The Candidate's Wife: Turns out I am an unreliable narrator, although in my defense, I did not have all the facts

So I wrote this headline last month as a reminder about the story - and now I cannot remember what I wanted to write about.

I think it was about how I have been thinking that The Challenger is such an Awful Person but she's not, really. She has a right to run. Any citizen has a right to run. Nobody owns a certain seat and nobody should feel intimidated from running for a seat just because it is somehow perceived that it is someone else's "turn."

There are no turns in politics.

There is only now and what is good for our country and the person for whom people want to vote.

Primo does not have a right to be the only candidate.

But I have been a little bit cranky about it because this was maybe going to be the year he finally won and because we have invested so much emotionally in his running.

Investing emotionally is dangerous. One of the first things you learn in business school is to ignore sunk costs, which is a fancy way of saying that only the now matters.

So take what I say about The Challenger with a grain of salt. I do not know her. I do not know her motivations. I do not know if she is good or bad or mean or nice. What I do know is that she has every right to run. Even if she and Primo do agree on things. Even if it is his turn (which it is not).

The Candidate's Wife: The Lady or the Tiger

Me: Oh. No.

Primo: What?

Me: [College roommate] posted a photo on facebook of her with [my college boyfriend]. It looks like he's wearing Birkenstocks.

Primo: So?

Me: It makes me think that perhaps, I made the right decision.

Primo: But Birkenstocks are good for people with foot problems.

Me: I don't care.

Primo: Would you rather have a man wearing Birkenstocks or a man who's a politician?

Me: Oh man. That's tough.

Blogger has not been telling me about comments!

You guys, I promise I have not ignored your comments intentionally! Blogger has not been emailing me about comments. I usually write a bunch of posts all at once and then stay away for a week or two, checking comments on hotmail.

I don't know what's going on that blogger has decided to start keeping secrets from me.

While I try to fix that, tell me what this is.

The Candidate's Wife: A big developer supporter tweets in support of The Challenger

The facts:

1. Primo has been heavily involved in state-level party politics for eight years.

2. The Challenger has not, to Primo's knowledge, ever attended a single party event in the district, in this county, or in the next county. (The district spans two counties.) Which is fine. There are no rules about who can run for office. OK, there are, but having attended events is not one of them.

3. The Big Developer Supporter is very active in state-level politics. His boss is very active. His boss spent a lot of money - $700K* - in the most recent election cycle trying to ensure development-friendly candidates were elected and, more importantly, development-unfriendly candidates were defeated.

4. Big Developer Boss has met Primo. They Do Not Agree on development.

5. There do not appear to be any intersections between BDS and BDSB and The Challenger.

Yet -

When The Challenger got a puff piece about her candidacy (more power to her - she is an excellent marketer) put in the paper, BDS tweeted it, along with a note that "Challenger is one of many bright new candidates!"

We have questions. How does BDS even know who Challenger IS? And why does he support her? BDS has been in our house for an event Primo hosted for another candidate. He knows Primo. He knows where Primo stands.

I guess he does not agree with Primo.




* When you inherit money, I guess it's like water. It seems free.

The Candidate's Wife: Why not just sight with the left eye?

Oh. Because then he would have to shoot left handed.

And he is right handed.

I hope I have not given you enough information to identify Primo in real life now.

The Candidate's Wife: The turkeys are safe

Me: How was it?

Primo: It was fun! Except for the getting up at 6:00 a.m. part.

Me: What did you like? The quiet? The view? The hanging out?

Primo: It was pretty and it was nice hanging out with [neighbor]. He's a really nice guy.

Me: Except you didn't catch anything.

Primo: I discovered that even though I have really good vision, I can't use a gun scope easily because I can't close my left eye! I can only close my right eye.

[And as I write this, I wonder, "Then why not just sight with your left eye?" I will ask Primo, dear readers! Stay tuned!]

Th Candidate's Wife: Primo goes hunting

Tomorrow, our (very nice) neighbor is taking Primo hunting.

This will be interesting.

The Candidate's Wife: Primo is tormented about confronting his challenger

Primo: I've been invited to a candidate forum tonight.

Me: Are you going?

Primo: I should. I need to see her speak. But I don't even know if I want to run. It's been so nice this past week not campaigning. We could have our life back!

Me: I know. But I don't want you to regret anything. And I don't want you to withdraw from the race because you are scared of her. It's OK not to want to run or to be a legislator but I think you would regret withdrawing from fear.

Primo: It's not that I'm scared of her; it's that I am so tired of the BS. I ran before because someone had to run. But now, if someone else wants to do it, fine. I don't care. I don't have to have this. I've had my career. I don't need this to pay the bills. I don't need this bullshit from her or from other people in my own party.

Me: I will support whatever you want to do.

Primo: I have to know, but I don't want to deal with her or with Not Running Again.

Me: He's a jerk.

Primo: Maybe I should just go to this other event.

Me: Maybe.

Primo: But I want to see what she says.

Me: So go.

Primo: I don't want to speak. But I would have to. How do I talk about how I am the best candidate if I am not even sure I'm running?

Me: You ARE the best candidate. You ARE the person better positioned to win in November. You have been involved in trying to make things better for the people in our district for eight years. You're the one who's been in it since the beginning, not the one who shows up only when there is a chance for your party to win.

Primo: I am.

Me: You could just hit your talking points and ignore her.

Primo: I could.

Me: You talk about how you've been here from the start and how your numbers have gone up in each election and you have the name recognition and are the one who can beat the other party.

Primo: What if she says something about me when she talks?

Me: You don't address anything she says. You stick to your script. You don't let yourself get distracted.

Primo: But what if she brings up the highway construction?

Me: Then you ignore her. People who know you know this has been in your platform from the beginning. You have been writing about it for months now. Here's what you do - you talk about how the district has not been winnable since 2010, when the lines were re-drawn, but that you have been in it since then, fighting for the people of [the state], speaking at public hearings, protesting, whatever. Because she is going to say, "Why should you vote for this middle-aged guy who has lost three elections? It's time for someone new, blah blah blah."

Primo: She won't say that!

Me: She would if I were coaching her.

Primo: Why?

Me: Because those are your perceived weak points and that's where I would have her attack you! You have run three times and have not won. You need to make sure people understand that the district has not been winnable until now - that even the incumbent [who was from Primo's party] wouldn't run again after the re-districting.

Primo: You think she would say that?

Me: I would tell her to. I would also tell her to hit the woman and mom thing hard. Which means you have to make sure to refer to [his stepdaughters and grandchildren]. People think that people without children don't have a stake in the future. You do have children. You have grandchildren. You talk about public education and college costs and say that you were able to pay to send your two stepdaughters to college but you worry that college is becoming unaffordable and that it might not be so easy for your grandchildren to go. You just mention them - don't make a big deal of it - but get it into the conversation that you have kids.

Primo: OK.

Me: Stick to your script. Don't let her throw you. Ignore what she says. You can do this. You really are the better candidate.

Primo: People who I thought were my friends are supporting her.

Me: That just means they are better friends with her. And it's just four people, right?

Primo: What if I see NRA?

Me: You give him the cut direct.

Primo: I pretend I don't see him?

Me: Exactly.

Primo: I just act like he's not there?

Me: Yes.

Primo: What if he talks to me?

Me: Cordial response, look past his shoulder, say, "Excuse me, I have to talk to whoever."

Primo: I don't like him.

Me: He's a jerk.

Primo: This whole thing has me so stressed out.

Me: I know, baby. It's hard.

The Candidate's Wife: Primo's own party criticizes him and he thinks, Really, guys? and - I love him but politics is not for people who expect niceness

To which I say, "You know this is what life would be like every single day if you became a legislator? That people in your own party will be pissed at you if you don't toe the party line every single time? That you will face criticism from within the party unless you do exactly what they tell you to do?"

What did Primo do to make The Legislator Who Compared Himself to Thomas Jefferson and James Madison upset?

(Sort of compared himself, but Primo's campaign manager nodded sagely when I told him the story of how Legislator wondered why I didn't help Primo campaign and how our Founding Fathers were not citizen legislators. CM said, "Yeah, he does that.")

Primo went to a teacher protest.

A union leader posted a photo on facebook about the protest and wrote he wondered why more legislators from the school district had not attended the protest.

Primo commented that he had wondered the same thing.

As soon as Primo told me that, I thought, "Oh no. That - was not wise."

But Primo does not read behind the lines and takes everything at face value and he says what he means and doesn't do passive-aggressive.

So he was just wondering.

That's all.

But - ouch.

"You - sort of - called them all out," I said.

He was bewildered. "But I just wondered! And then Legislator Who Is Not Thomas Jefferson got really mad and sent me a message and copied a lot of the other legislators."

Me: Ignore him. Campaign Manager says he's a punk and he's right.

Primo: But I wasn't trying to insult him!

Me: Yeah. I know. But - I can see why he might take it that way.

Primo: But I would never insult him like that! Not on purpose!

Me: Perhaps in the future, it might be a good idea not - to make that kind of comment. People can take it wrong.

Primo: Campaign Manager thinks I need to apologize.

Me: He's right. You didn't intentionally harm him, but man - there is nothing to make people as angry as being called on something when they are wrong. He knows he should have been there or otherwise supported it and he's stung because what you said was true. Still, you need to apologize.

Primo: I don't want to.

Me: I know.

Primo: And then he wrote that he doesn't like how I am campaigning.

Me: It's not his campaign.

Primo: He's making me mad.

Me: You need to ignore him.

Primo: I can't!

Me: You know that this is what it will be like all the time if you win, right? You know this is what politics is like. You're used to facts. Politics is not about facts. It's not about doing the right thing. It's about alliances and making deals and stabbing people in the back.

Primo: But - I want to do the right thing!

Me: Then maybe you should go back to engineering.

The Candidate's Wife: What we, the 99%, want

After the guy sitting next to us at a Patsy Cline/Elvis tribute concert at a suburban bar learns Primo is running for the state legislature.

Guy: I don't want to hear long speeches. I turn them off if they go too long. What I want is someone who knows me. Someone who understands me.

Then he bought Primo not one but two beers.

The Candidate's Wife: This? This is why I hate politicians and reject all their empty promises

T - ten days: Local Politician tells Primo not only will she support him, she will help collect signatures and will bring ten clipboards to the signature-gathering event

T - seven days: We have to cancel the Sunday signature-gathering event because of weather and reschedule it for today (today = T)

T - two days: Primo confirms with Local Politician that she will bring clipboards today

T - one day: Primo asks Local Politician (who lives 30 minutes from our house) if he should just come by her house to pick up clipboards so he can have everything ready this morning. LP tells him she's not home but NOT TO WORRY SHE WILL BRING THE CLIPBOARDS

T - one hour: LP tells Primo she can't come so sorry

 

The Candidate's Wife: Maybe just a right-wingtip conspiracy?

Primo: I feel like there are all these people against me. I never expected to have to fight my own side.

Me: It is awful. I feel terrible for you.

Primo: And the----

(phone rings)

Twenty minutes later

Primo: That was my friend who is helping [Guy in next district over who hasn't called Primo back]!

Me: And?

Primo: [Guy in next district over] is trying to download the nomination petitions and is having trouble. My friend has asked if I would help. Maybe [Guy in next district over] isn't against me?

Me: He probably wouldn't ask for help if he were.

Primo: No! Maybe this conspiracy feels a lot bigger than it really is.

The Candidate's Wife: The vast right-wing conspiracy

Primo: Why didn't these people just come talk to me before deciding to run someone against me? Why didn't they even ask where I stood?

Me: Maybe because you have made your views clear and they know you can't be bought.

Primo: And I called [Guy in next district who has just announced] to congratulate him and tell him he has my full support. I left him a voicemail but he hasn't called me back. Is he against me, too?

Me: Well, he is a federal prosecutor. But I worked with him for a few years on that board and I am pretty sure he is aligned with you on the development issues. He is as anti-gross development as you and I are.

Primo: But he won't call me back. And his friend - who I thought was a friend of mine - won't call me back.

Me: This feels like second grade, doesn't it?

Primo: Yes. I don't like it.

The Candidate's Wife: Not Running Again (NRA) throws salt at Primo

Primo: My primary challenger put up her facebook page. Not Running Again (NRA) invited me to like it.

Me: NRA is a huge jerk.

The Candidate's Wife: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition

It's 8:56 p.m. The signature-gathering event is tomorrow.

People are coming over at 11:30 to pick up nominating petitions and walk lists. A walk list is a list of names and addresses sorted by whatever criteria. Usually, if you are campaigning, you don't bother talking to someone who never votes. You don't bother with someone who is solidly on the other side. You want to spend as little time as possible per voter to get the vote. If there were unlimited time, I suppose you could try to convince the non-voters that this time, they should vote, but your time is probably better spent talking to ten other people who do vote.

[And this is why I was not outraged when Mitt Romney said something about not bothering to try to reach the 47%. He said, "There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what." What followed that was not so good, but honestly, that's the fact of campaigning - you are usually not going to convince the other side to vote for you. So you try to turn out the base and, if possible, get the people in the middle.]

Primo has not printed the petitions or the walk lists.

Primo has discovered he is almost out of toner.

Office Max is closed.

I. Am. Dying.

Unforced error, I call it.

So I am stress eating.

And I have been stress baking all day.

I swear this campaign is going to kill me.