Me: What do you have going this weekeed?
Primo: Tomorrow, I'll do doors. Tomorrow night, there is a big party celebrating the primary results.
Me: Have a good time. I'll get some movies from the library.
Primo: You don't want to spend hours with me around Polka Dots who are giddy with victory?
Me: It sounds so great. Just how I want to spend my very limited free time.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Thursday Aug 23 Primo and I have a big fight
We were due for a blowup. Primo has a temper and he overreacts to small things. I knew that when we got married. I also knew that he worked hard to control it and was far better than he used to be. I am not a fan of fighting or blowups or tempers. I don't get mad. I mean, I do get angry, but I do not blow up at people. That is not the way of the repressed northern and central European mutt. Although it's also not the way of Primo's British ancestors. Who knows? I do know that his father has a horrible temper that he - Sly - makes no effort to control. I have seen him in action. He is vicious and mean when he is angry and he doesn't care whom he hurts. I have to give Primo credit for trying hard not to be like his dad, but I wish he could be even better at controlling his reactions to things. You can't control how you feel, but you can control how you react.
So two or three times a year, Primo blows up about something stupid and insignificant, which ticks me off, because why waste energy on such small things? We always end up fighting about how we fight instead of the thing itself because the thing itself usually can be fixed very easily. I don't see the point in dissecting and picking at why something didn't happen the way Primo expected or wanted it to happen if it's easy to solve the problem. Primo maintains that we have to figure out how to prevent the problem from happening again, which I don't think is worth the effort when it only takes a short time to resolve the issue.
Here is how we approach problems.
Primo:
1. Ask why anyone would do something so wrong.
2. Assign blame - whose fault was it?
3. Dissect the problem - why did the person at fault do it that way? Why? Why? WHY?
4. Person at fault - usually me - says something like, "I forgot" or "I wasn't paying attention," but that is usually not a good enough explanation, which ticks Primo off, which ticks me off, because WHY DOES IT MATTER?
5. Primo vents for at least 20 minutes while I am solving the problem.
6. I lose my patience completely and tell him to shut the heck up, the problem is solved.
7. Primo calms down and becomes very apologetic about being a jerk.
8. I tell him to stop apologizing already, it's over.
Me:
1. Acknowledge there is a problem.
2. Figure out how to fix it.
3. Fix it.
4. Done. Life goes on.
5. Yes, I will admit I am a lot more careless than Primo, but honestly, does it matter if the laundry is folded perfectly or the dishes are completely dry before being put in the cupboard? No! It does not!
Yesterday, I entered a list of emails into a spreadsheet for Primo. I did not enter the names associated with those emails because 1. it had been four hours since I had read the original email with all the details of what he wanted and 2. I hate data entry, so just wanted to be done with it already and 3. I knew he needed the emails for a campaign notice he wanted to send out today. I intended to enter the names and addresses this weekend.
It took me 30 minutes. I emailed the spreadsheet to him and done.
When he got home two hours later, he went upstairs to check his email. I heard a loud sigh, clomping across the office, and clomping down the stairs.
I know what that sigh means. It means he is rolling his eyes in annoyance at something.
He came into the bedroom. "You didn't enter the names!"
"Oh," I said. "So?"
"I need the names!"
"Yeah, I thought I would do the rest this weekend. You just need the emails, right?"
"No, I need the names, too. I have to upload it all into this email program."
I looked longingly at my book, Malla Nunn's latest. They had just found the second dead body. "Can't you just copy the emails and paste them in the 'to' line?"
"No! That's not how it works! How could you not enter the names? Was I not clear in my email?"
"I don't know," I answered. "But whatever. Get me the sign-up sheets and I'll do it now."
"But why?" he asked.
I shrugged. "I guess I forgot. Just get the sheets for me and I'll take care of it."
"I don't understand how you could not do it right!"
"Why does it matter? I'll fix it now. You'll have what you need."
Then we spent 20 minutes - I timed it - fighting about why he has to know exactly why something went wrong instead of JUST SOLVING THE PROBLEM. (Hint: He is a control freak engineer whose lizard brain takes over at times. Thank goodness he's not a drunk like his dad or I could never have married him. Twice a year of this balony I can handle. Every day? No way.) I won't bother to give you the blow by blow because we all have The Fight that we always have with our SO. If you don't fight at all, then I envy you.
In 30 minutes, I was done updating the spreadsheet. His shoulders sagged and he said, "I've been a jerk."
"No kidding," I said.
"But you don't pay attention to the details! You don't pay attention to the process!"
"Nope," I agreed. "I care more about the results. You are obsessed with the process so much that you lose sight of the objective."
"But how can you be so [whatever]?" And we were off to the races again as we had the same fight we always have when we fight, which is that he is a micromanaging, process-obsessed, control freak who procrastinates on everything whereas I get things done. I might not do them perfectly, but I don't care if I do them perfectly. Ninety five percent is good enough for me. He wants 100%. He never throws anything away because he is afraid of making a mistake and discarding something he needs. I point out that his 1992 employee manual from Apple is hardly likely ever to be relevant in his life again. He cares about tidy stacks of clutter, I care about a clean house free of clutter.
We fight because we have radically different approaches to problem solving and project doing and actually, to everything.
"Do you think your life would be better if you were married to someone more like you?" I asked.
"What do you mean?"
"What if you were married to someone as detail-focused as you, who procrastinated on everything, never threw anything away, who flew off the handle over such little things? Would your life be better?"
He grinned sheepishly. "I was married to someone like that."
"And how did that work for you?"
"Not very well," he admitted.
"I'm shocked," I said dryly. "Shocked that two procrastinating, cluttered, bad-tempered persons couldn't make it."
So two or three times a year, Primo blows up about something stupid and insignificant, which ticks me off, because why waste energy on such small things? We always end up fighting about how we fight instead of the thing itself because the thing itself usually can be fixed very easily. I don't see the point in dissecting and picking at why something didn't happen the way Primo expected or wanted it to happen if it's easy to solve the problem. Primo maintains that we have to figure out how to prevent the problem from happening again, which I don't think is worth the effort when it only takes a short time to resolve the issue.
Here is how we approach problems.
Primo:
1. Ask why anyone would do something so wrong.
2. Assign blame - whose fault was it?
3. Dissect the problem - why did the person at fault do it that way? Why? Why? WHY?
4. Person at fault - usually me - says something like, "I forgot" or "I wasn't paying attention," but that is usually not a good enough explanation, which ticks Primo off, which ticks me off, because WHY DOES IT MATTER?
5. Primo vents for at least 20 minutes while I am solving the problem.
6. I lose my patience completely and tell him to shut the heck up, the problem is solved.
7. Primo calms down and becomes very apologetic about being a jerk.
8. I tell him to stop apologizing already, it's over.
Me:
1. Acknowledge there is a problem.
2. Figure out how to fix it.
3. Fix it.
4. Done. Life goes on.
5. Yes, I will admit I am a lot more careless than Primo, but honestly, does it matter if the laundry is folded perfectly or the dishes are completely dry before being put in the cupboard? No! It does not!
Yesterday, I entered a list of emails into a spreadsheet for Primo. I did not enter the names associated with those emails because 1. it had been four hours since I had read the original email with all the details of what he wanted and 2. I hate data entry, so just wanted to be done with it already and 3. I knew he needed the emails for a campaign notice he wanted to send out today. I intended to enter the names and addresses this weekend.
It took me 30 minutes. I emailed the spreadsheet to him and done.
When he got home two hours later, he went upstairs to check his email. I heard a loud sigh, clomping across the office, and clomping down the stairs.
I know what that sigh means. It means he is rolling his eyes in annoyance at something.
He came into the bedroom. "You didn't enter the names!"
"Oh," I said. "So?"
"I need the names!"
"Yeah, I thought I would do the rest this weekend. You just need the emails, right?"
"No, I need the names, too. I have to upload it all into this email program."
I looked longingly at my book, Malla Nunn's latest. They had just found the second dead body. "Can't you just copy the emails and paste them in the 'to' line?"
"No! That's not how it works! How could you not enter the names? Was I not clear in my email?"
"I don't know," I answered. "But whatever. Get me the sign-up sheets and I'll do it now."
"But why?" he asked.
I shrugged. "I guess I forgot. Just get the sheets for me and I'll take care of it."
"I don't understand how you could not do it right!"
"Why does it matter? I'll fix it now. You'll have what you need."
Then we spent 20 minutes - I timed it - fighting about why he has to know exactly why something went wrong instead of JUST SOLVING THE PROBLEM. (Hint: He is a control freak engineer whose lizard brain takes over at times. Thank goodness he's not a drunk like his dad or I could never have married him. Twice a year of this balony I can handle. Every day? No way.) I won't bother to give you the blow by blow because we all have The Fight that we always have with our SO. If you don't fight at all, then I envy you.
In 30 minutes, I was done updating the spreadsheet. His shoulders sagged and he said, "I've been a jerk."
"No kidding," I said.
"But you don't pay attention to the details! You don't pay attention to the process!"
"Nope," I agreed. "I care more about the results. You are obsessed with the process so much that you lose sight of the objective."
"But how can you be so [whatever]?" And we were off to the races again as we had the same fight we always have when we fight, which is that he is a micromanaging, process-obsessed, control freak who procrastinates on everything whereas I get things done. I might not do them perfectly, but I don't care if I do them perfectly. Ninety five percent is good enough for me. He wants 100%. He never throws anything away because he is afraid of making a mistake and discarding something he needs. I point out that his 1992 employee manual from Apple is hardly likely ever to be relevant in his life again. He cares about tidy stacks of clutter, I care about a clean house free of clutter.
We fight because we have radically different approaches to problem solving and project doing and actually, to everything.
"Do you think your life would be better if you were married to someone more like you?" I asked.
"What do you mean?"
"What if you were married to someone as detail-focused as you, who procrastinated on everything, never threw anything away, who flew off the handle over such little things? Would your life be better?"
He grinned sheepishly. "I was married to someone like that."
"And how did that work for you?"
"Not very well," he admitted.
"I'm shocked," I said dryly. "Shocked that two procrastinating, cluttered, bad-tempered persons couldn't make it."
Thursday Aug 23 Annoyer in chief
Primo: I met a lady at the concert tonight who isn't even in the district, but she liked me and said she might make a donation to the campaign.
Me: That's great!
Primo: People like me!
Me: Of course they do.
Primo: That's because they don't know how annoying I am.
Me: I was going to say that.
Thursday Aug 23 Melting away to nothing
Primo: I'm losing weight.
Me: Me, too.
Primo: You're not home to make lunch for me or peel fruit and I spend all afternoon walking.
Me: I'm 13 miles from the refrigerator.
Primo: That'll do it.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Wednesday Aug 22 Sauce for the goose
Primo: I went to this house. They had a bumper sticker that said, "I support teachers, not the Koch brothers." But the voter list showed both a Stripe and a Polka Dot, so I knocked.
Me: And?
Primo: It was the husband who answered the door. He's a Stripe, his wife is a Polka Dot. He was nice to me, though.
Me: You sound so surprised.
Primo: He even said that he would give my literature to his wife when she got home.
Me: That's because Stripes are nice people.
Primo: Do you think I would rip it in half if it were someone coming to the door for you?
Me: Maybe not, but I know if I were running for office, you would not be as supportive of me as I am of you.
Primo: Probably not.
Wednesday Aug 22 Comforting the lonely
Primo: I knocked on the door of an old lady today. She must have been 80. She told me she was a Stripe, but she was so nice and wanted to talk.
Me: That was nice of you.
Primo: Then she asked me if her husband's name was on my voter list.
Me: Was it?
Primo: No. I looked, but it wasn't there. I told her and she said that he had died recently. I think she's really lonely. So we talked for about 15 minutes.
Wednesday Aug 22 Primo gets a campaign contribution from an interest group
Primo: I gave a speech tonight at the meeting of the APWWSEETCATOI.
Me: How did it go?
Primo: Good! They gave me a $500 contribution.
Me: Your speech must have been really good.
Primo: Not really. There were three other candidate speakers and they all got $500, too.
* Association of People Who Want to Screw Everyone Else so They Can Advance Their Own Interests
Me: How did it go?
Primo: Good! They gave me a $500 contribution.
Me: Your speech must have been really good.
Primo: Not really. There were three other candidate speakers and they all got $500, too.
* Association of People Who Want to Screw Everyone Else so They Can Advance Their Own Interests
Friday, February 15, 2013
Monday Aug 20 Primo does doors and sees other cats
Primo: When I was doing doors tonight, I saw a lot of kitties.
Me: None as pretty as ours, right?
Primo: None as loud and whiny as the Smart Cat. She is loudest cat I have ever heard.
Monday August 20 What if Primo got a mistress?
My hairdresser: I can't believe they nominated that jerk for the senate! Everyone knows he's a drunk and a womanizer!
Me: I didn't know that!
Hairdresser: You weren't living here yet.
Me: I wonder if Primo will start fooling around. I don't know when he would - he's so busy campaigning.
Hairdresser: It's after they're elected. Then they have time.
Me: I told him he could have a mistress now as long as she cleaned the house, did the laundry, cut the grass, and cooked supper before I got home.
Hairdresser: That sounds like a good deal.
Me: But if he has one later, I will leave him and take all the money.
Me: I didn't know that!
Hairdresser: You weren't living here yet.
Me: I wonder if Primo will start fooling around. I don't know when he would - he's so busy campaigning.
Hairdresser: It's after they're elected. Then they have time.
Me: I told him he could have a mistress now as long as she cleaned the house, did the laundry, cut the grass, and cooked supper before I got home.
Hairdresser: That sounds like a good deal.
Me: But if he has one later, I will leave him and take all the money.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Sunday Aug 19 To strike or not to strike
Primo and I disagree about the appropriate way for him to spend his campaign time.
Let me offer you a scenario and you decide.
Primo could
1. do doors in his district or
2. Go stand in a picket line with a bunch of illegal aliens who want to unionize at a small pickle factory where they make $12 an hour plus benefits for stuffing cucumbers in jars, which I don't think anyone would argue is skilled labor deserving of high compensation. These illegal aliens do not live in his district. Even if they did, they could not (legally) vote. The factory is not in his district. The voters in his district are probably more concerned with tuition increases at the state university, where they hope to send their children, than they are with the plight of allegedly underpaid illegal aliens.
What do you think he should do?
Let me offer you a scenario and you decide.
Primo could
1. do doors in his district or
2. Go stand in a picket line with a bunch of illegal aliens who want to unionize at a small pickle factory where they make $12 an hour plus benefits for stuffing cucumbers in jars, which I don't think anyone would argue is skilled labor deserving of high compensation. These illegal aliens do not live in his district. Even if they did, they could not (legally) vote. The factory is not in his district. The voters in his district are probably more concerned with tuition increases at the state university, where they hope to send their children, than they are with the plight of allegedly underpaid illegal aliens.
What do you think he should do?
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Saturday Aug 18 The creeping crap of campaign junk
What they don't tell you about running a political campaign - well, there is no they and nobody is telling anyone anything - is that in addition to the fact that you will never see your campaigning spouse again except when he is sleeping, your house will start to fill up with junk.
We already had a junk problem that I kept under control through ruthless junk management. Of my own junk, I mean. Primo's junk, I don't control, as much as I would like to. Primo's junk is his and he will let his 1993 Apple employee handbook be taken from his cold, dead fingers.
Now, in addition to Primo's old junk that he imported from where he used to live halfway across the country to where we now live, we are getting campaign junk.
Direct mail from companies that provide campaign-related services.
Campaign materials from other candidates.
Clipboards.
Primo's door literature.
Primo's voter lists.
Because his office is already full of his work junk - training manuals for products that his company no longer sells, the Leaning Tower of Visa, coupons that expired two years ago, Primo has claimed the stairs, the upstairs hallway, and the guest room. He has tried to take over the dining room.
The kudzu of his crap is forming a tapestry that covers almost the entire second floor and will make its way down the stairs into the space where I live. It will probably smother me in my sleep.
We already had a junk problem that I kept under control through ruthless junk management. Of my own junk, I mean. Primo's junk, I don't control, as much as I would like to. Primo's junk is his and he will let his 1993 Apple employee handbook be taken from his cold, dead fingers.
Now, in addition to Primo's old junk that he imported from where he used to live halfway across the country to where we now live, we are getting campaign junk.
Direct mail from companies that provide campaign-related services.
Campaign materials from other candidates.
Clipboards.
Primo's door literature.
Primo's voter lists.
Because his office is already full of his work junk - training manuals for products that his company no longer sells, the Leaning Tower of Visa, coupons that expired two years ago, Primo has claimed the stairs, the upstairs hallway, and the guest room. He has tried to take over the dining room.
The kudzu of his crap is forming a tapestry that covers almost the entire second floor and will make its way down the stairs into the space where I live. It will probably smother me in my sleep.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Friday Aug 17 Some donations are more equal than others
Primo: I didn't get out to do doors today. I was too busy arranging the campaign launch event.
Me: How'd it go?
Primo: I got some sponsors lined up.
Me: What is a sponsor?
Primo: Someone who donates at least $100 - $50 to me and $50 to MaryJane. [MaryJane is in the next district and has done some campaigning with Primo. I do not like MJ at all and I like her even less now that I have known her longer. She posts crazy things on her facebook page without understanding the issues. Plus her cigarette breath just about knocks me out.]
Me: Wow! Who did you get?
Primo: Blake, Blake's dad, Terrence C., Christine A. [All local politicians.]
Me: That's really nice.
Primo: Terrence C. was impressed at what I did last week. He wants to give me more than he gives to MaryJane.
Me: Of course he does.
Primo: I said as long as we keep it on the down low and as long as he gives at least $50 to MaryJane.
Me: That sounds fair.
Friday Aug 17 Primo has to ask for money
Primo: I went to the country Polka Dot meeting last night.
Me: How was it?
Primo: After I gave my little speech, a guy wrote me a check for $50!
Me: Wow!
Primo: I know! I said at the end of my speech that I hated to do it, but I needed to ask for donations.
Me: That must have been hard - to ask for money.
Primo: It was. I don't like doing it.
Me: But that's neat that it worked!
Primo: Yes! This morning, I've been calling politicians to ask if they'll help with fundraisers for me, but I've just gotten their voicemail, so that's easier.
Me: How was it?
Primo: After I gave my little speech, a guy wrote me a check for $50!
Me: Wow!
Primo: I know! I said at the end of my speech that I hated to do it, but I needed to ask for donations.
Me: That must have been hard - to ask for money.
Primo: It was. I don't like doing it.
Me: But that's neat that it worked!
Primo: Yes! This morning, I've been calling politicians to ask if they'll help with fundraisers for me, but I've just gotten their voicemail, so that's easier.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Thursday Aug 16 Primo talks to people who disagree with him
When I got home from work, Primo was out doing doors. I called him.
Primo: This neighborhood is hard! The houses are far apart and there are no sidewalks.
Me: That's a lot of walking.
Primo: And the people I just spoke to are conspiracy theorists about election fraud.
Me: Why were you even talking to them?
Primo: Because on my voter list, it didn't show their affiliation. So I had to knock on their door. And then they wanted to argue.
Me: Don't argue with them! They will never vote for you. You're just wasting your time.
Primo: I can't believe they believe this stuff. They said there were vanfuls of people being brought in to vote at the last election. What a bunch of crap. There is no voter fraud!
Me: Well, how would you know?
Primo: How would I know what?
Me: How would you know if someone committed election fraud? If they're voting under someone else's name - they don't have to show ID - then even if the real voter came later and discovered someone had voted in his name, how would you know who to look for? You don't have a name! And if the real voter never shows up, you don't know.
Primo: If there's a problem, then people should call the police.
Me: But how do you know when to call them? Nobody has to show ID! What are the police supposed to do? Take fingerprints from the pen every voter has used to sign the book?
Primo: This neighborhood is hard! The houses are far apart and there are no sidewalks.
Me: That's a lot of walking.
Primo: And the people I just spoke to are conspiracy theorists about election fraud.
Me: Why were you even talking to them?
Primo: Because on my voter list, it didn't show their affiliation. So I had to knock on their door. And then they wanted to argue.
Me: Don't argue with them! They will never vote for you. You're just wasting your time.
Primo: I can't believe they believe this stuff. They said there were vanfuls of people being brought in to vote at the last election. What a bunch of crap. There is no voter fraud!
Me: Well, how would you know?
Primo: How would I know what?
Me: How would you know if someone committed election fraud? If they're voting under someone else's name - they don't have to show ID - then even if the real voter came later and discovered someone had voted in his name, how would you know who to look for? You don't have a name! And if the real voter never shows up, you don't know.
Primo: If there's a problem, then people should call the police.
Me: But how do you know when to call them? Nobody has to show ID! What are the police supposed to do? Take fingerprints from the pen every voter has used to sign the book?
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Wednesday Aug 15 Election results
Primo is a happy, happy man. All the candidates he has been working with for the primary won last night. I don't care one way or another because these are all Polka Dots running in completely safe Polka Dot seats that don't have Stripes challengers. It matters not to me which Polka Dot holds a Polka Dot seat. It might as well be one of Primo's friends who can help him get elected.
Stephanie Perry won, despite the smear campaign against her by her fellow Polka Dots. Now she and her dripping with disdain husband will be moving into her new district. That is, they will be selling one house and buying another and paying to move, all for a job that pays $49,000 a year. It must be nice to be able to do politics as a hobby.
He didn't get home until I was asleep and he was asleep when I left for work, but I know he will be in a very good mood when I get home.
Stephanie Perry won, despite the smear campaign against her by her fellow Polka Dots. Now she and her dripping with disdain husband will be moving into her new district. That is, they will be selling one house and buying another and paying to move, all for a job that pays $49,000 a year. It must be nice to be able to do politics as a hobby.
He didn't get home until I was asleep and he was asleep when I left for work, but I know he will be in a very good mood when I get home.
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