A co-worker, Idris, and I were comparing notes on greedy relatives and wills and the lack thereof.
I don't even know how we got on the subject - we were talking about lean operations and TIM WOOD and does the "S" really fit at the end because then it's not the seven muda, it's eight.
So then it was all about relatives and settling estates and what a person has to go through to settle an estate and how estate settling sure brings out the ugly in people.
Idris said that his sister had died without a will. He had lived with his sister, but I gather she owned the house.
Then I got totally distracted.
Me: Wait! Are you married?
Idris: No.
Me: Have you ever been married?
Idris: No.
Me: Whaaaaat? You are so eligible!
(He is a really nice, middle-aged guy with a good job. He is really, really nice. Sweet, good sense of humor, hard working, and, as an engineer, can undoubtedly fix things. These are all excellent qualities in a husband.)
Idris: Wellll..... Anyhow.
(That is a rude question, I know. I hated it when people used to ask me that until I realized what they were saying was not, "Wow! You are so undesirable that nobody has seen fit to marry you!" and was instead, "How is it that someone as fabulous as you has not been proposed to many, many times?")
Me: Sorry.
Idris: My sister died a few years ago and I was traveling a lot for work and she didn't have a will, so I have had to figure it all out. My niece, my nephew, and I are the heirs.
Me: Because no will.
Idris: Yes. My sister and my niece were not close. She did nothing to help after my sister died.
Me: Not taking her clothes to charity or anything like that?
Idris: No.
Me: So what happened?
Idris: I had to get the house valued. I wrote a check to each of them for their half.
Me: Because you still live in the house?
Idris: Yes. At the lawyer's office, I gave them each a check. My niece asked if I wasn't sure the house was worth more.
Me: Oh good grief. Money fell into her lap and it wasn't enough?
Idris: The lawyer said she could pay her own appraiser.
Me: Did she?
Idris: Nope. She cashed the check the next day.
Me: Yeah.
Idris: So at the lawyer's office, the lawyer said that the house was the only real property and the rest was kind of worthless stuff like my sister's clothes and jewelry. And that's when my niece perked up again and said she might be interested in the jewelry.
Me: Even though she never had much to do with your sister?
Idris: Exactly!
Me: I swear it brings out the ugly.
Idris: I just want to be done with it. I am tired of dealing with it. I am tired of dealing with my niece. She is so grabby! My nephew is OK, but I really do not like my niece.
Me: Do you have a will?
Idris: No. Not married. No kids. Haven't really ever thought about it.
Me: But if you die without a will, your niece will get half of all of your hard-earned money!
Idris: What? Oh! Yes! You're right! I need to make a will! I can leave it all to my nephew. Ha.
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Saturday, January 9, 2016
In which Ted sends Primo an email that he got a package and an email and a text but has not opened any of them
Primo sent Ted a text last week to wish him happy birthday.
He sent him an email yesterday to tell him he was sending him a check and a package.
He sent him a package. As in, he went to the Post Office and stood in line and paid money to have someone deliver items that Ted wanted.
The items included the bracelet that TedsWife wants that Primo could not find for the longest time because he had never seen the bracelet and did not even know what he was looking for. He went to the jeweler where Sly bought stuff for Doris to ask about it. He looked through all the drawers. (I didn't think he should have bothered, the way Ted has been acting.)
He finally found a bracelet that he thought might be it and had to find a magnifying glass to read the clasp for the "14K" notation.
(Primo is not happy that he is losing his eagle eyes. Welcome to the club, my friend. I have been wearing glasses since fifth grade.)
Primo is being way nicer than Ted deserves.
And Ted cannot be bothered to read the text that Primo sent five days ago?
He sent him an email yesterday to tell him he was sending him a check and a package.
He sent him a package. As in, he went to the Post Office and stood in line and paid money to have someone deliver items that Ted wanted.
The items included the bracelet that TedsWife wants that Primo could not find for the longest time because he had never seen the bracelet and did not even know what he was looking for. He went to the jeweler where Sly bought stuff for Doris to ask about it. He looked through all the drawers. (I didn't think he should have bothered, the way Ted has been acting.)
He finally found a bracelet that he thought might be it and had to find a magnifying glass to read the clasp for the "14K" notation.
(Primo is not happy that he is losing his eagle eyes. Welcome to the club, my friend. I have been wearing glasses since fifth grade.)
Primo is being way nicer than Ted deserves.
And Ted cannot be bothered to read the text that Primo sent five days ago?
In which Primo returns after being gone for only five days and we don't even fight, at least not right away, until he gets all panicky because I was yelling at the vacuum cleaner and all I wanted Primo to do was to help me but he was all, "Don't yell! Don't yell!"
I picked Primo up at the airport yesterday after work.
We didn't fight.
I have been trying very hard not to fight. Primo can be super annoying but it is on me how I respond. I have known for ten years that he thinks it's really funny to say "pepper" the way Billy Crystal, one of my least-favorite actors, said it in "When Harry Met Sally." I have known for ten years that he thinks it's really funny to say, "I like them French-fried potaters" the way Billy Bob Thornton (whose memoir is really good) said it in "Sling Blade."
He thinks it's funny to say, "You're not doing it right" and to say, "Hey!" to get my attention - and then have nothing to say.
These things are all as annoying as heck and I am sure that if any of you were to serve on a jury after I had been charged with bonking Primo on the head with a cast-iron frying pan, you would acquit because it would have been totally justified.
However,
It is on me not to turn into a bitch when he does that stuff. I can't change him (deep breath). I can change only me.
So I am trying to decide not to let his annoyingness annoy me.
And of course he has been extra annoying. Stress makes him more annoying, not less. When I am stressed, I focus inward. I become withdrawn and I focus just on battling my way through, on the issue at hand.
Primo is the Typhoid Mary of stress. It is not enough for him alone to feel stress - he has to spread it to others.
And then I remember all the good things about Primo and how they outweigh all the bad things, which are not that many. I think about what a good person he is - how much I like him - how much fun we have together when we travel - we both think the Sewer Museum in Paris is super interesting, we both like to browse the grocery stores in Morocco, we both like to caminar sin rumbo fijo and just stumble across cool things. I think about what a generous person he is - he could have been mean to his ex wife and he was not. He could have walked away from his mom and dad and he did not, even though they, of all people, deserved it, or at least his dad did. Anyone who is that loyal to mean people will be really loyal to nice people (me :) ) and will be with me until the end, even though I will get old and everything will sag and wrinkle.
(On that note - I never thought I was vain because I never thought I had anything to be vain about, but just losing the benefits of youth - the firm, tight skin, the eyebrows where they are supposed to be, the glossy hair - is very hard.)
Primo: [Stephanie's friend] and I got a lot done. She is bringing tables over for the garage sale. We found more papers and books in the garage. My parents had so much junk.
Me: Too much.
Primo: She said that seeing my mom and dad's house has inspired her to start cleaning out the junk in her house so her son won't have to do this when she dies.
Me: That is a very thoughtful thing to do - to consider the people who might have to deal with your crap.
Primo: Yep.
Me: If only your parents had thought the same way.
Primo: I found a giant vibrator in the nightstand next to my dad's side of the bed.
Me: Man. This whole thing never ends, does it?
Primo: Nope.
Me: What are you going to do with it?
Primo: I don't know. I got rid of a bunch of papers yesterday, but I still need to shred the naked photos of my parents.
Me: That's not something you want the grandkids to see.
Primo: And I took care of my dad's IRA. I did not list Ted as a beneficiary with you.
Me: Good.
Primo: He has been such a jerk that I do not feel like going out of my way to be nice to him. Plus, for me to make anyone but you a beneficiary, I would have to get a signed, notarized statement from you.
Me: And that would be too much hassle?
Primo: Yes.
We didn't fight.
I have been trying very hard not to fight. Primo can be super annoying but it is on me how I respond. I have known for ten years that he thinks it's really funny to say "pepper" the way Billy Crystal, one of my least-favorite actors, said it in "When Harry Met Sally." I have known for ten years that he thinks it's really funny to say, "I like them French-fried potaters" the way Billy Bob Thornton (whose memoir is really good) said it in "Sling Blade."
He thinks it's funny to say, "You're not doing it right" and to say, "Hey!" to get my attention - and then have nothing to say.
These things are all as annoying as heck and I am sure that if any of you were to serve on a jury after I had been charged with bonking Primo on the head with a cast-iron frying pan, you would acquit because it would have been totally justified.
However,
It is on me not to turn into a bitch when he does that stuff. I can't change him (deep breath). I can change only me.
So I am trying to decide not to let his annoyingness annoy me.
And of course he has been extra annoying. Stress makes him more annoying, not less. When I am stressed, I focus inward. I become withdrawn and I focus just on battling my way through, on the issue at hand.
Primo is the Typhoid Mary of stress. It is not enough for him alone to feel stress - he has to spread it to others.
And then I remember all the good things about Primo and how they outweigh all the bad things, which are not that many. I think about what a good person he is - how much I like him - how much fun we have together when we travel - we both think the Sewer Museum in Paris is super interesting, we both like to browse the grocery stores in Morocco, we both like to caminar sin rumbo fijo and just stumble across cool things. I think about what a generous person he is - he could have been mean to his ex wife and he was not. He could have walked away from his mom and dad and he did not, even though they, of all people, deserved it, or at least his dad did. Anyone who is that loyal to mean people will be really loyal to nice people (me :) ) and will be with me until the end, even though I will get old and everything will sag and wrinkle.
(On that note - I never thought I was vain because I never thought I had anything to be vain about, but just losing the benefits of youth - the firm, tight skin, the eyebrows where they are supposed to be, the glossy hair - is very hard.)
Primo: [Stephanie's friend] and I got a lot done. She is bringing tables over for the garage sale. We found more papers and books in the garage. My parents had so much junk.
Me: Too much.
Primo: She said that seeing my mom and dad's house has inspired her to start cleaning out the junk in her house so her son won't have to do this when she dies.
Me: That is a very thoughtful thing to do - to consider the people who might have to deal with your crap.
Primo: Yep.
Me: If only your parents had thought the same way.
Primo: I found a giant vibrator in the nightstand next to my dad's side of the bed.
Me: Man. This whole thing never ends, does it?
Primo: Nope.
Me: What are you going to do with it?
Primo: I don't know. I got rid of a bunch of papers yesterday, but I still need to shred the naked photos of my parents.
Me: That's not something you want the grandkids to see.
Primo: And I took care of my dad's IRA. I did not list Ted as a beneficiary with you.
Me: Good.
Primo: He has been such a jerk that I do not feel like going out of my way to be nice to him. Plus, for me to make anyone but you a beneficiary, I would have to get a signed, notarized statement from you.
Me: And that would be too much hassle?
Primo: Yes.
Friday, January 8, 2016
In which Primo sends a check, a package, and an email to Ted and we wonder if Ted will be pissy or grateful that he has been paid for attending his own father's funeral
This is the email Primo sent to Ted today. How will Ted react?
From: Primo
To: Ted
Date: 09/04/2015 08:04 AM
Subject: RE: Reimbursable FL travel costs: TDR
To: Ted
Date: 09/04/2015 08:04 AM
Subject: RE: Reimbursable FL travel costs: TDR
Ted,
A package is on its way to you (USPS tracking number 123 ). It should arrive tomorrow, although Priority Mail 2-day service is not guaranteed. Its most important contents are two small items, your check and what I believe is the correct bracelet for TedsWife. I also included several small items that may be of interest to you, a couple of pictures, a shirt for TedsChild and a cup that still has his name on it, and a few other things for TedsWife (Mom's Citizen Eco-Drive watch*, a silver anklet, and two other pieces of jewelry that are pretty even if they are not valuable).
I did not receive a response to my question about the $114.79 in airline fees that you paid. That amount isn't worth fighting over, so I went ahead and included it. I also rechecked all of the airfares; I came to exactly the same conclusions about prices for the IAD-JAX and JAX-ATL-IAD flights, but the IAD-ATL-SAV flights are a bit more expensive for the upcoming Fridays, with a price of $261.60 per ticket showing up more often than any lower fares (which exist for some of the dates but have very limited availability). Therefore, I added another $100 to the total. Here is the summary:
Air travel: $1582.00
$521.10 for IAD – JAX (5/30)
$161.60 for JAX – ATL – IAD (6/9)
$376.10 for IAD – JAX (6/20)
$523.20 for IAD – ATL – SAV (7/31) = $261.60 x 2 tickets
(Adjusted from prior amount of $211.60 x 2 tickets)
Airline fees: $114.79 (Not included in the previous total)
Car rental and gasoline: $463.69
Parking: $130.00
Dinners: $416.91
Total: $2707.39
Please understand that the total amount for your air travel ($1582.00 + $114.79 for five one-way flights) is more than generous. For comparison's sake, I have booked a total of 21 one-way flights this year (including two trips in February and March before the final series of health crises began), and the total cost for those flights -- including a couple of change fees -- was $3572.10. I did most of my flying to/from Orlando to save money but have also been in and out of Jacksonville and Daytona Beach.
USPS will let me know when the package is delivered, but please confirm receipt of the items I mentioned above.
Thanks,
Primo
* This is the watch that Doris accused me of stealing. Had Primo and me tearing our house apart to find it after they were here for our wedding. She found it a year ago in the pocket of a sweater she had brought to our house - AND DID NOT BOTHER TO TELL US THAT SHE HAD FOUND IT.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
In which Primo extends another olive brand to Ted, making Primo a far, far better person than I would ever be
That was today.
Let's recap this situation with Ted, shall we?
July: Sly dies. Four days later, Ted tells Primo he might contest the will. As if Primo can do anything about it - Primo is not in the will, either.
More July, while we are on vacation: Ted sends insistent emails, asking Primo questions about the estate and the trust and how much the executor (Primo) can charge for expenses. Ted demands a conference call. Primo declines.
August: Ted comes to the funeral and is a bit of a jerk, although not as jerky as he could be.
After the funeral: Ted emails Primo, telling him he wants to be reimbursed his travel expenses. Primo thinks Ted is talking about the trip Ted took in early June to be with Sly while Primo came home. (And even then, Ted called or texted - I am not exaggerating - five times a day to tell Primo things like Sly didn't like the food.)
August: Ted emails again with a list of expenses. The expenses include not just the early June trip but his trip to attend Doris' funeral and his trip to attend HIS OWN FATHER'S FUNERAL.
The expenses include a reimbursement of $875 per ticket per trip for tickets he got with frequent flier miles that could have been purchased for about $400.
August: Ted emails, demanding that Primo give him a date when he will write a check.
Note that not one single other creditor of the estate has been paid. Primo's expenses have not been reimbursed and his expenses are legally allowable to be paid.
Ted makes a snide comment about Primo's grammar and asks why Primo signs his emails, as "It's clear who it is from."
August: Primo emails Ted that he does not think it reasonable to pay $875 per ticket when the tickets could have been purchased for far less. He tells Ted he will give him the $400 a ticket once he gets the checks for the estate.
Ted calls Primo and screams at him that Primo does not know what kind of trouble he is in now that Ted is angry with him. No, Ted had not read the email but his wife had and HE NEVER WANTS TO GET A PHONE CALL LIKE THAT FROM HIS WIFE AGAIN!
(I tell Primo: Then perhaps he needs to discuss that with his wife.)
Then Ted shouts, "I am hanging up on you!" and hangs up.
Late August: Ted emails Primo, saying he has finally read Primo's emails and
1. He is learning things about Primo he does not like
2. Primo is losing his trust
3. He feels sorry for Primo. (Me: Because you have a brother like Ted?)
Early September: Primo sends a nice text asking for detente.
Now we wait.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Sunday, January 3, 2016
In which there are kitties
I had wanted to post this photo a few weeks ago, to go with Sly's funeral, but I lost it and couldn't find it and talking about kittens in a cage at the farmers market doesn't make so much sense without a photo.
But Stephanie and I went to the farmers market the weekend of Sly's funeral, which is one of the few things that made being in Florida bearable that weekend and two of my workdays. Yes, my company gives funeral leave, which is very generous, and my boss is fabulous, but I don't like being at Sly and Doris' house, even under the circumstances, and my work does not go away just because I am not there, so I was still trying to get work done and I was having to deal with Ted and Ted'sWife and Ted'sSon and Primo was dealing with all of them as well. The only nice part was getting to see my nieces and nephew and getting to hang out with Stephanie, whom I LOVE.
She and I went to the farmers market and there was a cat rescue organization there so I took photos and sent them to Primo and suggested that perhaps the cats could go to the rescue place, along with a nice donation from the estate.
If you have pets, please figure out what should happen to them if you and anyone you live with should all die at once. Don't make the executor have to send them to a shelter and don't make the executor have to be super stressed about rehoming elderly pets. It is not fair to your executor and it is really not fair to your pets.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
In which Primo is back home for a couple of weeks and he, not I, throws away the potted Meyer lemon tree that Doris gave us
Remember the potted lemon tree that Doris sent to us?
The tropical plant?
That needs eight hours of sun a day and can't have the temperature be lower than 70?
The plant that needs to live someplace like Florida? And not in the frozen north where Primo and I live? The place Doris knew that we lived because she had been here?
In the winter, there is not one single spot in our house that gets eight hours of sun. I think there is not even a spot outside of the house that gets eight hours of sun. We are in a place where winter is long, cold, and very, very dark.
Lucky us.
(Primo and I were talking about retirement, something that we both hope can happen someday and for which we will eventually need to plan. He asked where I wanted to be when we are 70 and I said, Not here. I don't even want to be here now. I want to be someplace where I can go outside year round and not have to be cold. I want to go someplace where that darn plant would have thrived.)
Doris blessherheart maysherestinpeace sent us a tropical plant for our house.
1. You guys, I feel bad speaking ill of the dead, but Doris does hold a lot of the blame here - she is the one who wrote a letter to me telling me I would have to suck it up and earn her love and approval. All she had to do was to be nice to me and I would have bent over backwards for her, especially considering how mean Sly was to her, but I guess she wanted someone she could beat up on - someone lower in the hierarchy than she was.
2. There was not one single houseplant in our house when they came for our wedding. Maybe instead of thinking, Hmm. Here is a person who hates houseplants, Doris thought, No houseplants? I can fix that! In which case I have to say that was a generous impulse.
3. Tropical, high-maintenance plant. For a non-tropical environment. Really?
For what - six? five? years I have watered that darn plant and put it outside in the summer and tried to keep it warm in the winter. We do not keep our house at 70 degrees in the winter because we are not made of money. Our house stays a lot colder than that (have I mentioned I was tricked into moving here?) and we wear a lot of clothes at once and I keep a nice layer of fat on me for warmth.
I have coddled that darn plant - which I never wanted - and have wished it dead.
Primo came home from his trip. He looked at the straggly, almost-leafless lemon tree.
"Now that my mother is dead," he said, "I think it is safe to throw this plant away."
Which shocked the heck out of me and to quote my friend Ray Daniel, the author, "and the devil put on a sweater."
I had the sense to keep my mouth shut. (For once.)
And now the tree is gone. As it should be. Rest in peace, potted Meyer lemon tree that never should have been here.
The tropical plant?
That needs eight hours of sun a day and can't have the temperature be lower than 70?
The plant that needs to live someplace like Florida? And not in the frozen north where Primo and I live? The place Doris knew that we lived because she had been here?
In the winter, there is not one single spot in our house that gets eight hours of sun. I think there is not even a spot outside of the house that gets eight hours of sun. We are in a place where winter is long, cold, and very, very dark.
Lucky us.
(Primo and I were talking about retirement, something that we both hope can happen someday and for which we will eventually need to plan. He asked where I wanted to be when we are 70 and I said, Not here. I don't even want to be here now. I want to be someplace where I can go outside year round and not have to be cold. I want to go someplace where that darn plant would have thrived.)
Doris blessherheart maysherestinpeace sent us a tropical plant for our house.
1. You guys, I feel bad speaking ill of the dead, but Doris does hold a lot of the blame here - she is the one who wrote a letter to me telling me I would have to suck it up and earn her love and approval. All she had to do was to be nice to me and I would have bent over backwards for her, especially considering how mean Sly was to her, but I guess she wanted someone she could beat up on - someone lower in the hierarchy than she was.
2. There was not one single houseplant in our house when they came for our wedding. Maybe instead of thinking, Hmm. Here is a person who hates houseplants, Doris thought, No houseplants? I can fix that! In which case I have to say that was a generous impulse.
3. Tropical, high-maintenance plant. For a non-tropical environment. Really?
For what - six? five? years I have watered that darn plant and put it outside in the summer and tried to keep it warm in the winter. We do not keep our house at 70 degrees in the winter because we are not made of money. Our house stays a lot colder than that (have I mentioned I was tricked into moving here?) and we wear a lot of clothes at once and I keep a nice layer of fat on me for warmth.
I have coddled that darn plant - which I never wanted - and have wished it dead.
Primo came home from his trip. He looked at the straggly, almost-leafless lemon tree.
"Now that my mother is dead," he said, "I think it is safe to throw this plant away."
Which shocked the heck out of me and to quote my friend Ray Daniel, the author, "and the devil put on a sweater."
I had the sense to keep my mouth shut. (For once.)
And now the tree is gone. As it should be. Rest in peace, potted Meyer lemon tree that never should have been here.
In which I think about the things I wish I had done differently with my father, whom I loved so, so much and who died way before he should have and who should have lived until 81 instead of Sly living until that age
It is exactly 18 years since my dad died. Here are the things I wish I could have done differently:
1. Tried tomatoes with salt and pepper instead of sugar when he told me they tasted good that way.
2. Believed him when he said tomatoes taste different depending on how you slice them. Of course he was absolutely right - the ratios of skin to pulp change and necessarily affect flavor.
3. Gone down to his workshop to listen to the radio with him when he asked. Why didn't I spend time with him when I could have? Why?
4. Not rolled my eyes at the idea of my mom and his buying an RV to travel around the country.
5. Not been ashamed my sophomore year of college after he had retired from the Air Force at the age of 49 and gone back to school to get his teacher certification and had gotten a job at Wal-Mart for extra cash. My college friends' dads were VPs at F100 companies and my dad was working at Wal-Mart. I am ashamed of being ashamed. Honest work is honest work.
6. Gotten up early to hit the Rochester Minnesota thrift shops with him. I lived with my mom and dad for a few months after I got back from the Peace Corps. This was when they were in Minnesota. My dad would get up early - like 5 a.m. - to swim laps at the gym, then come home and want to hang out with me. I would get cranky and tell him I wanted to sleep. I wish I could go back to my 30 year old self and warn myself that my dad would be dead within two years and to take all the time I possibly could with him.
7. Sat next to him to watch Hill Street Blues, which he really liked.
8. I think he liked Law and Order, too, although I might be remembering wrong - was that on 18 years ago?
9. Gone bike riding with him.
10. Told him how much I loved him and how lucky I was to have such a great dad. I hope he knew that's how I felt. I think I told him that. I hope I did. I knew even then how lucky I was and I for sure know now, now that I have seen what a bad father looks like.
1. Tried tomatoes with salt and pepper instead of sugar when he told me they tasted good that way.
2. Believed him when he said tomatoes taste different depending on how you slice them. Of course he was absolutely right - the ratios of skin to pulp change and necessarily affect flavor.
3. Gone down to his workshop to listen to the radio with him when he asked. Why didn't I spend time with him when I could have? Why?
4. Not rolled my eyes at the idea of my mom and his buying an RV to travel around the country.
5. Not been ashamed my sophomore year of college after he had retired from the Air Force at the age of 49 and gone back to school to get his teacher certification and had gotten a job at Wal-Mart for extra cash. My college friends' dads were VPs at F100 companies and my dad was working at Wal-Mart. I am ashamed of being ashamed. Honest work is honest work.
6. Gotten up early to hit the Rochester Minnesota thrift shops with him. I lived with my mom and dad for a few months after I got back from the Peace Corps. This was when they were in Minnesota. My dad would get up early - like 5 a.m. - to swim laps at the gym, then come home and want to hang out with me. I would get cranky and tell him I wanted to sleep. I wish I could go back to my 30 year old self and warn myself that my dad would be dead within two years and to take all the time I possibly could with him.
7. Sat next to him to watch Hill Street Blues, which he really liked.
8. I think he liked Law and Order, too, although I might be remembering wrong - was that on 18 years ago?
9. Gone bike riding with him.
10. Told him how much I loved him and how lucky I was to have such a great dad. I hope he knew that's how I felt. I think I told him that. I hope I did. I knew even then how lucky I was and I for sure know now, now that I have seen what a bad father looks like.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
In which Primo brings home more junk and we fight on the way home from the airport but then we realize how much Ted is ticking both of us off so we recover
Things that Primo has brought home on this trip
Subject: Re: Reimbursable FL travel costs
From: ted
Date: Wed
CC: tedswife
To: primo
Just opening this email now. Primo, I feel sorry for you. I shall re-read this later and act upon it.
- Alleve
- Two lobster cracking utensils. In the almost ten years I have known Primo, we have never cooked lobster (Primo: No! That's not true! I only brought one lobster cracker! You brought the other one earlier! - which is true - I brought it home as a nutcracker.)
- An old Emily Post book from 1965
- A glass cat
- A brass cat
- A pull thingy with a glass pig on the end
- A cheese grater
- An All-Clad pan (in Primo's defense, I did say yes to that one)
- A potato masher
- A cheese grater (I also said yes to that)
- Cat refrigerator magnets
- A photo of his nice grandparents
- Photos of the cats he had when he was a kid
- A pair of wooden shoes he got when he was a kid and they went to Holland, MI
- One of two hip flasks from the house
- A bunch of legal papers, including things like the title to the house, that were not in Sly's office, not in the file cabinet (that's for naked photos of Sly and Doris), but in the spare room, where the potty chair, the craft equipment, some old board games, and an empty bookcase were stored
What he did not bring home
- A lot more cat and pig junk
- An old crocheted shawl of Doris' that he thought I might like because I am always cold and that I would not have liked even if it had not belonged to Doris because it is an old, frayed, dingy shawl. But mostly because it belonged to Doris. Yes, I know I am a b*tch.
What we fought about:
On the way home from the airport, Primo detoured downtown to the downtown post office. Why? Because he wanted to get some bills in the mail.
These are payments for his father's bills.
That he wants in the mail one day early.
For someone whose credit rating no longer matters.
I went straight from work to the airport and left earlier than I had planned because his flight was supposed to be early, which it was, only he didn't get off the plane until much later because the plane had to wait for a gate. So I waited 27 minutes in the cellphone waiting area and I had had water before I left work so I HAD TO PEE and I wanted to get home and he was detouring to go to the darn post office?
So we fought.
But then we bonded over how Ted is still being a jerk.
The two emails Ted sent this week, referring to Primo's email that he would not reimburse him $875 for a frequent flier ticket.
Subject: Re: Reimbursable FL travel costs
From: ted
Date: Wed
CC: tedswife
To: primo
As noted, I’ll address this later.
From: ted
Date: Wed
CC: tedswife
To: primo
As noted, I’ll address this later.
Primo, your behavior is the OPPOSITE of what [Ted's other half brother from his mom] is as the Trustee of my mother’s estate and the OPPOSITE of what [TedsWifesSister] is as the Trustee of [TedsWifesMom, who is not dead] estate. Unfortunately, it’s revealing a lot about you that I don’t care to know.
As the Custodian of [TedsSon], a Named Beneficiary, I have full legal rights to know everything about how our father’s trust is being handled.
You are succeeding in rapidly losing my trust.
Subject: Re: Reimbursable FL travel costs
From: ted
Date: Wed
CC: tedswife
To: primo
Just opening this email now. Primo, I feel sorry for you. I shall re-read this later and act upon it.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
In which Primo thinks about how a kingdom was lost for the want of a nail
Primo: If my mom had died the day before my dad's surgery, he never would have had the surgery and he would be alive to deal with all this stuff.
Me: Hmmmmm.
Primo: He would.
Me: Except I expect you would still be doing everything you are doing now because your dad just wouldn't do what needed to be done, plus you would be taking care of your dad.
Me: And if your dad had not fallen on your mom and broken her knees, then she might still be alive.
Primo: I know.
Me: I would never let you lie in pain for four days.
Primo: Sweetie, my dad is old. And the ER said nothing was wrong with her.
Me: Since when did your father ever accept someone else's authority? He was the smartest man in the world.
Primo: What was he supposed to do?
Me: Call 911! I swear, if you were in horrible pain and couldn't move and I had to bring a trash can for you to pee in, I would not stop until I had answers. I would not watch someone I loved in pain without trying to do something. Your dad is directly responsible for most of your mother's suffering.
Primo: I know.
Me: Hmmmmm.
Primo: He would.
Me: Except I expect you would still be doing everything you are doing now because your dad just wouldn't do what needed to be done, plus you would be taking care of your dad.
Me: And if your dad had not fallen on your mom and broken her knees, then she might still be alive.
Primo: I know.
Me: I would never let you lie in pain for four days.
Primo: Sweetie, my dad is old. And the ER said nothing was wrong with her.
Me: Since when did your father ever accept someone else's authority? He was the smartest man in the world.
Primo: What was he supposed to do?
Me: Call 911! I swear, if you were in horrible pain and couldn't move and I had to bring a trash can for you to pee in, I would not stop until I had answers. I would not watch someone I loved in pain without trying to do something. Your dad is directly responsible for most of your mother's suffering.
Primo: I know.
Monday, December 28, 2015
In which Stephanie's friend who is helping Primo says she might take Cat 1
Stephanie's friend has been helping Primo plan the garage sale and advising him on what can be sold and maybe for how much and she has been an angel and won't let Primo pay her (but we are going to get her a gift card to a really nice restaurant) has said she might take Cat #1 because her dog is old and sick.
Primo has been really worried about the cats. It is not easy to place older cats. Even kittens can have a hard time. Stephanie and I saw a cage full of kittens at the farmers market the weekend of Sly's funeral. Kittens are little and cute and fun and if you can't give a kitten away, good luck with an older cat.
So this is good news.
Primo has been really worried about the cats. It is not easy to place older cats. Even kittens can have a hard time. Stephanie and I saw a cage full of kittens at the farmers market the weekend of Sly's funeral. Kittens are little and cute and fun and if you can't give a kitten away, good luck with an older cat.
So this is good news.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
In which Primo finds Sly's sex diary while he is looking for information about a safe deposit box that may or may not exist
Primo: I found a sex diary on my dad's desk, mixed in with all kinds of other papers.
Me: A WHAT?
Primo: I looked at long enough to make sure he was writing about sex with my mom and not with anyone else, then I put it in drawer with nude pictures.
Me: Oh man.
Primo: I did read one gross part. Nancy had a waterbed when she lived with them. He wrote about having sex with my mom on the waterbed when Nancy wasn't at home.
Me: How did you find it?
Primo: I was looking for information about a safe deposit box. There are documents and lists about a safe deposit box - a list that says passports, car title, and things like that, but I have found those documents, so I don't even know if there is a safe deposit box.
Me: You laugh at how much I think about worst-case scenarios, but this kind of stuff would never happen with me. Or with my mom. I have my mom's safe-deposit box key! I have her papers! I have her will!
Primo: I don't even know if there is one. My dad never mentioned one.
Me: But why? Why didn't he tell you these things?
Primo: My dad didn't think he was going to die
Me: He thought he was immortal? Did he think he was Jesus Christ?
Primo: I don't know. Shouldn't we have a sex diary? I wonder if my mom knew about the diary. Did they do it together?
Me: A WHAT?
Primo: I looked at long enough to make sure he was writing about sex with my mom and not with anyone else, then I put it in drawer with nude pictures.
Me: Oh man.
Primo: I did read one gross part. Nancy had a waterbed when she lived with them. He wrote about having sex with my mom on the waterbed when Nancy wasn't at home.
Me: How did you find it?
Primo: I was looking for information about a safe deposit box. There are documents and lists about a safe deposit box - a list that says passports, car title, and things like that, but I have found those documents, so I don't even know if there is a safe deposit box.
Me: You laugh at how much I think about worst-case scenarios, but this kind of stuff would never happen with me. Or with my mom. I have my mom's safe-deposit box key! I have her papers! I have her will!
Primo: I don't even know if there is one. My dad never mentioned one.
Me: But why? Why didn't he tell you these things?
Primo: My dad didn't think he was going to die
Me: He thought he was immortal? Did he think he was Jesus Christ?
Primo: I don't know. Shouldn't we have a sex diary? I wonder if my mom knew about the diary. Did they do it together?
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