You guys, it's been such a weird day. I spoke to Primo at 7:20 a.m. and then went straight to three hours of conference calls, so I couldn't even think about Doris' death. Then I thought about it and felt guilty that I had not been nicer to her and had not wanted to talk to her more when she was in the hospital but she didn't like me! When I am sick and in the hospital, please do not ask the people I do not like to call me to cheer me up.
But I still felt guilty that I had not made more of an effort. Does that happen after every death? I didn't feel guilty with my dad, but I had no mixed feelings about him. I loved my dad. Period.
I felt sorry for Doris but I didn't like her and now I feel bad for that.
I have been in shock most of the day. I just spoke to Primo for the third time today. He is on his way out for a beer. This morning was going to be the first morning in over a month that he was going to get to sleep late. He has been staying at Sly and Doris'. Sly spent last night at the hospital so this was going to be the first morning that Primo was in their house alone, without Sly getting up at 7:00 a.m. and making all kinds of noise. (Sly does that. I have stayed there. He and Doris made no attempt to be quiet, even though the guest room is right next to the living room.)
But he got a phone call at 6 a.m., so he didn't get to sleep.
I had texted Sam, Primo's best friend, and my brother, my sister, and my mom to let them know Doris had died. Sam notified three more of Primo's good friends.
"These people have called and I haven't had time to call them back!" he said. "This is very stressful."
I assured him that nobody expects a return call in a situation like this. "They are calling you not necessarily to talk to you - they know you are busy and in shock - but to let you know that they care about you and that you are important to them. They are not sitting by the phone thinking, 'I cannot believe he hasn't called me back!' Nobody expects it. Nobody. They want you to feel supported and loved. That's all."
When he talked to me this afternoon, after he and Jack told Sly that Doris had died (but only after talking to Sly's doctor to find out if Sly was in a state to receive such news - he did have surgery yesterday), he asked that I be nice to Sly and maybe give him a fresh start. Oh sure, I said. I mean, I am not going to pick a fight with Sly.
"My dad said my mom had been really nice the past few weeks," he said.
"Hmmmm," I answered.
"I told him it was because he had been nice to her."
ButI know Sly won't care about repairing a relationship with me. If he does do this deathbed conversion and become Mr Lovey, sure, I'll go with it. But I am not holding my breath.
"Have you thought about where he might live?" I asked. "Didn't he mention moving near his sister?" (She lives in another state.)
"Oh no," Primo said. "That would not work."
"We even talked about it today. He says he's close to her but then he says he doesn't really like her and doesn't want to live near her."
"That makes no sense."
"He doesn't really like her" - remember this is is sister - the one person alive who has known him his entire life - "because she is a [opposite political beliefs from Sly]."
I laughed. "He doesn't like his own sister because of her political beliefs? The same beliefs I hold?"
"Yes," Primo answered.
"So there isn't really going to be a relationship between Sly and me," I said.