Me: I cannot believe you went all the way to [Big City Near Us By Train] and did not bring me a treat!
Primo: I'm not doing it right!
Me: It was our anniversary! You could have gotten me some chocolate!
Primo: But you always say we have enough chocolate in the house already!
Me: Are you human?
Primo: I'm sorry. It was right before I left that I got that email from Ted'sWife.
Me: And?
Primo: It's starting again. They want to drain the trust. They want to get all the money for themselves!
Me: That's what it seems like.
Primo: They are going to be like they were with the plane tickets.
Me: If only there were a way to deal with them.
Primo: What do you mean?
Me: I mean you do not have to let Ted bully you. You don't have to talk to him. You have the power. He doesn't.
Primo: Yeah, you're right.
Me: What did Sam say? [Sam had come to BCNUBT unexpectedly yesterday, which is why Primo took the train to see him.]
Primo: He and Sly's lawyer agree that the money should not be used to reimburse past expenses.
Me: Nope. So what are you going to do?
Primo: Well I can't just resign! I want to make sure Michael and Maria and their student loans. I can't be sure Sly's lawyer would do it right.
[You can take the man out of engineering, but you cannot take the control freak engineer out of the man.]
Me: But -- you could tell Ted that you have not even set up the trusts yet and are not ready to discuss anything and to leave you the hell alone.
Primo: I could. But they are being polite so far.
Me: OK. So you say all that politely and when - not if - they get nasty again, you tell them you are not going to discuss it and that you are going to block their phone calls and their emails.
Primo: I could.
Me: Plus there is the issue of Ted'sSon's social security money. [He has a disability that qualifies him for social security.] You are not a lawyer. You do not know how to disburse that money and ensure he still gets his social security benefits.
Primo: You're right!
Me: So you could say - calmly - that it is in Ted'sSon's best interests that a lawyer be his trustee and that you will resign as trustee as soon as you have set the trust up. That you do not have the legal qualifications to do it properly and you don't want there to be any legal problems.
Primo: They can't argue with that.
Me: Nope.
Friday, January 29, 2016
In which Ted'sWife brings up the bracelet again
Tell me. Does this sound like someone who wanted the bracelet - the one Primo has turned the house upside down to find and even went to the jeweler to ask what the jeweler had sold to Sly and what it looked like because all Primo knew was "bracelet" - as a memento?
The things I have from my grandmother - her strudel cloth, her Door County Cherries tins - and the things I want from my mom - the yellow mixing bowl that she used for making cookies and everything else - are things that remind me of them and the times we spent together, the times they spent teaching me to do the things they loved to do.
I did not ask for my grandmother's strudel cloth so I could sell it. (Not that I think there is a secondary market for strudel cloths. But even if there were - that would not be why I wanted it.)(Unless I could sell it for $100,000. Then I would totally sell it and I know I would have my grandmother's blessing.)
I asked for it because when I use it or even when I see it, I remember making apple strudel with my grandmother and how much I loved her. It brings back happy memories and I see her beautiful hands, veined and spotted with age, pulling that dough so thin you could read a newspaper through it.
I want these mementos because they make me happy. They remind me of the people I love.
But this - this is not the prose of someone who wanted a totem. In the email that included the spreadsheet asking for $156K, Ted'sWife also wrote,
What is up with that? Is that a passive-aggressive note that Primo needs to keep looking because THE GOOD BRACELET still isn't in Ted'sWife's hands?
(I think she thinks that Primo is saving the Good Jewelry for me. I would tell her that the last thing I want on my body is anything that Doris owned. I do not want a daily reminder of her. But I can't say that because Ted'sWife gets all "I worshiped the ground that saint walked on!" and what do you say to that? Besides, I don't care if I convince Ted'sWife about anything. It doesn't matter. She had her own Doris experience and that's fine.)
Who takes gift jewelry to a jeweler? Why would you do that? I think we can be pretty sure that Sly was not buying Doris any jewelry so expensive that it would need to be insured, i.e., need an appraisal.
1. They never went anywhere! Who buys expensive jewelry to leave in the house?
2. I can't imagine Sly doing anything nice for Doris. He wouldn't even drive her to book club.
3. Doris was not a dressing-up kind of lady. She was an old t-shirt without a bra kind of lady. No judging - I am the unbathed person who wears (the same) gym clothes all weekend while I lie on the basement sofa watching season 4 of "Scandal" on one click of the FF button. Right now, I am wearing makeup - eye shadow and mascara - only because I wore it to work today. I am wearing no jewelry. None. Which only strengthens my argument. I actually do have expensive jewelry that I used to insure. (Now I just hide it.) And I never wear it. I cannot see Doris ever asking for something fancy.
Now that we have all agreed that Doris probably wouldn't have super expensive jewelry, why would Ted'sWife - who had said Doris WOULD NOT HAVE WANTED A MANICURE because she wasn't that kind of person (she implied that Doris was above such petty thinking as personal grooming and glamour) - be thinking there was a diamond tennis bracelet hidden somewhere that Primo is keeping from her?
The things I have from my grandmother - her strudel cloth, her Door County Cherries tins - and the things I want from my mom - the yellow mixing bowl that she used for making cookies and everything else - are things that remind me of them and the times we spent together, the times they spent teaching me to do the things they loved to do.
I did not ask for my grandmother's strudel cloth so I could sell it. (Not that I think there is a secondary market for strudel cloths. But even if there were - that would not be why I wanted it.)(Unless I could sell it for $100,000. Then I would totally sell it and I know I would have my grandmother's blessing.)
I asked for it because when I use it or even when I see it, I remember making apple strudel with my grandmother and how much I loved her. It brings back happy memories and I see her beautiful hands, veined and spotted with age, pulling that dough so thin you could read a newspaper through it.
I want these mementos because they make me happy. They remind me of the people I love.
But this - this is not the prose of someone who wanted a totem. In the email that included the spreadsheet asking for $156K, Ted'sWife also wrote,
Also, I’m grateful to receive Doris' jewelry as a keepsake; I love(d) her very much and shall especially treasure her possessions. So far, our jewelers have determined that everything is costume jewelry—not that it lessens its value to me and us.
What is up with that? Is that a passive-aggressive note that Primo needs to keep looking because THE GOOD BRACELET still isn't in Ted'sWife's hands?
(I think she thinks that Primo is saving the Good Jewelry for me. I would tell her that the last thing I want on my body is anything that Doris owned. I do not want a daily reminder of her. But I can't say that because Ted'sWife gets all "I worshiped the ground that saint walked on!" and what do you say to that? Besides, I don't care if I convince Ted'sWife about anything. It doesn't matter. She had her own Doris experience and that's fine.)
Who takes gift jewelry to a jeweler? Why would you do that? I think we can be pretty sure that Sly was not buying Doris any jewelry so expensive that it would need to be insured, i.e., need an appraisal.
1. They never went anywhere! Who buys expensive jewelry to leave in the house?
2. I can't imagine Sly doing anything nice for Doris. He wouldn't even drive her to book club.
3. Doris was not a dressing-up kind of lady. She was an old t-shirt without a bra kind of lady. No judging - I am the unbathed person who wears (the same) gym clothes all weekend while I lie on the basement sofa watching season 4 of "Scandal" on one click of the FF button. Right now, I am wearing makeup - eye shadow and mascara - only because I wore it to work today. I am wearing no jewelry. None. Which only strengthens my argument. I actually do have expensive jewelry that I used to insure. (Now I just hide it.) And I never wear it. I cannot see Doris ever asking for something fancy.
Now that we have all agreed that Doris probably wouldn't have super expensive jewelry, why would Ted'sWife - who had said Doris WOULD NOT HAVE WANTED A MANICURE because she wasn't that kind of person (she implied that Doris was above such petty thinking as personal grooming and glamour) - be thinking there was a diamond tennis bracelet hidden somewhere that Primo is keeping from her?
In which the assault continues against Ted'sSon's trust for amounts beyond what the trust contains
Ted'sWife sent a tally - a spreadsheet - of Ted'sSon's school expenses, noting amounts that Sly and Doris paid and amounts that Ted'sMother paid over the past ten years.
Private school is not cheap. Ted'sWife suggests, in her spreadsheet, that she and Ted would welcome a reimbursement of $156K.
Wouldn't. We. All?
I would love to be reimbursed for anything.
However.
As Sam, Primo's best friend and also a lawyer, and as Sly's lawyer have advised, the purpose of the trust is not to reimburse for past expenses.
The exception is would be helping the grandkids pay their student loans, as giving them money now reduces their current expenses.
Primo wrote to Sly's lawyer,
Primo (and I, although my opinion on this is not relevant, as I am neither a trustee nor a lawyer - however, I am an English major and am pretty good at reading between the lines to discern why someone is really doing what he is doing - that is all English majors do is read lines and figure out what is going on behind them - and the lines that Ted is giving are clearly revealing that all he wants to do is to get his hands on that cash) would be more inclined to consider Ted's request if Ted were funding something current for his son and if Ted has not already shown himself to be such a greedy pig.
Have any of you told anyone the story about Ted wanting to be reimbursed more than twice the ticket price for his frequent flier miles TO ATTEND HIS OWN FATHER'S funeral?
I have yet to find someone who is not completely appalled by that.
Private school is not cheap. Ted'sWife suggests, in her spreadsheet, that she and Ted would welcome a reimbursement of $156K.
Wouldn't. We. All?
I would love to be reimbursed for anything.
However.
As Sam, Primo's best friend and also a lawyer, and as Sly's lawyer have advised, the purpose of the trust is not to reimburse for past expenses.
The exception is would be helping the grandkids pay their student loans, as giving them money now reduces their current expenses.
Primo wrote to Sly's lawyer,
As (I think) you and I have discussed, I do plan to make some of the trust assets available to repay student loans for my nephew Michael and niece Maria, but those are actual debts that they owe and such payments would directly benefit them, not their parents. In this case, Ted and Ted'sWife simply want reimbursement for educational expenses that they have paid in the past. I might view this differently if they had taken out loans and had bills to pay for those expenses, but I think they are just trying to get their hands on the money.
Primo (and I, although my opinion on this is not relevant, as I am neither a trustee nor a lawyer - however, I am an English major and am pretty good at reading between the lines to discern why someone is really doing what he is doing - that is all English majors do is read lines and figure out what is going on behind them - and the lines that Ted is giving are clearly revealing that all he wants to do is to get his hands on that cash) would be more inclined to consider Ted's request if Ted were funding something current for his son and if Ted has not already shown himself to be such a greedy pig.
Have any of you told anyone the story about Ted wanting to be reimbursed more than twice the ticket price for his frequent flier miles TO ATTEND HIS OWN FATHER'S funeral?
I have yet to find someone who is not completely appalled by that.
In which Primo tries to get me to do stuff for his political people and I say NO WAY
What the conversation reduced to:
Primo: Would you do a lot of work - take time from your Friday night or your Saturday morning - for the benefit of my political people, the very people you strongly disagree with and whom you think have contributed to the decline in your quality of life?
Me: Are you out of your mind? Do you not know me at all?
Primo: Would you do a lot of work - take time from your Friday night or your Saturday morning - for the benefit of my political people, the very people you strongly disagree with and whom you think have contributed to the decline in your quality of life?
Me: Are you out of your mind? Do you not know me at all?
* We have a pear tree in our back yard. I have been baking pies. And strudels. And crisps. And tarts.
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
In which Ted is plotting to drain his son's trust for probably his own nefarious ends
Ted is back.
You thought he was gone, didn't you? You thought that Primo sending him some of the money Ted wanted - not the $875 a ticket for the frequent flier tickets - but some of it - would be enough to get Ted to shut. up.
You would think that being reimbursed to attend his own father's funeral would be enough for Ted.
Oh but you would be wrong.
Ted informed Primo that he would send him a "tally" (Ted loves that word) of Ted'sSon's school expenses.
We are talking junior high and high school. Not college.
In Ted's defense, he and his wife had to send their son to a private school because he had educational needs that could not be addressed by the public schools. So there is that.
However.
The function of the trust is for current and future expenses. The trust lasts until the grandkids turn 30. Ted'sSon is 19, I think. Is it possible that there might be future expenses that Ted'sSon might want to incur in the next 30 years? Shouldn't Ted'sSon get a chance to ask for money from the trust?
You thought he was gone, didn't you? You thought that Primo sending him some of the money Ted wanted - not the $875 a ticket for the frequent flier tickets - but some of it - would be enough to get Ted to shut. up.
You would think that being reimbursed to attend his own father's funeral would be enough for Ted.
Oh but you would be wrong.
Ted informed Primo that he would send him a "tally" (Ted loves that word) of Ted'sSon's school expenses.
We are talking junior high and high school. Not college.
In Ted's defense, he and his wife had to send their son to a private school because he had educational needs that could not be addressed by the public schools. So there is that.
However.
The function of the trust is for current and future expenses. The trust lasts until the grandkids turn 30. Ted'sSon is 19, I think. Is it possible that there might be future expenses that Ted'sSon might want to incur in the next 30 years? Shouldn't Ted'sSon get a chance to ask for money from the trust?
Monday, January 25, 2016
In which Primo and I fight about his going back to work - I am for it, he is against it
Primo got home - when? recently. I am writing this about a week after it happened.
And we returned to the ritual of fighting, only this time, we waited until I had been at work all day.
I got home from work, wanting to do nothing more than eat something, change my clothes, and watch TV, but Primo wanted to talk about The Future, which would have been fine with me, but he wanted to talk about The Future with No Plan.
He maintained that he should get another year off without working because he has spent most of the past year dealing with Sly and Doris. (Taking the year off is The Plan. Not in The Plan is 1. When he would start to look for a job or 2. What that job might be.)
I think that is BS. Sure, an extra few months, but an entire year?
He argues that he inherited some money.
I argue that he has no idea what it's like to look for a job these days. The last time he got a new job was more than 16 years ago.
Oh, he said confidently, I will just tell them that I quit to run for Congress.
Which was when I did not scream but wanted to scream, "ARE YOU NUTS? You cannot tell recruiters you quit your job to run for public office! You tell them you quit because your parents were both seriously ill and you knew it was going to take more time than FLMA would allow. That is the only acceptable answer!"
"Not for a political job," he said.
Which left me speechless because you know what? I liked being married to an engineer who made engineer money.
I have no respect for and have no wish to be married to a community organizer.
That is the job for a 20something with a trust fund, not for a middle-aged man with an expensive education and a highly-specialized background for which employers are willing to pay.
Community organizing is for people who did not have the sense to major in something that would lead to dental and a 401k.
I do not care about saving the world. I care about being able to retire some day.
Primo wants to leave a legacy. Is that normal? Does everyone care about that? I care a little bit, but on a more personal level. I want my legacy to show now. As in, Primo and I are going to our college reunion soon. I am a little stressed about it because
1. I have no children
2. I am pretty much a failure at my career, despite my educational pedigree, which makes me wonder if I have not met my potential - depressing - if I have - even more depressing.
Given that I have nothing to brag about - my classmates have written NY Times bestsellers, are tenured profs at Princeton, are CFOs of major organizations, are healing the sick and defending the poor, my current concern is losing ten pounds. If I cannot be accomplished, at least maybe I can be thin.
(Which is not working, BTW. I like eating more than I like not eating.)
Where was I?
So we were arguing and I was getting ticked off because I am the person who is really not gaining anything here. Primo wants another year off. This year has been not very nice because even though Primo has not been making any money, he has not been home to do any of the chores he said he would do instead of making money. I have had to be the person making money AND the person cleaning the bathroom and scooping the cat box and washing the clothes and changing the sheets. I have had to do all the housework, which he was supposed to take over.
And now he wants to take another year off.
He has a valid point about the money he inherited. It's more than two years' salary, but my main concern is that a middle-aged man who has been out of work for two years is not going to be appealing to anyone.
We are at a stalemate.
And we returned to the ritual of fighting, only this time, we waited until I had been at work all day.
I got home from work, wanting to do nothing more than eat something, change my clothes, and watch TV, but Primo wanted to talk about The Future, which would have been fine with me, but he wanted to talk about The Future with No Plan.
He maintained that he should get another year off without working because he has spent most of the past year dealing with Sly and Doris. (Taking the year off is The Plan. Not in The Plan is 1. When he would start to look for a job or 2. What that job might be.)
I think that is BS. Sure, an extra few months, but an entire year?
He argues that he inherited some money.
I argue that he has no idea what it's like to look for a job these days. The last time he got a new job was more than 16 years ago.
Oh, he said confidently, I will just tell them that I quit to run for Congress.
Which was when I did not scream but wanted to scream, "ARE YOU NUTS? You cannot tell recruiters you quit your job to run for public office! You tell them you quit because your parents were both seriously ill and you knew it was going to take more time than FLMA would allow. That is the only acceptable answer!"
"Not for a political job," he said.
Which left me speechless because you know what? I liked being married to an engineer who made engineer money.
I have no respect for and have no wish to be married to a community organizer.
That is the job for a 20something with a trust fund, not for a middle-aged man with an expensive education and a highly-specialized background for which employers are willing to pay.
Community organizing is for people who did not have the sense to major in something that would lead to dental and a 401k.
I do not care about saving the world. I care about being able to retire some day.
Primo wants to leave a legacy. Is that normal? Does everyone care about that? I care a little bit, but on a more personal level. I want my legacy to show now. As in, Primo and I are going to our college reunion soon. I am a little stressed about it because
1. I have no children
2. I am pretty much a failure at my career, despite my educational pedigree, which makes me wonder if I have not met my potential - depressing - if I have - even more depressing.
Given that I have nothing to brag about - my classmates have written NY Times bestsellers, are tenured profs at Princeton, are CFOs of major organizations, are healing the sick and defending the poor, my current concern is losing ten pounds. If I cannot be accomplished, at least maybe I can be thin.
(Which is not working, BTW. I like eating more than I like not eating.)
Where was I?
So we were arguing and I was getting ticked off because I am the person who is really not gaining anything here. Primo wants another year off. This year has been not very nice because even though Primo has not been making any money, he has not been home to do any of the chores he said he would do instead of making money. I have had to be the person making money AND the person cleaning the bathroom and scooping the cat box and washing the clothes and changing the sheets. I have had to do all the housework, which he was supposed to take over.
And now he wants to take another year off.
He has a valid point about the money he inherited. It's more than two years' salary, but my main concern is that a middle-aged man who has been out of work for two years is not going to be appealing to anyone.
We are at a stalemate.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
In which Primo and I have our wedding anniversary and we don't get any weird presents from Doris may she rest in peace and I mean that but Primo doesn't do it right
It was our wedding anniversary the other day. Primo was still in Florida. I bought him not one but two cards.
The first one had a picture of kittens on it - kittens are Primo's favorite - and the second one said, "My feet are cold. Your feet are regular human temperature. That's why we work."
We are not into mushy cards, Primo and I.
My poor mom. She sends these beautiful sentimental cards with flowers and lace. They are lovely and sincere and all about how much she loves me. I love my mother. I love her a lot. I am very lucky to have her.
But I am not a good card sender. I keep sending her cards like, "When you are old, I will make sure your socks match."
That is not sentimental. It's funny, but it's not emotional and I think she would prefer an emotional card. I need to buy her emotional cards. That's what she likes. I need to think about what she wants, not about what I want to send her.
Bad, bad daughter.:(
Anyhow, I got Primo the two cards. No gifts (as if A YEAR OFF FROM WORKING ISN'T GIFT ENOUGH) because we have more stuff than we will ever need and I am trying really hard to get rid of stuff and because I have baked him three pies, one tart, and one Danish in the past three weeks. (We have a lot of pears from our tree.)
I gave him the cards when he got back from Florida. His face fell. "I didn't get you anything!"
Me: That's OK. You still have this weekend. :)
Primo: Thank you, sweetie.
Next day.
Primo: I'm on my way home [from a political thing he attended.] Is there anything you want me to get?
Me: It's our anniversary. You can get me some chocolate. :)
[I am writing the smiley faces so you can get the tone.]
Primo gets home
Me: Oh. No flowers. :(
Primo: I'm sorry, sweetie!
Three days later, Primo going to the grocery store and to do other chores.
Me: And an anniversary card! And flowers! And chocolate!
Primo, coming home: I didn't think you meant it!
Two days later
Primo: I'm at the store. Do we need anything?
Me: Some. Chocolate.
Primo: But we already have chocolate.
At home
Me: Where's the chocolate?
Primo: I didn't think you meant it! You say you want to lose weight for the reunion and we have an entire chocolate drawer!
Me: I was working on my book and was re-reading old emails from when we were first dating. Remember how you walked to the florist in Memphis to buy tulips for me? Listen to this:
Primo: Wow. Who said that?
Me: YOU DID! TO ME!
Primo: I'm not doing it right, am I?
Me: Nope. Give me your hand.
Primo: Hey! What are you doing?
Me: I am writing an "X" on your hand.
Primo: Why?
Me: So that tomorrow, when you are out, you will see it and remember that your wife wants you to do something to show that you are still hot for her. See it and do something. SOMETHING.
The first one had a picture of kittens on it - kittens are Primo's favorite - and the second one said, "My feet are cold. Your feet are regular human temperature. That's why we work."
We are not into mushy cards, Primo and I.
My poor mom. She sends these beautiful sentimental cards with flowers and lace. They are lovely and sincere and all about how much she loves me. I love my mother. I love her a lot. I am very lucky to have her.
But I am not a good card sender. I keep sending her cards like, "When you are old, I will make sure your socks match."
That is not sentimental. It's funny, but it's not emotional and I think she would prefer an emotional card. I need to buy her emotional cards. That's what she likes. I need to think about what she wants, not about what I want to send her.
Bad, bad daughter.:(
Anyhow, I got Primo the two cards. No gifts (as if A YEAR OFF FROM WORKING ISN'T GIFT ENOUGH) because we have more stuff than we will ever need and I am trying really hard to get rid of stuff and because I have baked him three pies, one tart, and one Danish in the past three weeks. (We have a lot of pears from our tree.)
I gave him the cards when he got back from Florida. His face fell. "I didn't get you anything!"
Me: That's OK. You still have this weekend. :)
Primo: Thank you, sweetie.
Next day.
Primo: I'm on my way home [from a political thing he attended.] Is there anything you want me to get?
Me: It's our anniversary. You can get me some chocolate. :)
[I am writing the smiley faces so you can get the tone.]
Primo gets home
Me: Oh. No flowers. :(
Primo: I'm sorry, sweetie!
Three days later, Primo going to the grocery store and to do other chores.
Me: And an anniversary card! And flowers! And chocolate!
Primo, coming home: I didn't think you meant it!
Two days later
Primo: I'm at the store. Do we need anything?
Me: Some. Chocolate.
Primo: But we already have chocolate.
At home
Me: Where's the chocolate?
Primo: I didn't think you meant it! You say you want to lose weight for the reunion and we have an entire chocolate drawer!
Me: I was working on my book and was re-reading old emails from when we were first dating. Remember how you walked to the florist in Memphis to buy tulips for me? Listen to this:
I like you, I trust
you, I'm hot for you, I respect you, and I don't want to face or even imagine
life without you. (Why would I want
to? Everything is better with you.) I've
always said that I wouldn't settle again, that I would wait for the person who
has everything I need. My wait is over.
I sensed that right away with you; I felt that you were the right one
and that's why I let myself fall in love so quickly. Lately, though, something has changed. I've gone from feeling and thinking that you
were the right person for me to being sure of it.
Primo: Wow. Who said that?
Me: YOU DID! TO ME!
Primo: I'm not doing it right, am I?
Me: Nope. Give me your hand.
Primo: Hey! What are you doing?
Me: I am writing an "X" on your hand.
Primo: Why?
Me: So that tomorrow, when you are out, you will see it and remember that your wife wants you to do something to show that you are still hot for her. See it and do something. SOMETHING.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
In which Primo jokes about Sly's porn and we agree that Sly was a jerk
Primo: Should I bring home any of my dad's porn books?
Me: The idea of sharing anything sexual with your dad makes me gag.
Primo: I know. I was joking.
Me: Good.
Primo: I found one book called The Sexually Aggressive Male.
Me: Your dad thought he was an alpha male.
Primo: He was always bragging about all the women who wanted him.
Me: I find that hard to believe. That anyone wanted him, that is. I believe he would brag and I think he would make things up. Most women don't want mean men.
Primo: A lot of women want bad boys.
Me: A bad boy is not the same thing as mean.
Primo: They wanted him because he was an alpha male, he probably thought.
Me: Ha! He was not alpha! Alpha men are not afraid to confront danger. They are not afraid of being physical. Or even if they're afraid, they still do it.
Primo: My dad was not afraid of being physical.
Me: It doesn't count if you are beating up someone weaker than you are. It only counts as alpha if it's dangerous to you. Can you imagine your dad ever putting himself in danger for someone else's sake?
Me: The idea of sharing anything sexual with your dad makes me gag.
Primo: I know. I was joking.
Me: Good.
Primo: I found one book called The Sexually Aggressive Male.
Me: Your dad thought he was an alpha male.
Primo: He was always bragging about all the women who wanted him.
Me: I find that hard to believe. That anyone wanted him, that is. I believe he would brag and I think he would make things up. Most women don't want mean men.
Primo: A lot of women want bad boys.
Me: A bad boy is not the same thing as mean.
Primo: They wanted him because he was an alpha male, he probably thought.
Me: Ha! He was not alpha! Alpha men are not afraid to confront danger. They are not afraid of being physical. Or even if they're afraid, they still do it.
Primo: My dad was not afraid of being physical.
Me: It doesn't count if you are beating up someone weaker than you are. It only counts as alpha if it's dangerous to you. Can you imagine your dad ever putting himself in danger for someone else's sake?
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
In which I discover the practice of naked photos is older than I am
Neighbor: Say hi to Primo for me.
Me: He's still in Florida.
Neighbor: Still? Wow!
Me: Still settling the estate. They had a garage sale this weekend.
Neighbor: He's been there a lot.
Me: I know. Hey. So if you have any naked photos of yourself with someone or have a sex diary, you might want to figure out how that should be handled when you are dead.
Neighbor: What?
Me: Primo found photos of his mom and dad. And a sex diary.
Neighbor [who is 51 years old]: Yeah, when I was cleaning out my grampa's house, I found photos of him and my grandma.
Me: What! Please tell me that they were when he and your grandma were young.
Neighbor: Wellllll.
Me: Oh no.
Neighbor: I don't even think my grandma knew anything was going on. My grandfather was kind of a horn dog.
Me: He's still in Florida.
Neighbor: Still? Wow!
Me: Still settling the estate. They had a garage sale this weekend.
Neighbor: He's been there a lot.
Me: I know. Hey. So if you have any naked photos of yourself with someone or have a sex diary, you might want to figure out how that should be handled when you are dead.
Neighbor: What?
Me: Primo found photos of his mom and dad. And a sex diary.
Neighbor [who is 51 years old]: Yeah, when I was cleaning out my grampa's house, I found photos of him and my grandma.
Me: What! Please tell me that they were when he and your grandma were young.
Neighbor: Wellllll.
Me: Oh no.
Neighbor: I don't even think my grandma knew anything was going on. My grandfather was kind of a horn dog.
In which Primo shreds Sly's sex diary and naked photos of Sly and Doris with - equipment
These are words you probably hope you will never say: "I finished shredding my dad's sex diary today."
You also probably do not want to say, "I shredded the photos of them naked yesterday" and your wife does not want to say, in response to your saying, "They didn't look that ba----," ""STOP!"
Your wife does not want to hear any defense or any description of your parents without their clothes. She does not want to hear about your dad's sex diary and sex in your sister's bed, although in your defense, you did not want to read about it, either.
You probably also hope you will never say, "I read a little bit every few pages as I was shredding. It doesn't look like they ever had sex in my bed."
You don't want your wife to ask, "Are you a little bit insulted by that?"
You don't want to answer, "Well, my sister did have a waterbed."
You do not want to have a conversation like this at all.
You also probably do not want to say, "I shredded the photos of them naked yesterday" and your wife does not want to say, in response to your saying, "They didn't look that ba----," ""STOP!"
Your wife does not want to hear any defense or any description of your parents without their clothes. She does not want to hear about your dad's sex diary and sex in your sister's bed, although in your defense, you did not want to read about it, either.
You probably also hope you will never say, "I read a little bit every few pages as I was shredding. It doesn't look like they ever had sex in my bed."
You don't want your wife to ask, "Are you a little bit insulted by that?"
You don't want to answer, "Well, my sister did have a waterbed."
You do not want to have a conversation like this at all.
Monday, January 18, 2016
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