Sunday, January 7, 2018

The Candidate's Wife: Ted's email to Primo is not as awful as I thought it would be but then even a stopped clock is right twice a day, but he is not staying at our house, no matter how nice his email is

Ted sent this email and it actually reads like the email of a nice person who has never

1. Screamed at Primo
2. Implied that Primo is dishonest and/or stupid
3. Screamed at Primo
4. Tried to get Primo to reimburse him for the expense he incurred attending his own father's funeral.*

So it's a nice note and I am suspicious.

Because there is nothing in my history with Ted that indicates that he is a nice person.

Delightful note you sent and I hope to help with more than a small unsolicited contribution!

Shall dispense with small talk for now but please note very proud of you and I like reading about your “productive fundraising.”
 A few ideas:
1. Depending on circumstances (my mom’s health, status of work commitments), I would be eager to pop by at or near election time on my dime and work in the trenches for you. Give that some thought. Our local politician/acquaintance impressed me a few years ago when I went to volunteer because his (out-of-state) brother was manning the volunteer shop and walking people through the top-line talking points, etc. Obvious considerations would be keeping me on point and preserving your wine cellar in the evenings.
2. Doubt I can do much here here with my erstwhile political networks, outside of begging a few friends to donate a little money.
3. This is my Big Thought (and related to my core experience): I suggest that you make several short-form “pitches” about you, primarily, and your platform, second. With a tiny bit of inexpensive production savvy (which I’m happy to provide from afar at no cost), I believe that you can get across to multi-generational voters with what used to be expensive political commercials. You run these on your website and FB, obviously, but I’m thinking that other outlets—traditional and new—would be receptive to running :10, :15, :30, and maybe even 1:00 and 1:30 spots in rotation. Need to noodle on this a bit more.
Key point, Primo, about #3, is to emphasize you and your dedication to constituents. In today’s ideology-heavy society, I still feel a glimmer of hope for good, strong, positive politicians who are genuine. You fit the bill.
love big bro

I really am torn. This is a lovely note. I cannot deny that.




There is nothing in history to indicate that Ted will not turn into a jerk in a second. That he will not scream at Primo or send him nasty emails or make demands.

I do not trust him.


If he wants to help Primo from afar, that is fine. If he wants to ask his friends to send money to Primo, that is fine.

But. He is not invited to stay at our house. LordHaveMercy, that would stress Primo out so much and by extension would stress me out. Plus it would also stress me out without Primo's stress.

Reasons for stress if Ted visited

1. Primo would have to clean out the guest room, which is actually a good thing. My philosophy is that a man who has an entire bedroom of a house dedicated as his office and who has boxes and boxes of crap in the basement does not need to also have his stuff strewn all over the guest room. Or the landing. Or the stairs. Or the hall. So for that reason - a cleaned guest room, it might be worth it to have Ted visit.

Hahahaha! I was joking! As much as I hate having Primo's crap strewn all over the guest room, I hate the idea of having Ted in my house - of ever seeing him again - even more.

2. Primo would have to pick Ted up from the airport. He would be late picking him up but you know what? I don't care about that.

3. Someone would have to feed Ted. Someone would have to plan meals.

That someone would not be me.

4. I believe Ted is a drinker and I am not interested in being around Ted when he is sober, much less when he is drunk.

5. Primo would be cranky about someone using the guest bathroom, which, in normal times, is just his bathroom.

6. Primo is already stressed out about just answering Ted's email. Seriously. He has mentioned it several times in the past few days - that he has to answer Ted's email ("No you don't" I tell him) and he doesn't know what to say ("Tell him to tell his friends to send money and thanks and that's it").

He is ignoring my advice and is just being stressed. If there's this much stress about answering an email, imagine the stress of having a visit.


Ted cannot visit us. It would cause too much drama.

However, it is very nice and very unusual to get an email from him where he is not being a jerk. So we will take that.

* Although I still have mixed feelings about this one. If my father had abandoned to an alcoholic mother when I was four years old, then moved away, then tried to get out of paying child support for me, and then said he was not going to pay for my college but paid for my younger brother's college, I, too, would have mixed feelings about attending his funeral. If it were I, I would go only to make sure he was dead.

Oh wait. That was me. And that is the only reason I attended Sly's funeral. That and because it was important to Primo, whom I love.


  1. My first impressions of the note are 1) Ted wants something, and 2) Ted expects to RUN Primo's campaign office. What he wants might merely be a better relationship, largely since his browbeating did not work, but whatever the reason, I hope Primo knows that not every overture has to be unconditionally accepted. Some of us are conditioned by family to expect a blowup if we don't accept these types of overtures unconditionally.

    But whatever the reason, if Primo wants a better relationship with Ted, he should stick with his so far successful course of setting boundaries and enforcing them, because otherwise it will likely fall back into the same abusive pattern. IMO, he's gotten this far by not giving in to the abuse over the trust.

  2. I think the Cosmic Avenger is right on. Ted is the son of some point, Ted will say "Look at all I've done for you and your campaign! I have turned down other projects to help you!" and he will try to guilt or persuade Primo to pay for his services and his oh so excellent advice. The video promo will get more and more involved and costly...Ted will expect to be running the office, too and of course, the office manager needs a salary! It wouls all end in tears.