: I'm on my way home [from a political thing he attended.] Is there anything you want me to get?

Me: It's our anniversary. You can get me some chocolate. :)

[I am writing the smiley faces so you can get the tone.]

Primo gets home
Me: Oh. No flowers. :(

Primo: I'm sorry, sweetie!

Three days later, Primo going to the grocery store and to do other chores.
Me: And an anniversary card! And flowers! And chocolate!

Primo, coming home: I didn't think you meant it!

Two days later
Primo: I'm at the store. Do we need anything?

Me: Some. Chocolate.

Primo: But we already have chocolate.

At home
Me: Where's the chocolate?

Primo: I didn't think you meant it! You say you want to lose weight for the reunion and we have an entire chocolate drawer!

Me: I was working on my book and was re-reading old emails from when we were first dating. Remember how you walked to the florist in Memphis to buy tulips for me? Listen to this:

I like you, I trust you, I'm hot for you, I respect you, and I don't want to face or even imagine life without you.  (Why would I want to?  Everything is better with you.) I've always said that I wouldn't settle again, that I would wait for the person who has everything I need. My wait is over.  I sensed that right away with you; I felt that you were the right one and that's why I let myself fall in love so quickly.  Lately, though, something has changed.  I've gone from feeling and thinking that you were the right person for me to being sure of it.

Primo: Wow. Who said that?


Primo: I'm not doing it right, am I?

Me: Nope. Give me your hand.

Primo: Hey! What are you doing?

Me: I am writing an "X" on your hand.

Primo: Why?

Me: So that tomorrow, when you are out, you will see it and remember that your wife wants you to do something to show that you are still hot for her. See it and do something. SOMETHING.


  1. They need to be trained. Big Daddy is now well aware when I say I want something I am not kidding. And I don't always want something so he gets time off. I also learned his best present is permission to buy his own present. To each his own I guess.

  2. I'm very lucky that Ms. Avenger is also of the very practical, we-can-celebrate-any-time-as-long-as-we-celebrate mindset. We actually had the opportunity to travel to northern Europe the year before our 20th anniversary, so we made that our 20th anniversary trip. Which was good, because it turned out that my dad was scheduled for surgery the day before our 20th anniversary, and he was discharged from rehab the day after my birthday, so I was home for neither, but we still used those occasions to go out to a nice restaurant at some point. :)

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Maybe it's something in the water? Last month, I take Husband his morning coffee. "Mffgfmmmh," he mumbles, which is fine because he was mostly asleep. I say "Happy anniversary!" His response? "Oh, crap." I told him we were good if he bought me dinner. I'm pretty sure the modern anniversary gift for 14 years is Swiffer refills, so I figure a fancy dinner means I came out ahead.