Primo: I need to call.
Me: Call what?
Primo: Call my mom and dad.
Me: But you called on Tuesday!
Primo: But today is Thanksgiving. I have to call.
Me: Fine. Get it over with. I have season one of House of Cards. Don't you want to watch?
Primo: Yes. But first I have to fold my clothes.
Me: It's Thanksgiving! You're allowed to be sloppy!
Primo: I like it when it's tidy.
Me: Me, too, but you are doing this to avoid calling.
Primo: I have to call.
Me: So call.
Primo: They'll want to know when I'm coming.
Me: You were just there! You were there in October!
Primo: They'll want to know when I'm coming.
Me: Ask them to look at the weather report for Hell.
Primo: What?
Me: Is it going to freeze?
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Monday, November 24, 2014
Sunday, November 23, 2014
In which a friend asks if she should have her mother in law move in with them and the blood drains from my face in horror
Do I need any more but the title on this one?
Thursday, November 20, 2014
In which I discover something to like - a lot - about Isabel, Primo's first wife, RIP
Me: Listen to this:
Mom was always doing something wrong. Like the time Chine came down for a weekend - probably more'n two years ago - it became a major big deal that Mom didn't have any clean glasses in the house. It's not like Chine couldn't wash a glass herself, but Mom should have had them washed in advance because washing the glasses in advance meant something. Like I love you or welcome of I want you to be here.
Primo: What's that?
Me: From a book I'm reading.
Primo: OK.
Me: She's right. Having a clean house does mean something. When you are excited about having company and want them to be comfortable, you have clean dishes!
Primo: You didn't want to prepare the guest room when Blaine came to visit.
Me: That's because he's your friend.
Primo: He's your friend, too!
Me: But not like with you - you have known him for almost 30 years. I've only known him a few years.
Primo: When I visit him, his wife prepares the guest room.
Me: You mean his wife who does not have a job outside of the home?
Primo: Yes.
Me: I rest my case. If I can quit my job, I will be very happy to assume all household duties.
Primo: Isabel wouldn't always prepare the guest room when we had company.
Me: OK, that's tacky. She didn't even have a job!
Primo: I know!
Me: You said "wouldn't always."
Primo: She would most of the time.
Me: When wouldn't she?
Primo: When my mom and dad came to visit.
Me: Ah.
Primo: What do you mean, "ah?"
Me: You mean your mom and dad who were probably just as obnoxious to her as they are to me?
Primo: Yes
Me: I don't blame her.
Mom was always doing something wrong. Like the time Chine came down for a weekend - probably more'n two years ago - it became a major big deal that Mom didn't have any clean glasses in the house. It's not like Chine couldn't wash a glass herself, but Mom should have had them washed in advance because washing the glasses in advance meant something. Like I love you or welcome of I want you to be here.
Primo: What's that?
Me: From a book I'm reading.
Primo: OK.
Me: She's right. Having a clean house does mean something. When you are excited about having company and want them to be comfortable, you have clean dishes!
Primo: You didn't want to prepare the guest room when Blaine came to visit.
Me: That's because he's your friend.
Primo: He's your friend, too!
Me: But not like with you - you have known him for almost 30 years. I've only known him a few years.
Primo: When I visit him, his wife prepares the guest room.
Me: You mean his wife who does not have a job outside of the home?
Primo: Yes.
Me: I rest my case. If I can quit my job, I will be very happy to assume all household duties.
Primo: Isabel wouldn't always prepare the guest room when we had company.
Me: OK, that's tacky. She didn't even have a job!
Primo: I know!
Me: You said "wouldn't always."
Primo: She would most of the time.
Me: When wouldn't she?
Primo: When my mom and dad came to visit.
Me: Ah.
Primo: What do you mean, "ah?"
Me: You mean your mom and dad who were probably just as obnoxious to her as they are to me?
Primo: Yes
Me: I don't blame her.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
In which an advocacy groups sends a survey to Primo while we are on vacation
So this group - a group I happen to agree with and one that Primo opposes - sent him a survey. It arrived while we were on vacation and having our mail held.
It was a registered letter, so the postman couldn't leave it for us.
The only option is for Primo to go to the post office to pick it up.
Do you think that will happen?
I don't.
Advocacy groups: Are you trying to piss people off? Why would you make life harder for someone whose opinion you are soliciting?
It was a registered letter, so the postman couldn't leave it for us.
The only option is for Primo to go to the post office to pick it up.
Do you think that will happen?
I don't.
Advocacy groups: Are you trying to piss people off? Why would you make life harder for someone whose opinion you are soliciting?
In which I present a short proposal for my gold digger book and the agents say that the situation is completely unbelievable
I need your advice. I went to a publishing seminar recently where there was a panel where six literary agents listened to book synopses (only the agents thought they were query letters, so that was strike one) and gave their feedback. The synopses were read by one person and the reader did not identify the author.
The reader read the first paragraph of my synopsis:
I realize this is not a great synopsis because I do not go straight into the heart of the story, but I misunderstood the instructions, which were to write a one-page synopsis. I buried the lead, so I have already figured out that part.
But I need some feedback. I know there are people who like the story I tell here about Sly and Doris because I see it in my reader stats. But the agents, who heard only the information above, said that the characters seemed to be caricatures in unbelievable situations. This was excellent feedback - first of all, it made me aware that this is a crummy synopsis and second, it makes me realize I need to make sure the characters are fully fleshed out.
I am wondering if the title might be a bad idea. The whole "Gold Digger" thing is ironic - it's what Sly and Doris call me but it's not what I am. I am thinking that maybe the title is misleading. After all, you would have to read the book to realize the genesis of the title, but if you really think the book is about a golddigger, then why would you want to read it in the first place? Golddiggers are not sympathetic characters.
What do you guys think? That seminar was worth it just for that little bit of unbiased feedback - it has given me a lot to think about. One of the agents said she wants a 35-word summary of the book, which I think maybe the summary in the sidebar here - Two weeks before our wedding, my husband's parents called to tell him 1. they weren't coming and 2. he shouldn't marry me. Since then, I have gotten along with them about as well as you might think. - is better than the synopsis I wrote.
The reader read the first paragraph of my synopsis:
A Gold-Digger's Guide to Love, Marriage, and Cranky In-laws, by Yours Truly
The story starts with the Gold Digger (aka Goldy) losing her job of eight years just after she has returned from what turned out to be an ill-advised trip to Paris to spend a week with the Moroccan millionaire she met when visiting friends in Morocco the month prior. The millionaire, Gomez, didn't even offer to pay for her plane ticket, drank a bottle of wine every day at lunch, took a nap after lunch, and then wanted to spend his waking hours shopping at The Gap.
I realize this is not a great synopsis because I do not go straight into the heart of the story, but I misunderstood the instructions, which were to write a one-page synopsis. I buried the lead, so I have already figured out that part.
But I need some feedback. I know there are people who like the story I tell here about Sly and Doris because I see it in my reader stats. But the agents, who heard only the information above, said that the characters seemed to be caricatures in unbelievable situations. This was excellent feedback - first of all, it made me aware that this is a crummy synopsis and second, it makes me realize I need to make sure the characters are fully fleshed out.
I am wondering if the title might be a bad idea. The whole "Gold Digger" thing is ironic - it's what Sly and Doris call me but it's not what I am. I am thinking that maybe the title is misleading. After all, you would have to read the book to realize the genesis of the title, but if you really think the book is about a golddigger, then why would you want to read it in the first place? Golddiggers are not sympathetic characters.
What do you guys think? That seminar was worth it just for that little bit of unbiased feedback - it has given me a lot to think about. One of the agents said she wants a 35-word summary of the book, which I think maybe the summary in the sidebar here - Two weeks before our wedding, my husband's parents called to tell him 1. they weren't coming and 2. he shouldn't marry me. Since then, I have gotten along with them about as well as you might think. - is better than the synopsis I wrote.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
In which the woman who sold her books at Primo's fundraiser states on facebook that it is her "turn to govern"
Oh man! There is more about the weird woman who didn't bring any food or money to the fundraiser Primo and I held. She is the gift that keeps on giving.
But first.
We are on vacation. Primo is a little cranky about the campaign. I told you that his social media person quit, again. We still don't know how that one will turn out.
He is also cranky because he is getting pulled more and more into the campaign, even though the original deal was just two to three events a week. I think he should maintain those boundaries, but he feels guilty for not putting forth a full effort. I admire his work ethic and commitment, but at the same time, in an unwinnable race, why knock yourself out?
We are on vacation. We should be disconnected. We should be without internet. We should be off the grid. But instead of sitting on the sun porch, watching the waves crash into the shore and listening to the loons, we drive into town and sit outside the library, along with everyone else, to poach their internet on our phones.
In our defense, it's only once a day and it's after we go in to play tennis.
In this time, Primo discovered a post by the weird woman. I think I mentioned she is running for the state house this year and has already asked for the donation of a car.
She is cranky because a sitting representative endorsed her opponent.
Let's call the weird woman Lizzy. Lizzy wrote a rant on her blog about how she has been betrayed by the sitting rep's endorsement of her opponent. I present below an edited version of the rant.
As the candidate who helped state house leader Benjamin Bratt recruit candidates and run dozens of campaigns in 2012, and who ran against [the other side's candidate] in 2000, I am SHOCKED that incumbent Julia Dreyfus has endorsed [my opponent]. The people deserve an state house person who has the background and ability to govern effectively.
[Lots of detail about her work experience and political activism, including her time as a lawyer, without any mention of her being sanctioned for trying to destroy her ex-husband's legal career. She may have been disbarred - not sure.]
[Off to the google. Not disbarred, but her license was suspended.]
Frankly, I am insulted by the lack of gratitude shown by Dreyfus for the over $50,000 worth of free effort I personally put in helping the party recruit candidates and run their campaigns in 2012.
But first.
We are on vacation. Primo is a little cranky about the campaign. I told you that his social media person quit, again. We still don't know how that one will turn out.
He is also cranky because he is getting pulled more and more into the campaign, even though the original deal was just two to three events a week. I think he should maintain those boundaries, but he feels guilty for not putting forth a full effort. I admire his work ethic and commitment, but at the same time, in an unwinnable race, why knock yourself out?
We are on vacation. We should be disconnected. We should be without internet. We should be off the grid. But instead of sitting on the sun porch, watching the waves crash into the shore and listening to the loons, we drive into town and sit outside the library, along with everyone else, to poach their internet on our phones.
In our defense, it's only once a day and it's after we go in to play tennis.
In this time, Primo discovered a post by the weird woman. I think I mentioned she is running for the state house this year and has already asked for the donation of a car.
She is cranky because a sitting representative endorsed her opponent.
Let's call the weird woman Lizzy. Lizzy wrote a rant on her blog about how she has been betrayed by the sitting rep's endorsement of her opponent. I present below an edited version of the rant.
As the candidate who helped state house leader Benjamin Bratt recruit candidates and run dozens of campaigns in 2012, and who ran against [the other side's candidate] in 2000, I am SHOCKED that incumbent Julia Dreyfus has endorsed [my opponent]. The people deserve an state house person who has the background and ability to govern effectively.
[Lots of detail about her work experience and political activism, including her time as a lawyer, without any mention of her being sanctioned for trying to destroy her ex-husband's legal career. She may have been disbarred - not sure.]
[Off to the google. Not disbarred, but her license was suspended.]
Frankly, I am insulted by the lack of gratitude shown by Dreyfus for the over $50,000 worth of free effort I personally put in helping the party recruit candidates and run their campaigns in 2012.
I urge everyone to log onto my website to read my detailed qualifications to govern and issue stances.
Monday, November 10, 2014
In which the weird woman who brought her self-published book to our fundraiser to sell when Primo was running for the State House posts our personal photos to her facebook page
Remember the woman who came to the fundraiser we held when Primo was running for the state house and didn't give any money or bring any food but brought her book to sell?
That story is here.
And I realize that in my previous posts, I have designated Primo as a Polka Dot and me as a Stripe, but now I have them reversed.
Dang. I cannot keep track. I bet you can't either.
Here. All you need to know is that Primo and I tend to vote for the opposing parties. I give up trying to keep fake names straight.
So this woman came to our fundraiser and didn't bring any food and didn't contribute any money and she tried to sell her self-published book to our guests.
I informed Primo that she was never to come to our home again, which he took quite well, as he does not care for her, either.
She has gotten weirder.
She is unemployed. She thought that the Stripes (formerly known as Polka Dots - dang! WHATEVER PRIMO IS!) majority leader in the state house would give her a job.
He did not. Even though I think he is on the wrong side politically, I do not think he is an idiot and his refusal to give her a job proves that. She is a loose cannon and benefits nobody except the opposition.
So now she is running for the State House.
1. Unemployed.
2. No money.
3. No car.
She has posted things on her facebook page (according to Primo) like, "I need someone to donate a car to me so I can campaign effectively."
My response was to snort and say, "She probably claims to love public transportation. She can take the bus."
(NB I do take the bus to work every day. I don't talk about how great public transport is and mean "it's great for other people" - I just take it.)
I was on MaryJane's facebook page. All things considered, I do like MaryJane. She is nice and interesting. Just a little intense, but that's OK.
The weird self-published book lady had shared a photo album with MaryJane.
A photo album that I would share with you except my cover would be blown.
She wrote, "Primo for Congress! Exciting news! Hey my friend Primo who ran for the State House in 2012 is running for the U.S. Congress! He is the candidate against [incumbent, whom I probably gave a name but can't remember] but more importantly he loves cats!"
And then she posts four photos. Of Primo. And me. And our cats.
Personal photos. Photos Primo had posted on facebook for his friends.
She saved those photos to her own facebook page!
I took a screenshot and emailed it to Primo.
"Why does she have these photos of us?" I asked. "That's CREEPY!"
When I came home, Primo said, "I can't unfriend her because she would try to damage me."
I shook my head. "I don't expect you to unfriend. I expect you to agree with me that she is super bizarre and this is weird and creepy."
He said, "Everyone knows she is like this."
Which she is.
And then she tried to friend me on facebook.
That was an easy decision.
That story is here.
And I realize that in my previous posts, I have designated Primo as a Polka Dot and me as a Stripe, but now I have them reversed.
Dang. I cannot keep track. I bet you can't either.
Here. All you need to know is that Primo and I tend to vote for the opposing parties. I give up trying to keep fake names straight.
So this woman came to our fundraiser and didn't bring any food and didn't contribute any money and she tried to sell her self-published book to our guests.
I informed Primo that she was never to come to our home again, which he took quite well, as he does not care for her, either.
She has gotten weirder.
She is unemployed. She thought that the Stripes (formerly known as Polka Dots - dang! WHATEVER PRIMO IS!) majority leader in the state house would give her a job.
He did not. Even though I think he is on the wrong side politically, I do not think he is an idiot and his refusal to give her a job proves that. She is a loose cannon and benefits nobody except the opposition.
So now she is running for the State House.
1. Unemployed.
2. No money.
3. No car.
She has posted things on her facebook page (according to Primo) like, "I need someone to donate a car to me so I can campaign effectively."
My response was to snort and say, "She probably claims to love public transportation. She can take the bus."
(NB I do take the bus to work every day. I don't talk about how great public transport is and mean "it's great for other people" - I just take it.)
I was on MaryJane's facebook page. All things considered, I do like MaryJane. She is nice and interesting. Just a little intense, but that's OK.
The weird self-published book lady had shared a photo album with MaryJane.
A photo album that I would share with you except my cover would be blown.
She wrote, "Primo for Congress! Exciting news! Hey my friend Primo who ran for the State House in 2012 is running for the U.S. Congress! He is the candidate against [incumbent, whom I probably gave a name but can't remember] but more importantly he loves cats!"
And then she posts four photos. Of Primo. And me. And our cats.
Personal photos. Photos Primo had posted on facebook for his friends.
She saved those photos to her own facebook page!
I took a screenshot and emailed it to Primo.
"Why does she have these photos of us?" I asked. "That's CREEPY!"
When I came home, Primo said, "I can't unfriend her because she would try to damage me."
I shook my head. "I don't expect you to unfriend. I expect you to agree with me that she is super bizarre and this is weird and creepy."
He said, "Everyone knows she is like this."
Which she is.
And then she tried to friend me on facebook.
That was an easy decision.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
In which there is more grammar stuff
Me: Why did they use that awful photo of Mary Jo in that facebook posting? If she sees that, she won't take any more photos with you.
[Mary Jo is a friend of mine who agreed to be in campaign photos with Primo.}
Primo: I don't know. I am staying out of the facebook photos.
Me: What?
Primo: I'm letting that go. I don't have time for that.
Me: That's a big step for you!
Primo: Yes, but I still have to be involved in the text. [The campaign manager] isn't very good with grammar.
Me: Oh?
Primo: That's what I had to spend all that time on the other day. He had written a sentence in the singular but had used "their."
Me: Yeah, that's a pretty common usage.
Primo: It's wrong. I won't have it on my campaign literature.
Me: Uh huh.
Primo: So I had to rewrite the sentence. The only ways to handle this situation are to use "his or her" or to rewrite in the plural. I refuse to use just "his" because it's sexist and I won't use "her" because it's affected and "his or her" is awkward. So I rewrote it in the plural.
Me: Whew.
[Mary Jo is a friend of mine who agreed to be in campaign photos with Primo.}
Primo: I don't know. I am staying out of the facebook photos.
Me: What?
Primo: I'm letting that go. I don't have time for that.
Me: That's a big step for you!
Primo: Yes, but I still have to be involved in the text. [The campaign manager] isn't very good with grammar.
Me: Oh?
Primo: That's what I had to spend all that time on the other day. He had written a sentence in the singular but had used "their."
Me: Yeah, that's a pretty common usage.
Primo: It's wrong. I won't have it on my campaign literature.
Me: Uh huh.
Primo: So I had to rewrite the sentence. The only ways to handle this situation are to use "his or her" or to rewrite in the plural. I refuse to use just "his" because it's sexist and I won't use "her" because it's affected and "his or her" is awkward. So I rewrote it in the plural.
Me: Whew.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
In which Primo wastes more time on the grammar of the campaign facebook posts
This stuff writes itself.
- This campaign thing is stressful. [Campaign manager] wants us to work on statements for posting on social media at the last minute. I was up late last night and distracted again this morning. His ideas are good, but his grammar is not so good. Then [communications manager] and [social media person] get involved, and there are too many cooks!
- [Social media person] needs to be in charge!
- [Social media person] is in charge for the most part, but [communications manager] has good ideas and there is some clashing. Then we argue about silly stuff. [Communications manager] wanted to start a sentence with "But," and I said that it was better to tie two sentences together with a comma followed by "But." Then she thought the sentence was too long, so she wanted to put in a period and start the next sentence with "However." I said that was lazy writing, and of course she thought I was calling her lazy!
- Yeah - let that stuff go. It's not worth losing sleep over (literally!).
- I found a modern style guides that says it's OK to start a sentence with "However" (at least in informal writing) because everyone knows that it means "Nevertheless."
- OK - you really are wasting too much time on this!
- But the details are important.
- :)
Monday, November 3, 2014
Politics ick
Just in case you guys had any doubts about how I feel about politics, let me share with you the line I heard on Season 5 of The Good Wife when I binge watched last week (and then followed by Season 3 of Scandal - that's the only way I like my politics - in fiction). I heard this, laughed, and thought, "It is because of truths like these that I want nothing to do with these people."
Person 1: How do you know he's guilty?
Person 2: Because he is a governor of Illinois.
Person 1: How do you know he's guilty?
Person 2: Because he is a governor of Illinois.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
In which Primo laments that he didn't marry someone who shares his belief in The Cause
Primo: Are you sure you don't want to do doors with me? Only two days until the election.
Me: Why don't you just ask me if I would like to stick needles in my eyes?
Primo: But you don't care!
Me: Nope. Don't care. Don't want anything to do with it. Even if I agreed with you, I would not want to do anything to do with it. And I think your side is way wrong, so that strengthens my resolve.
Primo: But there are plenty of couples I see working together on campaigns.
Me: Good for them.
Primo: You don't want that?
Me: You should have married someone else. I am not a good political spouse.
Primo: But you're a really good cook.
Me: So you have to pick. Do you want someone by your side for all of your political crap so that when you come home, the house is a filthy mess, there are no clean clothes, and there is nothing to eat? Or would you rather eat well?
Primo: I would rather eat well.
Me: Then that's settled.
Me: Why don't you just ask me if I would like to stick needles in my eyes?
Primo: But you don't care!
Me: Nope. Don't care. Don't want anything to do with it. Even if I agreed with you, I would not want to do anything to do with it. And I think your side is way wrong, so that strengthens my resolve.
Primo: But there are plenty of couples I see working together on campaigns.
Me: Good for them.
Primo: You don't want that?
Me: You should have married someone else. I am not a good political spouse.
Primo: But you're a really good cook.
Me: So you have to pick. Do you want someone by your side for all of your political crap so that when you come home, the house is a filthy mess, there are no clean clothes, and there is nothing to eat? Or would you rather eat well?
Primo: I would rather eat well.
Me: Then that's settled.
In which Primo has to give a speech at 10 a.m. on a Sunday and is rightfully very cranky about it
This is a Sunday. Primo is really cranky. He has been cranky about this - he was invited to speak at a union meeting at 10 a.m. this morning. He has known about this event for a few weeks and was not happy to be doing it, not because he is anti-union - he is not - but because he is anti-Sunday morning commitments.
So he has been cranky about this for weeks. Then he had to go out of town for work all last week - took a redeye home Friday night and got back Saturday morning. So no rest Friday night. He was gone for four days the week before that. He has not been home for almost two weeks. He has been working harder than usual because when you are on a work trip, you spend your days with the customer and then spend your evenings answering email, which does not slow down at all.
But Primo said he would go to this meeting. "Who meets on Sunday mornings?" he asked. "That's just crazy!"
I suggested he tell his campaign manager to wait for another meeting. The campaign manager said the union doesn't meet during the summer. "There's still September and October," I said, but Primo didn't want to push it.
We went to bed at about 10:30 last night. I had to tell Primo to put the darn phone away - he can be away from his email for now. He frowned, but did as I asked.
I heard him get out of bed at 6:30 a.m. With no alarm.
That is not Primo. That is a pod person.
I got up at 8. "Why on earth did you get up so early?" I asked.
He couldn't sleep. Last night, his campaign manager emailed to tell Primo they would be videotaping his speech.
"I thought I was just showing up and speaking for a few minutes!" he said. "I didn't think this was going to be a big deal!"
He stomped around. "I'm cranky! I shouldn't have done this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this on a Sunday. And I'm worried about my parents."
Doris fell twice last week. She thinks she may have cracked some ribs. She won't go to the doctor. If the pain gets too bad, she'll go to the ER, she told Primo.
"The ER is for emergencies!" Primo said. "Going there four days after you fall is not an emergency."
I nodded in agreement. I used to work for an HMO and we were very clear on what counted as an emergency and what did not. Pain is not an indicator of emergency status. You could have a blinding migraine, but that's not an ER emergency. The ER is for issues that will or could lead to loss of life or limb - heart attacks (or apparent heart attacks), electrocution, stroke, severe wounds. It's not for broken toes or sprained ankles or ear infections or diaper rash.
"I hope Medicare doesn't pay for ER visits for things like that," I said.
He sighed. "I don't know. I don't know why she just doesn't go to her doctor. Except she says she doesn't like him and doesn't trust him. She says she's had bad experiences with him. And with their dentist."
"Your parents have bad experiences with everyone." Almost every week, they report how someone else ripped them off - the guy working in their yard, the dentist, whoever.
"They have really bad luck."
I laugh. "It's not bad luck! Has it occurred to your parents that they are the common factor in all of this? That maybe somehow their expectations are off or they don't explain to people what they want? Because you and I go to the dentist and the doctor. We hire people to work on our house. And yet we do not feel like everyone is out to get us and that everyone is cheating us!"
Now Primo has a trip to visit his parents next month. "They have to do something," he said. "I am going to have to make them. My mom can't even go to the bathroom at night. I cannot even imagine what it must be like not to be able to navigate your own house. She keeps falling."
Part of that, of course, is that she drinks heavily. Alcohol is not known for helping people be more steady on their feet.
But I do feel bad for Doris. She would be better off in assisted living. "At least your mom would be able to have friends in assisted living," I say. "She'd have some companionship."
Primo laughs. "She has my dad. She has criticism every day! Shouldn't that make her happy?"
So anyway - Primo didn't sleep well last night because he is worried about his mother and because the campaign manager surprised him with this information about the video and Primo doesn't not handle surprises well at all.
He says he is going to tell the campaign team no more Sunday mornings. And that he has to know exactly what is going on. "I thought the whole deal with this campaign was that I would just show up and that was it," he said.
I thought so, too. It's not like he has a chance at all of winning, so why all the drama?
So he has been cranky about this for weeks. Then he had to go out of town for work all last week - took a redeye home Friday night and got back Saturday morning. So no rest Friday night. He was gone for four days the week before that. He has not been home for almost two weeks. He has been working harder than usual because when you are on a work trip, you spend your days with the customer and then spend your evenings answering email, which does not slow down at all.
But Primo said he would go to this meeting. "Who meets on Sunday mornings?" he asked. "That's just crazy!"
I suggested he tell his campaign manager to wait for another meeting. The campaign manager said the union doesn't meet during the summer. "There's still September and October," I said, but Primo didn't want to push it.
We went to bed at about 10:30 last night. I had to tell Primo to put the darn phone away - he can be away from his email for now. He frowned, but did as I asked.
I heard him get out of bed at 6:30 a.m. With no alarm.
That is not Primo. That is a pod person.
I got up at 8. "Why on earth did you get up so early?" I asked.
He couldn't sleep. Last night, his campaign manager emailed to tell Primo they would be videotaping his speech.
"I thought I was just showing up and speaking for a few minutes!" he said. "I didn't think this was going to be a big deal!"
He stomped around. "I'm cranky! I shouldn't have done this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this on a Sunday. And I'm worried about my parents."
Doris fell twice last week. She thinks she may have cracked some ribs. She won't go to the doctor. If the pain gets too bad, she'll go to the ER, she told Primo.
"The ER is for emergencies!" Primo said. "Going there four days after you fall is not an emergency."
I nodded in agreement. I used to work for an HMO and we were very clear on what counted as an emergency and what did not. Pain is not an indicator of emergency status. You could have a blinding migraine, but that's not an ER emergency. The ER is for issues that will or could lead to loss of life or limb - heart attacks (or apparent heart attacks), electrocution, stroke, severe wounds. It's not for broken toes or sprained ankles or ear infections or diaper rash.
"I hope Medicare doesn't pay for ER visits for things like that," I said.
He sighed. "I don't know. I don't know why she just doesn't go to her doctor. Except she says she doesn't like him and doesn't trust him. She says she's had bad experiences with him. And with their dentist."
"Your parents have bad experiences with everyone." Almost every week, they report how someone else ripped them off - the guy working in their yard, the dentist, whoever.
"They have really bad luck."
I laugh. "It's not bad luck! Has it occurred to your parents that they are the common factor in all of this? That maybe somehow their expectations are off or they don't explain to people what they want? Because you and I go to the dentist and the doctor. We hire people to work on our house. And yet we do not feel like everyone is out to get us and that everyone is cheating us!"
Now Primo has a trip to visit his parents next month. "They have to do something," he said. "I am going to have to make them. My mom can't even go to the bathroom at night. I cannot even imagine what it must be like not to be able to navigate your own house. She keeps falling."
Part of that, of course, is that she drinks heavily. Alcohol is not known for helping people be more steady on their feet.
But I do feel bad for Doris. She would be better off in assisted living. "At least your mom would be able to have friends in assisted living," I say. "She'd have some companionship."
Primo laughs. "She has my dad. She has criticism every day! Shouldn't that make her happy?"
So anyway - Primo didn't sleep well last night because he is worried about his mother and because the campaign manager surprised him with this information about the video and Primo doesn't not handle surprises well at all.
He says he is going to tell the campaign team no more Sunday mornings. And that he has to know exactly what is going on. "I thought the whole deal with this campaign was that I would just show up and that was it," he said.
I thought so, too. It's not like he has a chance at all of winning, so why all the drama?
Friday, October 31, 2014
In which I quit my job but not until after a lot more weirdness
It has been three months since I quit the job at SergioLandia.
My life is a million times better.
Even though I have some PTSD, I think. Every time my new boss, who is wonderful, calls me into his office, I worry that I am getting into some kind of trouble. But I am not. It is either because he wants to clarify something or ask me to do something or, as it was the other day, to tell me I was doing a good job and that I should not be bothered by his teasing. I am not bothered by his teasing. I would be worried if he did not tease me - ie, treat me the way he treats my two male co-workers. But the fact that he treats us all alike (and well) is good.
I still flinch when I hear an Argentine accent. (Not really Argentine, but that is the nationality I have picked for Sergio for this blog. He is not from the US and had a very strong accent, but his jerkiness has nothing to do with his national origins and everything to do with his jerkiness.) There is an ad that has been playing on the radio and the speaker has an Argentine accent. As soon as it comes on, I change the station.
I go to work now. I no longer have a window office overlooking the river and that makes me sad.
But there is no radio in my office. There are no vipers. There is no gossip, no tattle-taling, no drama. There must be drama somewhere but I have yet to encounter it. There are nice, hard-working, SMART people. I had forgotten what it was like to work with really smart people who do not have to have basic things explained to them - I had forgotten what it was like to work with a boss who had to be told why you could not calculate a percentage increase of margin year over year when the previous year showed a loss and current year a gain.
It is really nice to work with hard working, nice, smart people.
But I have not forgotten some of the craziness at the end at SergioLandia. Right before I quit, which I did the morning that my boss wanted to have my six-month review with me -
Yes! Six months! And did I tell you what the review was going to cover? I had to complete a form where I rated myself on questions like,
Did I come to work on time?
Did I finish my breaks on time?
Did I dress appropriately for work?
Did I answer the phone properly?
I asked my boss why I was completing an evaluation that appeared to be geared toward someone in a very low-level hourly job and he just shrugged. Blesshisheart, I think he had given up by that point.
I did find out that my boss' predecessor had been fired. The predecessor spoke to a friend of mine and said he was so much better now that he was not working for Sergio. His "nervous twitch" was gone, my friend said.
Oh. My boss wanted to have my six-month review but I gave him my resignation instead and it was a great day.
But before I quit, here are some of the things Sergio did:
1. He hired his wife as his executive assistant, with the excuse that she was already doing the work so why shouldn't she be paid for it?
2. He changed the T&E rules so the company would cover his children's travel with him on business trips. Let me note for the record here that this is the same man who stopped buying nameplates for new employees because it was getting too expensive.
3. After the HR audit he had done of the company - the one where nobody answered the questions honestly because we all knew there could be repercussions, he decided that the problem with the company was that there was a lack of respect for authority (well, yes) and that he needed an HR department in Argentina, I guess to get people in line.
4. I made a note before my last day that, "kicks A out of his office after C loses her corner office" but I cannot remember the details. I will have to ask my friend who still works there what that was about.
5. I lost 32 hours of PTO because SergioLandia does not pay out unused vacation, those cheap SOBs. On my first day at the new job, in my orientation with HR, I asked about that. I told them I was not planning to quit any time soon but I had never before worked anywhere with a policy like that and I wanted to know what the deal was.
But don't worry. They didn't pay out those hours. But I made sure I took them. Beware, bad employers. You reap what you sow. I will work my butt off for a good boss and you will get more than your money's worth from me, but if you nickel and dime me, that is what you will get in return.
My life is a million times better.
Even though I have some PTSD, I think. Every time my new boss, who is wonderful, calls me into his office, I worry that I am getting into some kind of trouble. But I am not. It is either because he wants to clarify something or ask me to do something or, as it was the other day, to tell me I was doing a good job and that I should not be bothered by his teasing. I am not bothered by his teasing. I would be worried if he did not tease me - ie, treat me the way he treats my two male co-workers. But the fact that he treats us all alike (and well) is good.
I still flinch when I hear an Argentine accent. (Not really Argentine, but that is the nationality I have picked for Sergio for this blog. He is not from the US and had a very strong accent, but his jerkiness has nothing to do with his national origins and everything to do with his jerkiness.) There is an ad that has been playing on the radio and the speaker has an Argentine accent. As soon as it comes on, I change the station.
I go to work now. I no longer have a window office overlooking the river and that makes me sad.
But there is no radio in my office. There are no vipers. There is no gossip, no tattle-taling, no drama. There must be drama somewhere but I have yet to encounter it. There are nice, hard-working, SMART people. I had forgotten what it was like to work with really smart people who do not have to have basic things explained to them - I had forgotten what it was like to work with a boss who had to be told why you could not calculate a percentage increase of margin year over year when the previous year showed a loss and current year a gain.
It is really nice to work with hard working, nice, smart people.
But I have not forgotten some of the craziness at the end at SergioLandia. Right before I quit, which I did the morning that my boss wanted to have my six-month review with me -
Yes! Six months! And did I tell you what the review was going to cover? I had to complete a form where I rated myself on questions like,
Did I come to work on time?
Did I finish my breaks on time?
Did I dress appropriately for work?
Did I answer the phone properly?
I asked my boss why I was completing an evaluation that appeared to be geared toward someone in a very low-level hourly job and he just shrugged. Blesshisheart, I think he had given up by that point.
I did find out that my boss' predecessor had been fired. The predecessor spoke to a friend of mine and said he was so much better now that he was not working for Sergio. His "nervous twitch" was gone, my friend said.
Oh. My boss wanted to have my six-month review but I gave him my resignation instead and it was a great day.
But before I quit, here are some of the things Sergio did:
1. He hired his wife as his executive assistant, with the excuse that she was already doing the work so why shouldn't she be paid for it?
2. He changed the T&E rules so the company would cover his children's travel with him on business trips. Let me note for the record here that this is the same man who stopped buying nameplates for new employees because it was getting too expensive.
3. After the HR audit he had done of the company - the one where nobody answered the questions honestly because we all knew there could be repercussions, he decided that the problem with the company was that there was a lack of respect for authority (well, yes) and that he needed an HR department in Argentina, I guess to get people in line.
4. I made a note before my last day that, "kicks A out of his office after C loses her corner office" but I cannot remember the details. I will have to ask my friend who still works there what that was about.
5. I lost 32 hours of PTO because SergioLandia does not pay out unused vacation, those cheap SOBs. On my first day at the new job, in my orientation with HR, I asked about that. I told them I was not planning to quit any time soon but I had never before worked anywhere with a policy like that and I wanted to know what the deal was.
But don't worry. They didn't pay out those hours. But I made sure I took them. Beware, bad employers. You reap what you sow. I will work my butt off for a good boss and you will get more than your money's worth from me, but if you nickel and dime me, that is what you will get in return.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
In which Primo has to compete with trick or treaters to campaign
I am posting this one in real time so you will see how stupid it is here. Our trick or treating happened today. It is not Halloween. It is the Sunday before Halloween. We do not trick or treat on Halloween here unless Halloween falls on a Sunday. Is nothing sacred?
Anyhow, Primo went out as a politician.
I joke.
He said he couldn't do doors because the kids would be trick or treating. I said he should tell homeowners that he was not asking for anything their vote.
Which he did. Actually, the way it worked was he came home from an afternoon of doors and said, "So I had this idea! I told people I wasn't asking for candy but for their vote!"
"Great idea!" I said.
I wish he had asked for some candy, except he probably would have gotten just peppermints. Who gives regular-sized candy bars to a politician?
Anyhow, Primo went out as a politician.
I joke.
He said he couldn't do doors because the kids would be trick or treating. I said he should tell homeowners that he was not asking for anything their vote.
Which he did. Actually, the way it worked was he came home from an afternoon of doors and said, "So I had this idea! I told people I wasn't asking for candy but for their vote!"
"Great idea!" I said.
I wish he had asked for some candy, except he probably would have gotten just peppermints. Who gives regular-sized candy bars to a politician?
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