Oh. Because then he would have to shoot left handed.
And he is right handed.
I hope I have not given you enough information to identify Primo in real life now.
Saturday, June 23, 2018
The Candidate's Wife: The turkeys are safe
Me: How was it?
Primo: It was fun! Except for the getting up at 6:00 a.m. part.
Me: What did you like? The quiet? The view? The hanging out?
Primo: It was pretty and it was nice hanging out with [neighbor]. He's a really nice guy.
Me: Except you didn't catch anything.
Primo: I discovered that even though I have really good vision, I can't use a gun scope easily because I can't close my left eye! I can only close my right eye.
[And as I write this, I wonder, "Then why not just sight with your left eye?" I will ask Primo, dear readers! Stay tuned!]
Friday, June 22, 2018
Th Candidate's Wife: Primo goes hunting
Tomorrow, our (very nice) neighbor is taking Primo hunting.
This will be interesting.
This will be interesting.
Thursday, June 21, 2018
The Candidate's Wife: Primo is tormented about confronting his challenger
Primo: I've been invited to a candidate forum tonight.
Me: Are you going?
Primo: I should. I need to see her speak. But I don't even know if I want to run. It's been so nice this past week not campaigning. We could have our life back!
Me: I know. But I don't want you to regret anything. And I don't want you to withdraw from the race because you are scared of her. It's OK not to want to run or to be a legislator but I think you would regret withdrawing from fear.
Primo: It's not that I'm scared of her; it's that I am so tired of the BS. I ran before because someone had to run. But now, if someone else wants to do it, fine. I don't care. I don't have to have this. I've had my career. I don't need this to pay the bills. I don't need this bullshit from her or from other people in my own party.
Me: I will support whatever you want to do.
Primo: I have to know, but I don't want to deal with her or with Not Running Again.
Me: He's a jerk.
Primo: Maybe I should just go to this other event.
Me: Maybe.
Primo: But I want to see what she says.
Me: So go.
Primo: I don't want to speak. But I would have to. How do I talk about how I am the best candidate if I am not even sure I'm running?
Me: You ARE the best candidate. You ARE the person better positioned to win in November. You have been involved in trying to make things better for the people in our district for eight years. You're the one who's been in it since the beginning, not the one who shows up only when there is a chance for your party to win.
Primo: I am.
Me: You could just hit your talking points and ignore her.
Primo: I could.
Me: You talk about how you've been here from the start and how your numbers have gone up in each election and you have the name recognition and are the one who can beat the other party.
Primo: What if she says something about me when she talks?
Me: You don't address anything she says. You stick to your script. You don't let yourself get distracted.
Primo: But what if she brings up the highway construction?
Me: Then you ignore her. People who know you know this has been in your platform from the beginning. You have been writing about it for months now. Here's what you do - you talk about how the district has not been winnable since 2010, when the lines were re-drawn, but that you have been in it since then, fighting for the people of [the state], speaking at public hearings, protesting, whatever. Because she is going to say, "Why should you vote for this middle-aged guy who has lost three elections? It's time for someone new, blah blah blah."
Primo: She won't say that!
Me: She would if I were coaching her.
Primo: Why?
Me: Because those are your perceived weak points and that's where I would have her attack you! You have run three times and have not won. You need to make sure people understand that the district has not been winnable until now - that even the incumbent [who was from Primo's party] wouldn't run again after the re-districting.
Primo: You think she would say that?
Me: I would tell her to. I would also tell her to hit the woman and mom thing hard. Which means you have to make sure to refer to [his stepdaughters and grandchildren]. People think that people without children don't have a stake in the future. You do have children. You have grandchildren. You talk about public education and college costs and say that you were able to pay to send your two stepdaughters to college but you worry that college is becoming unaffordable and that it might not be so easy for your grandchildren to go. You just mention them - don't make a big deal of it - but get it into the conversation that you have kids.
Primo: OK.
Me: Stick to your script. Don't let her throw you. Ignore what she says. You can do this. You really are the better candidate.
Primo: People who I thought were my friends are supporting her.
Me: That just means they are better friends with her. And it's just four people, right?
Primo: What if I see NRA?
Me: You give him the cut direct.
Primo: I pretend I don't see him?
Me: Exactly.
Primo: I just act like he's not there?
Me: Yes.
Primo: What if he talks to me?
Me: Cordial response, look past his shoulder, say, "Excuse me, I have to talk to whoever."
Primo: I don't like him.
Me: He's a jerk.
Primo: This whole thing has me so stressed out.
Me: I know, baby. It's hard.
Me: Are you going?
Primo: I should. I need to see her speak. But I don't even know if I want to run. It's been so nice this past week not campaigning. We could have our life back!
Me: I know. But I don't want you to regret anything. And I don't want you to withdraw from the race because you are scared of her. It's OK not to want to run or to be a legislator but I think you would regret withdrawing from fear.
Primo: It's not that I'm scared of her; it's that I am so tired of the BS. I ran before because someone had to run. But now, if someone else wants to do it, fine. I don't care. I don't have to have this. I've had my career. I don't need this to pay the bills. I don't need this bullshit from her or from other people in my own party.
Me: I will support whatever you want to do.
Primo: I have to know, but I don't want to deal with her or with Not Running Again.
Me: He's a jerk.
Primo: Maybe I should just go to this other event.
Me: Maybe.
Primo: But I want to see what she says.
Me: So go.
Primo: I don't want to speak. But I would have to. How do I talk about how I am the best candidate if I am not even sure I'm running?
Me: You ARE the best candidate. You ARE the person better positioned to win in November. You have been involved in trying to make things better for the people in our district for eight years. You're the one who's been in it since the beginning, not the one who shows up only when there is a chance for your party to win.
Primo: I am.
Me: You could just hit your talking points and ignore her.
Primo: I could.
Me: You talk about how you've been here from the start and how your numbers have gone up in each election and you have the name recognition and are the one who can beat the other party.
Primo: What if she says something about me when she talks?
Me: You don't address anything she says. You stick to your script. You don't let yourself get distracted.
Primo: But what if she brings up the highway construction?
Me: Then you ignore her. People who know you know this has been in your platform from the beginning. You have been writing about it for months now. Here's what you do - you talk about how the district has not been winnable since 2010, when the lines were re-drawn, but that you have been in it since then, fighting for the people of [the state], speaking at public hearings, protesting, whatever. Because she is going to say, "Why should you vote for this middle-aged guy who has lost three elections? It's time for someone new, blah blah blah."
Primo: She won't say that!
Me: She would if I were coaching her.
Primo: Why?
Me: Because those are your perceived weak points and that's where I would have her attack you! You have run three times and have not won. You need to make sure people understand that the district has not been winnable until now - that even the incumbent [who was from Primo's party] wouldn't run again after the re-districting.
Primo: You think she would say that?
Me: I would tell her to. I would also tell her to hit the woman and mom thing hard. Which means you have to make sure to refer to [his stepdaughters and grandchildren]. People think that people without children don't have a stake in the future. You do have children. You have grandchildren. You talk about public education and college costs and say that you were able to pay to send your two stepdaughters to college but you worry that college is becoming unaffordable and that it might not be so easy for your grandchildren to go. You just mention them - don't make a big deal of it - but get it into the conversation that you have kids.
Primo: OK.
Me: Stick to your script. Don't let her throw you. Ignore what she says. You can do this. You really are the better candidate.
Primo: People who I thought were my friends are supporting her.
Me: That just means they are better friends with her. And it's just four people, right?
Primo: What if I see NRA?
Me: You give him the cut direct.
Primo: I pretend I don't see him?
Me: Exactly.
Primo: I just act like he's not there?
Me: Yes.
Primo: What if he talks to me?
Me: Cordial response, look past his shoulder, say, "Excuse me, I have to talk to whoever."
Primo: I don't like him.
Me: He's a jerk.
Primo: This whole thing has me so stressed out.
Me: I know, baby. It's hard.
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
The Candidate's Wife: Primo's own party criticizes him and he thinks, Really, guys? and - I love him but politics is not for people who expect niceness
To which I say, "You know this is what life would be like every single day if you became a legislator? That people in your own party will be pissed at you if you don't toe the party line every single time? That you will face criticism from within the party unless you do exactly what they tell you to do?"
What did Primo do to make The Legislator Who Compared Himself to Thomas Jefferson and James Madison upset?
(Sort of compared himself, but Primo's campaign manager nodded sagely when I told him the story of how Legislator wondered why I didn't help Primo campaign and how our Founding Fathers were not citizen legislators. CM said, "Yeah, he does that.")
Primo went to a teacher protest.
A union leader posted a photo on facebook about the protest and wrote he wondered why more legislators from the school district had not attended the protest.
Primo commented that he had wondered the same thing.
As soon as Primo told me that, I thought, "Oh no. That - was not wise."
But Primo does not read behind the lines and takes everything at face value and he says what he means and doesn't do passive-aggressive.
So he was just wondering.
That's all.
But - ouch.
"You - sort of - called them all out," I said.
He was bewildered. "But I just wondered! And then Legislator Who Is Not Thomas Jefferson got really mad and sent me a message and copied a lot of the other legislators."
Me: Ignore him. Campaign Manager says he's a punk and he's right.
Primo: But I wasn't trying to insult him!
Me: Yeah. I know. But - I can see why he might take it that way.
Primo: But I would never insult him like that! Not on purpose!
Me: Perhaps in the future, it might be a good idea not - to make that kind of comment. People can take it wrong.
Primo: Campaign Manager thinks I need to apologize.
Me: He's right. You didn't intentionally harm him, but man - there is nothing to make people as angry as being called on something when they are wrong. He knows he should have been there or otherwise supported it and he's stung because what you said was true. Still, you need to apologize.
Primo: I don't want to.
Me: I know.
Primo: And then he wrote that he doesn't like how I am campaigning.
Me: It's not his campaign.
Primo: He's making me mad.
Me: You need to ignore him.
Primo: I can't!
Me: You know that this is what it will be like all the time if you win, right? You know this is what politics is like. You're used to facts. Politics is not about facts. It's not about doing the right thing. It's about alliances and making deals and stabbing people in the back.
Primo: But - I want to do the right thing!
Me: Then maybe you should go back to engineering.
What did Primo do to make The Legislator Who Compared Himself to Thomas Jefferson and James Madison upset?
(Sort of compared himself, but Primo's campaign manager nodded sagely when I told him the story of how Legislator wondered why I didn't help Primo campaign and how our Founding Fathers were not citizen legislators. CM said, "Yeah, he does that.")
Primo went to a teacher protest.
A union leader posted a photo on facebook about the protest and wrote he wondered why more legislators from the school district had not attended the protest.
Primo commented that he had wondered the same thing.
As soon as Primo told me that, I thought, "Oh no. That - was not wise."
But Primo does not read behind the lines and takes everything at face value and he says what he means and doesn't do passive-aggressive.
So he was just wondering.
That's all.
But - ouch.
"You - sort of - called them all out," I said.
He was bewildered. "But I just wondered! And then Legislator Who Is Not Thomas Jefferson got really mad and sent me a message and copied a lot of the other legislators."
Me: Ignore him. Campaign Manager says he's a punk and he's right.
Primo: But I wasn't trying to insult him!
Me: Yeah. I know. But - I can see why he might take it that way.
Primo: But I would never insult him like that! Not on purpose!
Me: Perhaps in the future, it might be a good idea not - to make that kind of comment. People can take it wrong.
Primo: Campaign Manager thinks I need to apologize.
Me: He's right. You didn't intentionally harm him, but man - there is nothing to make people as angry as being called on something when they are wrong. He knows he should have been there or otherwise supported it and he's stung because what you said was true. Still, you need to apologize.
Primo: I don't want to.
Me: I know.
Primo: And then he wrote that he doesn't like how I am campaigning.
Me: It's not his campaign.
Primo: He's making me mad.
Me: You need to ignore him.
Primo: I can't!
Me: You know that this is what it will be like all the time if you win, right? You know this is what politics is like. You're used to facts. Politics is not about facts. It's not about doing the right thing. It's about alliances and making deals and stabbing people in the back.
Primo: But - I want to do the right thing!
Me: Then maybe you should go back to engineering.
Sunday, June 3, 2018
The Candidate's Wife: What we, the 99%, want
After the guy sitting next to us at a Patsy Cline/Elvis tribute concert at a suburban bar learns Primo is running for the state legislature.
Guy: I don't want to hear long speeches. I turn them off if they go too long. What I want is someone who knows me. Someone who understands me.
Then he bought Primo not one but two beers.
Guy: I don't want to hear long speeches. I turn them off if they go too long. What I want is someone who knows me. Someone who understands me.
Then he bought Primo not one but two beers.
Saturday, June 2, 2018
The Candidate's Wife: This? This is why I hate politicians and reject all their empty promises
T - ten days: Local Politician tells Primo not only will she support him, she will help collect signatures and will bring ten clipboards to the signature-gathering event
T - seven days: We have to cancel the Sunday signature-gathering event because of weather and reschedule it for today (today = T)
T - two days: Primo confirms with Local Politician that she will bring clipboards today
T - one day: Primo asks Local Politician (who lives 30 minutes from our house) if he should just come by her house to pick up clipboards so he can have everything ready this morning. LP tells him she's not home but NOT TO WORRY SHE WILL BRING THE CLIPBOARDS
T - one hour: LP tells Primo she can't come so sorry
T - seven days: We have to cancel the Sunday signature-gathering event because of weather and reschedule it for today (today = T)
T - two days: Primo confirms with Local Politician that she will bring clipboards today
T - one day: Primo asks Local Politician (who lives 30 minutes from our house) if he should just come by her house to pick up clipboards so he can have everything ready this morning. LP tells him she's not home but NOT TO WORRY SHE WILL BRING THE CLIPBOARDS
T - one hour: LP tells Primo she can't come so sorry
Thursday, May 31, 2018
The Candidate's Wife: Maybe just a right-wingtip conspiracy?
Primo: I feel like there are all these people against me. I never expected to have to fight my own side.
Me: It is awful. I feel terrible for you.
Primo: And the----
(phone rings)
Twenty minutes later
Primo: That was my friend who is helping [Guy in next district over who hasn't called Primo back]!
Me: And?
Primo: [Guy in next district over] is trying to download the nomination petitions and is having trouble. My friend has asked if I would help. Maybe [Guy in next district over] isn't against me?
Me: He probably wouldn't ask for help if he were.
Primo: No! Maybe this conspiracy feels a lot bigger than it really is.
Me: It is awful. I feel terrible for you.
Primo: And the----
(phone rings)
Twenty minutes later
Primo: That was my friend who is helping [Guy in next district over who hasn't called Primo back]!
Me: And?
Primo: [Guy in next district over] is trying to download the nomination petitions and is having trouble. My friend has asked if I would help. Maybe [Guy in next district over] isn't against me?
Me: He probably wouldn't ask for help if he were.
Primo: No! Maybe this conspiracy feels a lot bigger than it really is.
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
The Candidate's Wife: The vast right-wing conspiracy
Primo: Why didn't these people just come talk to me before deciding to run someone against me? Why didn't they even ask where I stood?
Me: Maybe because you have made your views clear and they know you can't be bought.
Primo: And I called [Guy in next district who has just announced] to congratulate him and tell him he has my full support. I left him a voicemail but he hasn't called me back. Is he against me, too?
Me: Well, he is a federal prosecutor. But I worked with him for a few years on that board and I am pretty sure he is aligned with you on the development issues. He is as anti-gross development as you and I are.
Primo: But he won't call me back. And his friend - who I thought was a friend of mine - won't call me back.
Me: This feels like second grade, doesn't it?
Primo: Yes. I don't like it.
Me: Maybe because you have made your views clear and they know you can't be bought.
Primo: And I called [Guy in next district who has just announced] to congratulate him and tell him he has my full support. I left him a voicemail but he hasn't called me back. Is he against me, too?
Me: Well, he is a federal prosecutor. But I worked with him for a few years on that board and I am pretty sure he is aligned with you on the development issues. He is as anti-gross development as you and I are.
Primo: But he won't call me back. And his friend - who I thought was a friend of mine - won't call me back.
Me: This feels like second grade, doesn't it?
Primo: Yes. I don't like it.
Tuesday, May 29, 2018
The Candidate's Wife: Not Running Again (NRA) throws salt at Primo
Primo: My primary challenger put up her facebook page. Not Running Again (NRA) invited me to like it.
Me: NRA is a huge jerk.
Me: NRA is a huge jerk.
Monday, May 28, 2018
The Candidate's Wife: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition
It's 8:56 p.m. The signature-gathering event is tomorrow.
People are coming over at 11:30 to pick up nominating petitions and walk lists. A walk list is a list of names and addresses sorted by whatever criteria. Usually, if you are campaigning, you don't bother talking to someone who never votes. You don't bother with someone who is solidly on the other side. You want to spend as little time as possible per voter to get the vote. If there were unlimited time, I suppose you could try to convince the non-voters that this time, they should vote, but your time is probably better spent talking to ten other people who do vote.
[And this is why I was not outraged when Mitt Romney said something about not bothering to try to reach the 47%. He said, "There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what." What followed that was not so good, but honestly, that's the fact of campaigning - you are usually not going to convince the other side to vote for you. So you try to turn out the base and, if possible, get the people in the middle.]
Primo has not printed the petitions or the walk lists.
Primo has discovered he is almost out of toner.
Office Max is closed.
I. Am. Dying.
Unforced error, I call it.
So I am stress eating.
And I have been stress baking all day.
I swear this campaign is going to kill me.
Sunday, May 27, 2018
The Candidate's Wife: And now? I bake
We are having a nominating petition signatures gathering party at our house in two days.
I told Primo I would make snacks.
Here's what I'm making:
David Lebovitz's dark chocolate sea salt brownies (once you try these, you will never go back)
Lemon-Almond Butter Cake
Chocolate, Coffee, and Cardamom Cake (from Honey & Co cookbook)
Memphis Junior League onion dip
I told Primo I would make snacks.
Here's what I'm making:
David Lebovitz's dark chocolate sea salt brownies (once you try these, you will never go back)
Lemon-Almond Butter Cake
Chocolate, Coffee, and Cardamom Cake (from Honey & Co cookbook)
Memphis Junior League onion dip
The Candidate's Wife: Primo descends into despair. Then he talks to his campaign manager, who is worth the money just for talking Primo off the ledge. Then he believes me that he actually has a message.
Primo: I never thought I would have to run against someone from my own party.
Primo: I don't even know how to run against someone I agree with!
Primo: Stop! I have to figure this out! I have to do a complete reset! This is a completely new problem! I am an engineer! I have to think in sequence!
Primo: Screw this. I don't need this. I don't HAVE to run. I don't want to deal with a primary.
*******
Long conversation with Campaign Manager, who has, since our Big Conversation About The Value He Is Bringing, has earned my undying gratitude by being the person Primo calls when he is stressed out.
*******
Primo: CM thinks this is not a problem.
Primo: CM thinks a primary will bring me more attention.
Primo: CM thinks I can win a primary.
Primo: But I'm still not sure what my message is. She and I agree on the issues!
Me: But - you are the one who has been in the trenches since 2010. You are the one who has been fighting, by campaigning for other candidates and by speaking at hearings at the capitol and by supporting all the things you believe, for the people of this state. I am sure your opponent is a lovely pers---
Primo: She IS a nice person! She even said she had wanted to run last fall but didn't want to take this away from me.
Me: Then -- why is she?
Primo: She and City Council Not Running Again (NRA) agreed a few months ago that one of them would run. His whole thing about not running again for city council so he could spend more time with his family was bullshit.
Me: Ha!
Primo: He would be easier to run against. Nobody who has ever met him seems to like him. [Friend who lives in our neighborhood and who works in the capitol] said if NRA won this race, he could condescend to 50,000 people instead of just the people in our neighborhood.
Me: And that was unprompted?
Primo: Yes!
Me: Anyhow - your message is - and you don't have to badmouth Same-Party Opponent - is that you have been in the trenches. You were fighting even when there wasn't a chance for someone in Your Party to win this district. You have been here for the duration. You're committed. You have been fighting and will continue to fight. You didn't just show up when the odds actually got good.
Primo: Only I can't say it like that, of course.
Me: No. No need to say anything negative. But you just have to tell the truth. If this were just about positions, then robots could run. But it's more than that. This is about who you are and what you have done. You can win this.
Primo: I don't even know how to run against someone I agree with!
Primo: Stop! I have to figure this out! I have to do a complete reset! This is a completely new problem! I am an engineer! I have to think in sequence!
Primo: Screw this. I don't need this. I don't HAVE to run. I don't want to deal with a primary.
*******
Long conversation with Campaign Manager, who has, since our Big Conversation About The Value He Is Bringing, has earned my undying gratitude by being the person Primo calls when he is stressed out.
*******
Primo: CM thinks this is not a problem.
Primo: CM thinks a primary will bring me more attention.
Primo: CM thinks I can win a primary.
Primo: But I'm still not sure what my message is. She and I agree on the issues!
Me: But - you are the one who has been in the trenches since 2010. You are the one who has been fighting, by campaigning for other candidates and by speaking at hearings at the capitol and by supporting all the things you believe, for the people of this state. I am sure your opponent is a lovely pers---
Primo: She IS a nice person! She even said she had wanted to run last fall but didn't want to take this away from me.
Me: Then -- why is she?
Primo: She and City Council Not Running Again (NRA) agreed a few months ago that one of them would run. His whole thing about not running again for city council so he could spend more time with his family was bullshit.
Me: Ha!
Primo: He would be easier to run against. Nobody who has ever met him seems to like him. [Friend who lives in our neighborhood and who works in the capitol] said if NRA won this race, he could condescend to 50,000 people instead of just the people in our neighborhood.
Me: And that was unprompted?
Primo: Yes!
Me: Anyhow - your message is - and you don't have to badmouth Same-Party Opponent - is that you have been in the trenches. You were fighting even when there wasn't a chance for someone in Your Party to win this district. You have been here for the duration. You're committed. You have been fighting and will continue to fight. You didn't just show up when the odds actually got good.
Primo: Only I can't say it like that, of course.
Me: No. No need to say anything negative. But you just have to tell the truth. If this were just about positions, then robots could run. But it's more than that. This is about who you are and what you have done. You can win this.
The Candidate's Wife: Primo finally talks to the woman who called him yesterday
Primo: She wants to run.
Me:Against you.
Primo: She says we share a lot of the same values.
Me: So ----- she wants to run against you? Even though she agrees with you?
Primo: I don't get it.
Me:Against you.
Primo: She says we share a lot of the same values.
Me: So ----- she wants to run against you? Even though she agrees with you?
Primo: I don't get it.
The Candidate's Wife: This is what it's like wondering if someone is going to challenge your husband in a primary
Imagine having a really upset stomach.
Imagine wanting to throw up.
Imagine not being able to throw up.
Or not knowing how long it will be before you stop feeling like you are going to throw up.
Imagine thinking about all those times your husband ran when the district really wasn't winnable but the party wanted someone on the ballot.
Imagine thinking about all those times your husband spent hours and hours and hours campaigning for other people.
Imagine the district might be winnable.
And now, everyone wants to run.
From your husband's own party. Against him.
That's what it's like.
Feeling sick and not knowing when or if it's going to end.
Imagine wanting to throw up.
Imagine not being able to throw up.
Or not knowing how long it will be before you stop feeling like you are going to throw up.
Imagine thinking about all those times your husband ran when the district really wasn't winnable but the party wanted someone on the ballot.
Imagine thinking about all those times your husband spent hours and hours and hours campaigning for other people.
Imagine the district might be winnable.
And now, everyone wants to run.
From your husband's own party. Against him.
That's what it's like.
Feeling sick and not knowing when or if it's going to end.
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