Primo: My dad erupted with criticism of your lack of respect for him and especially for my mom. He is super pissed that you didn’t come on this trip.
Me: But it’s not like they really wanted me there!
Primo: Yes, but you are supposed to want to be around them anyhow. Which makes no sense because if you were here, they would not have me all to themselves.
Me: He doesn't even like me. Why does he want me there?
Primo: So he can criticize you.
Me: Am I a bad person for not wanting to go there to be criticized?
Me: OK. What else. Did they threaten to disinherit you again?
Me: Did you point out that according to the will he gave you, you are not even inherited so you can’t be disinherited?
Primo: No. I didn’t want to get into that.
Me: Probably wise.
Primo: He claims they want a better relationship with you. He claims that he is “deeply hurt” by the rift.
Me: He used those words? “Deeply hurt?”
Me: I find that hard to believe.
Primo: He did. Then he said that if I do not “facilitate” a better relationship between you and them, they will write me out of the will.
Me: But you’re already not in it.
Primo: He said they are going to update it.
Me: They are going to update it, put you in it, and then take you out again?
Primo: I guess that’s what they’ll have to do. They’ll have to inherit me before they disinherit me.
Me: So if they die after they inherit you but before they disinherit you, you would be OK?
Me: Cool! But I’m not holding my breath. Your parents don’t exactly stay on top of things and they for sure don’t start new projects. What I don’t understand is why? Why do they want a better relationship with me?
Primo: I don't know.
Me: Seriously. They don't like me. I know they don’t want you to marry me. What’s changed that they want this kumbaya experience?
Primo: I don't know.
Me: Do you think they really want me around?
Primo: No, of course not. They want me all to themselves. My dad does not like you at all. And my mom might like you, but she doesn’t dare show it because my dad would make her pay. My dad just can't stand it that you don't suck up to him. You need to acknowledge that he is a superior human being.
Me: What makes him superior?
Primo: He thinks because he's smarter than you are.
Me: I'm not sure he is, but even if he were, that's not a reason to kowtow to someone. Smart is something you're born with. I might as well as acknowledge he's superior for having detached earlobes. You don't respect for qualities you're born with. You get respect for what you do. Is he a nice person? Is he generous? Has he accomplished good things? No. The answer to those questions is no no no.
Primo: He thinks he's superior.
Me: Of course he does. They don't want a better relationship with me - if they did, they would do something, like email or call me instead of threatening you. I have not slammed the door on them. I have never been anything but polite to their faces. Your dad just wants me to toe the line. He wants to be the one who is rejecting me, not the other way around.
Primo: That's it.
Me: Screw. Them.