The Candidate's Wife: Primo descends into despair. Then he talks to his campaign manager, who is worth the money just for talking Primo off the ledge. Then he believes me that he actually has a message.

Primo: I never thought I would have to run against someone from my own party.

Primo: I don't even know how to run against someone I agree with!

Primo: Stop! I have to figure this out! I have to do a complete reset! This is a completely new problem! I am an engineer! I have to think in sequence!

Primo: Screw this. I don't need this. I don't HAVE to run. I don't want to deal with a primary.

*******

Long conversation with Campaign Manager, who has, since our Big Conversation About The Value He Is Bringing, has earned my undying gratitude by being the person Primo calls when he is stressed out.

*******

Primo: CM thinks this is not a problem.

Primo: CM thinks a primary will bring me more attention.

Primo: CM thinks I can win a primary.

Primo: But I'm still not sure what my message is. She and I agree on the issues!

Me: But - you are the one who has been in the trenches since 2010. You are the one who has been fighting, by campaigning for other candidates and by speaking at hearings at the capitol and by supporting all the things you believe, for the people of this state. I am sure your opponent is a lovely pers---

Primo: She IS a nice person! She even said she had wanted to run last fall but didn't want to take this away from me.

Me: Then -- why is she?

Primo: She and City Council Not Running Again (NRA) agreed a few months ago that one of them would run. His whole thing about not running again for city council so he could spend more time with his family was bullshit.

Me: Ha!

Primo: He would be easier to run against. Nobody who has ever met him seems to like him. [Friend who lives in our neighborhood and who works in the capitol] said if NRA won this race, he could condescend to 50,000 people instead of just the people in our neighborhood.

Me: And that was unprompted?

Primo: Yes!

Me: Anyhow - your message is - and you don't have to badmouth Same-Party Opponent - is that you have been in the trenches. You were fighting even when there wasn't a chance for someone in Your Party to win this district. You have been here for the duration. You're committed. You have been fighting and will continue to fight. You didn't just show up when the odds actually got good.

Primo: Only I can't say it like that, of course.

Me: No. No need to say anything negative. But you just have to tell the truth. If this were just about positions, then robots could run. But it's more than that. This is about who you are and what you have done. You can win this.

The Candidate's Wife: Primo finally talks to the woman who called him yesterday

Primo: She wants to run.

Me:Against you.

Primo: She says we share a lot of the same values.

Me: So ----- she wants to run against you? Even though she agrees with you?

Primo: I don't get it.

The Candidate's Wife: This is what it's like wondering if someone is going to challenge your husband in a primary

Imagine having a really upset stomach.

Imagine wanting to throw up.

Imagine not being able to throw up.

Or not knowing how long it will be before you stop feeling like you are going to throw up.

Imagine thinking about all those times your husband ran when the district really wasn't winnable but the party wanted someone on the ballot.

Imagine thinking about all those times your husband spent hours and hours and hours campaigning for other people.

Imagine the district might be winnable.

And now, everyone wants to run.

From your husband's own party. Against him.

That's what it's like.

Feeling sick and not knowing when or if it's going to end.

The Candidate's Wife: The woman we had thought might primary Primo but then we decided she wouldn't just called Primo and left him a message to call her

He thinks she is calling to tell him she will be running against him in the primary.

The Candidate's Wife: Primo is asking around about Not Running Again (NRA) and we realize (no surprise) that I am not the only woman who thinks NRA is kind of a jerk

Primo: I talked to [former superintendent of the school board].

Me: Have I met her?

[I am discovering this is a Big Problem in politics. I am The Spouse. Like it or not, Primo is judged somewhat based on what people think about me. When I am with him, I need to be ultra charming and lovely and supportive and my house needs to be clean or else I am A Bitch Who Won't Bake Cookies or Keep a Clean House.

The only thing worse than A Bitch Who Won't Bake Cookies or Keep a Clean House?

A Bitch Who Won't Bake Cookies or Keep a Clean House and Who Does Not Remember My Name.

I have a really hard time remembering the names of all the political people I meet, especially because at almost any political event I attend, I am counting the minutes until I can leave.]

Primo: I don't know. Anyhow, I asked her about Not Running Again (NRA).

Me: And?

Primo: You know that little art festival in September?

Me: Yes.

Primo: She was volunteering at the ticket table and NRA walked up. He said, "I'm Not."

Me: That's all?

Primo: Yes. Just his first name. As if she should know who he is.

Me: Would she even have known him if he had given his full name?

Primo: I doubt it. She doesn't live in his district and the festival is in another district.

Me: What a jerk.

Primo: He was really annoyed that she didn't know who he is.

Me: He is a city councilman. In a small city. Even the people in his district don't know who he is!

The Candidate's Wife: Primo goes on the offensive but I am not a Good Supportive Candidate's Wife so sue me

Primo: I called Not Running Again (NRA) to talk to him about his possibly running, but he didn't answer. 

Me: I know.

Primo: So I talked to people about it last night at the Party Prom. They suggested I have a neighborhood blitz next week to collect nominating signatures.

Me: OK.

Primo: You're not going to like this.

Me: What?

Primo: I'm going to have people come here.

Me: What?!

Primo: I am going to have them come here to get the clipboards and the sheets.

Me: Oh. Lord.

Primo: And then I thought I might grill some hot dogs.

Me: Which means you will need plates and condiments and people will be in the house. 

Primo: Not necessarily! Hot dogs are finger food!

Me: Not. Really.

Primo: They are!

Me: I am not going to be a part of this.

Primo: But---!

Me: Do what you want. But I will not be visible. I am not a part of this. This is not how I want to spend my Sunday afternoon and I don't want to play hostess. I don't care if you do this, but I am not a part of it.

The Candidate's Wife: Primo talks to Campaign Manager and some other people about a possible primary challenge and is not as despondent as he was

Me: I'm sorry this is so stressful.

Primo: I feel better now. I talked to Campaign Manager and to [someone else with influence whose role I cannot remember]. They reminded me that the County Mayor* might not be so eager to fund a campaign against me - I already have endorsements from nine pretty prominent, powerful legislators.

Me: That's true!

Primo: And several unions.

Me: exACTLY!

Primo: He's not going to go against that. And Not Running Again (NRA) - he can primary me if he wants, but he is not going to get party support because I already have it. Plus he is not known outside of his district.

Me: AND he's a jerk!

Primo: I feel better.

Me: BAM!

Primo: I have to get to that dinner** early so I can ask [other prominent union leaders, politicians, and people of influence] for their endorsements.

Me: You have A PLAN!!!

Primo: Yes. Normally, you wait until after the filing deadline**** to ask for endorsements, but CM suggested I ask for them now.

Me: Great idea!

Primo: If NRA wants to run, go ahead. But it won't change my strategy. It might mean I campaign harder a little earlier----

Me: But it won't be wasted effort.

Primo: Nope.

Me: Knock 'em dead.






* The County Mayor has funded several campaigns against incumbents he doesn't like. He is trying to get a lot of power, which I totally get - that is how humans can be sometimes, but I don't agree with how he wants to use his power. He wants to develop EVERYTHING. Also - he is a rich kid who has never had to work for his own money. He had thousands of dollars in parking tickets a few years ago - all from the same location - because it was worth $36 a shot to park where he wanted to park. He's That Guy.

** I call it the "X Party Prom." Because it is. It's a prom for grownups.

*** No, I am not going. Why do you ask? Why on earth would I torture myself by spending a Saturday evening hanging out with politicians? Please.

**** The deadline for turning in the nominating petitions. For Primo's race, the deadline is early June, so he is asking (April, May) over two months ahead of time.

The Candidate's Wife: Primo and I reminisce about what a jerk Not Running Again is

Primo: Remember when NRA emailed that woman who wrote to him about the development and said, "I appreciate how much courage it must have taken for you to cut and paste from a form letter?"

The Candidate's Wife: Primo is despondent because there is gossip that Party Insiders want to primary him but he doesn't know who or what

But he does think he knows why. I have made some reference, I believe, to the development issues facing our city. We live in an older neighborhood - a first-ring suburb of houses built around the wars close to downtown. Our city has great public schools, really nice houses, and great services. It's a nice place to live.

The developers want to put high-density housing in the middle of neighborhoods of single-family homes. They want to build five-story buildings next to single-family homes.

I am not hearing any support for from people who actually live near the proposed development. Primo and I did not support the building of a 66-unit apartment building on the church parking lot two blocks from our house. We do not support development on the grounds of some really nice parkland in our city.

But there are people who want this development to happen. The people who would make money from it, of course. People who are much richer than we are and live in much fancier neighborhoods where this sort of thing would never be allowed to happen.

He has been told - but nobody will give him actual names - that the Establishment wants to run someone against him.

Primo: They aren't even doing me the courtesy of letting me know! That's how it's supposed to work.

Me: It's kind of as if during WWII, after we had started fighting the Germans, the Russians, and the Japanese, Illinois had also decided to fight against us.

Primo: This is not how it's done!

Me: It must feel like you have been betrayed.

Primo: I'm the one who ran in this district when nobody thought it was winnable. I have run three times! I'm the one who has put in the work. I'm the one with the name recognition. They should be supporting me, not fighting me.

Me: Except - they know you are not a Big Money Guy. That you're not a sellout. That you would not support big development deals.

Primo: I wouldn't!

Me: I didn't think your party was officially about Big Money and Developers.

Primo: They're not supposed to be!

Me: So as long as they say the right things about the social issues, it's OK for them to screw the little people over on anything to do with money?

Primo: Maybe.

The Candidate's Wife: Primo gets a cryptic message from the city council candidate who ran against the woman who won

Remember how Not Running Again City Councilman (NRA) tried to intimidate a candidate for his seat into not running?

Primo stepped into that fray and supported the woman who was running. He also had a beer with the other candidate, whom we shall call Candidate B.

I met Candidate B. Nice guy. Nothing wrong with him. But Woman Candidate was very clear and strong in her message of Let's Stop This Crazy Re-Zoning Required Development.

After Woman Candidate won, Primo sent a message to Candidate B, saying he ran a good race and Primo's support of Woman Candidate was not personal against Candidate B. He suggested Candidate B and he get together for another beer.

Candidate B did not answer the beer question, but wrote back that Primo had not "seen the last of [Candidate B]."

Which Primo takes to suggest that Candidate B might primary Primo for the State House.

To which I said, "But he couldn't even win the City Council seat!"

To which Primo answered, "But he would get the developer money behind him for this race."

We both sighed.

Developers. Big Money. Must money always win in politics?

The Candidate's Wife: I am surprised into having a frank discussion with Primo's campaign manager so I try to channel my management hero, Alison Greene of Ask A Manager, a blog you should be reading every day

I have not been happy with Primo's campaign manager. I thought that by January, we should have a complete campaign strategy and a week by week plan for doors, media, mailing, events, whatever.

We do not have that.

I suggested to Primo that if the campaign manager was not going to do manage the campaign, perhaps Primo should fire him.

Primo was reluctant to do so - Campaign Manager (CM) is our friend.

(Which is why YOU DO NOT GO INTO BUSINESS WITH YOUR FRIENDS.)

(OR IF YOU DO, YOU WRITE DOWN THE TERMS FIRST!)

I told Primo really specific things CM should be doing and suggested he and CM talk about them.

Here's the deal - Primo is not a planner. He gets things done, but by staying up all night to meet his deadlines.

CM is also like that.

Primo needs someone like me running his campaign.

Only I do not want to do that job.

I got home from work and CM was in our kitchen!

Surprise!!!!

Primo: CM is here. I've been telling him the things you have been saying. He knows everything.

Me [Oh man.]

Primo: I think it would be useful for you to explain what you mean to him because you are much better at organizing than I am.

Me [SERIOUSLY!? You are dumping this on me?]

CM: I really want to hear what you have to say, Goldie. It's OK.

Me [IHateToGiveNegativeFeedbackIHateToGiveNegativeFeedbackIHateToGiveNegativeFeedbackWhatWouldAlisonDo?WhatWouldAlisonDo?WhatWouldAlisonDo?]

I take a deep breath and think about What Alison Would Do.

Clear, direct, objective statements.

Me: CM. I want to see a written campaign strategy.

Me: CM and Primo. I want you guys to meet at least once a week. I suggest you meet every Friday.

Me: CM. You need to be sending us a statement of account every month.

Me: CM. I love you. You're a friend. We want you to succeed as a campaign manager. But - you have to bring more value to us than we are paying. You need to find donors and you need to find voters we would not otherwise reach.

Me: CM. You guys have to finish that highway construction ad you were filming.

Me: I really don't want to be involved in this! I do not want to manage a campaign!

The Candidate's Wife: Not Running Again (NRA) appears to have had a change of heart but we are not sure

Primo: NRA took down that tweet.

The Candidate's Wife: There really was a hidden agenda behind Not Running Again city councilman who has never recognized me when I have answered the door to him in my own house several times

Remember Not Running Again City Council Person (NRA)? The one who tried to intimidate one of the candidates - the one Primo supported - into not running?

SHE WON, BTW! TAKE THAT, NRA!

NRA tweeted that he is thinking of running for the State House.

As in, NRA would primary Primo.

Oh good grief.

BTW, this guy has four children under 12. He promised his wife he would not run for city council again and that he would resign from all the boards he is on. I can't believe she is still married to him - he has stuck her with all the work at home and I bet she has to take care of him, too. Her life would be easier if he weren't even around - it would be one fewer person to feed and clean up after.

Which means I cannot possibly believe his wife would be happy about NRA running for the State House and possibly winning. He would be home even less than he has been.

(Or maybe that's all part of her plan?)

The only good thing about this potential primary is that NRA comes off horribly in person. I know I am biased because even though he has been to my house three times - and each time, I HAVE OPENED THE DOOR TO HIM AND INTRODUCED MYSELF, HE HAS NEVER EVEN REMEMBERED WHO I AM.

I know I am biased. But someone like that? I don't think he would impress anyone when he is doing doors. Whereas almost everyone who meets Primo - even my aunts and uncles, who are as far away from Primo politically as you can get, likes him. My family adores him.

But we don't want a primary. It would suck resources out of the campaign.

The Candidate's Wife: In which Primo and I argue about how to address an envelope

Primo thinks a letter mailed intra-state needs to include the state name.

I say it does not.

We have been arguing about this for ten minutes and we are both very very cranky. I am pointing out to him that when he uses volunteer labor to address a couple hundred envelopes that maybe Labor should get to decide how the work is done.

I also pointed out to him that I have written way more letters than he has and guess what I NEVER put the state abbreviation in when I mail letters and YET THE LETTERS GET TO THEIR RECIPIENTS because the PO cares about the zip code.

But he is an engineer. And a control freak.

Do not let the people you love run for office. You will fight about things you never even thought people could fight about.

The Candidate's Wife: This is how it works when I do Primo THE FAVOR of taking photos for him

Primo wants photos of himself standing in front of the yard signs for two city council candidates he is supporting.

Here's how it works.

We go outside.

I go back inside to put on my winter coat.

I go back outside.

He fusses with the yard signs.

I wait.

I wait.

I wait.

Finally he is ready.

I take photo after photo after photo. It's cold and electrons are free. I try to get good composition with no trees coming out of his head and without his face being distorted.

Primo: Stopstopstopstop! Waitwaitwaitwait!

Me: What?

Primo: You're moving too fast!

Me: It's COLD!

Primo: Butbutbutbut!

Me, moving like a pro, talking to myself about trees and roofs and getting everything in the photo

Me: There. That's enough. Let's go inside. You can take a look at what we've got.

Primo: I CAN'T PICK FROM 20 photos!

Me: Why not?

Primo: I can pick from five. I can't pick from 20!!!! How am I supposed to choose?

Me: It's for a facebook post! That's not even about you! It's supposed to be about the city council candidates you support!

Primo: It's too many!

Me: Fine. Give me.

I scroll through the photos and instantly delete the ones that are OBVIOUSLY bad.

Me: Here. Look at these.

Primo: But my eyes are - squinty. That's why I wanted you to say, "One two three!" and let me pose!

Me: Ummm. But your eyes ARE squinty when you smile!

Primo: They are?

Me: Yes. That is how you look.

Primo: Oh.

Me: Pick one. I'm cold. Those are good enough.

Primo [engineer stuff about how he will have to upload from my camera to his computer because if I message the photos to him, the resolution won't be as good]

Me [back to Chicago Med - yes, I am that lazy on a weekend. Don't judge. I had two major deadlines at work this week and I am wiped out.]