In which we cancel the party I have been wanting to have for six years because Primo is so exhausted after 20 days of dealing with Sly and Doris

For six years, I have wanted to have a party at our house.

Not a political event.

Not a fundraiser.

Not a meet and greet for one of Primo's candidates.

A party. The kind where you invite people you like to your house and give them food and drink.

For six years, Primo has been putting that off.

We have had three political events at our house in that time.

Political events that I have done the prep work for. Political events for people I DO NOT EVEN LIKE.

I wanted a party.

So he finally agreed.

(Related: There are two cases of souvenir brewery tour glasses that Primo has collected over the past ten years in our basement. When we moved into the house, I suggested that we  might give the glasses to Goodwill so that poor people who cannot afford the brewery tour might have brewery glassware in their homes, but Primo always said that no, those glasses were for when we had a party. Which he never wanted to have.)

He finally agreed.

We argued over the guest list. I wanted to invite everyone I know and like. Primo said there would not be room in our house. I said not everyone we invite will come.

We argued.

We argued over the evite because - prepare yourself - Primo wanted to micromanage.

We finally sent the invitation.

And then Sly announced he was having knee surgery.

And he announced that Primo would be taking care of him.

Primo would not be getting back to our house until the Thursday before the party. We delayed the party a week, which meant calling and emailing people to make sure they knew.

Then Primo ended up staying a week longer than planned at Sly and Doris' because - oh heck you know why - because Sly and Doris think the laws of physics do not apply to them and that Sly would be completely healed after just a few days so why on earth would they need help after a week?

Primo would be happy with leaving Sly to his own devices, but he feels bad for his mother, so is always trying to save her. (I said I didn't think Primo could save her. He said, "She can't save herself. What am I supposed to do?")

So he stayed an extra week only it became more involved than that - it was almost as expensive to change his ticket as it was to buy a new one so he came home for 48 hours so we could go to the Barry Manilow concert together and so he could attend a protest at the state capital.

Only after he made his new arrangements, the concert was moved and Primo missed it.

(Reason #561 to hate Sly: He made Primo miss attending an event with me that we had been anticipating for four months.)

Primo went to Sly and Doris' for an extra week. I kept asking him if he wanted to cancel the party because every time I spoke to him, he was completely exhausted. But he kept putting on a brave face and saying no, no, no. It was too late.

He got home on Thursday. The party was supposed to be on Saturday.

We had a big fight.

(Are we the only ones who fight? Do you guys fight with your spouses? We almost always have a fight when he comes back from visiting Sly and Doris. I no longer even take it personally - I am quite detached and think, "Well, this should be winding down in a little while." It's almost like watching a little kid blow off steam only this is a grown man blowing off steam by arguing about cheese and laundry detergent while I roll my eyes and say, "You realize you are being a lot like your dad, right?" which is Primo's kryptonite because the last thing he wants is to be like Sly. I try not to use that one very often because it is kind of mean, but sometimes, he falls into the patterns he learned as a kid.)

We had a big fight. I asked if he wanted to cancel the party.

No, no, no.

"Because this is about as late as we can cancel," I warned.

No, no, no.

On Friday, I got home from work and we argued again.

I asked if he wanted to cancel.

No! He did not want the burden of being the one to cancel.

"I promise I will not hold it against you," I said. "I will hold it against your mom and dad because you have been such an unbearable crank since you got home, but I won't hold it against you. I know how exhausting it is to take care of someone who is sick. I was so tired when my dad was sick and my dad was nice! And I didn't have to take care of a drunk mother! I had about the ideal caregiver circumstances and I was still wiped out. You have a miserable situation. It's OK for us to cancel. But you have to decide."

"I don't want to disappoint you!" he said. "You've wanted to have a party for so long and you have been so excited and happy about this. I can't bear to take this away from you. Besides, people will think I am an idiot for cancelling this late."

"I don't care," I said. "I am tired of the crankiness. I would cancel the party just to have it be quiet around here. And anyone with parents will understand."

So I cancelled.

And everyone completely understood. They sent super nice notes saying yeah, it is really hard to deal with aging, sick parents and they hoped Primo would rest and recuperate and that they would see us soon.

Doris asked Primo how the party was.

He told her we had cancelled it.

"Did GD throw a hissy fit?" she asked.

OK, she might not have used those exact words, but that was the sense of her question.

No, Primo told her. It was GD's idea.

Well didn't that hush Doris' mouf.

In which Sly cannot praise the hamburgers that Primo grilled for him but must compete instead

Primo called me.

"I made dinner for my mom and dad. I got some really good beef - Strauss - and I grilled hamburgers. They were really good."

"I'm sure. You make good hamburgers."

"My dad --"

"What did he say?"

"He said these were OK, but his hamburgers are more rare."

"And I guess that means his are better?"

"Yes. As if that's a statement that his hamburgers are better. Now he makes his in a skillet and I grill m--"

"That's not even the point! The point is not whose hamburgers are better. It's that he couldn't even say one nice thing about you - that it had to be about him. That he has to compete with his own son."

"Yes. The point with him is that he is superior."

In which Sly informs Primo that their social life would not improve in a retirement community because people find Sly and Doris "intimidating"

Primo brought up to his dad that he thought Doris might be happier in a retirement community.

"She could meet people for coffee, she could play cards, she could be in a book club," he said to Sly.

Sly shook his head. "Your mother and I intimidate people."

When Primo told me this story, I said, "It's a good thing we don't know any smart people. Or we might be really intimidated."

Primo agreed. "Our friends must all be not smart. Otherwise, we would not want to be friends with them."

"And we must not be smart, either, or nobody would want to be friends with us."

We are very lucky that we are not smart and our friends are not smart. We would be lonely indeed if there were nothing but intimidating people around us.

In which Sly and Doris meet the retired RN who does caretaking and Sly thinks she is "smug"

Me 

how did it go with the RN/caretaker?

8:23am

Primo

She is very nice. They are going to give her a try. She will start by taking my dad to his surgery follow-up appointment on Friday.

We will see whether something like this can work. I didn't detect anything negative, but my dad thought that she seemed "smug."

Primo

I'm worn out. I will probably feel like being cranky about getting ready for the party after I get home.

Debbie did recommend an assisted-living place in town that we did not know about. My mom and I are going to look at it before I leave.

She said that assisted living was definitely "the direction in which they need to go" (or something like that).

Me 

back to your dad - what is his plan if the smug lady doesn't work out?
And will she do light housekeeping and cooking?

9:13am

Primo

Yes, she will.

I don't know what his plan is.

I don't think she is smug.

She said that she could do all kinds of stuff and that she is a good cook. I think they wanted her to acknowledge her limitations.

9:16am

Me 

Oh for pete's sake

do they want to sit in their own pee?

or do they want help?

if there are specific limitations that concern them, they could ask her.

Otherwise, of course she is going to highlight what she can do well

Primo

My mom mentioned today that we shouldn't talk to him about not being gracious and apologetic enough because he'd take it out on her after I leave.

1:49pm

Me 

that is very disturbing

Things Primo is not doing because he is stuck taking care of Sly and Doris - I think he should let them figure it out themselves - they are like alcoholics (well, they are alcoholics) - they need to hit rock bottom

Things Primo had promised to have done by the end of January February

1. The taxes, or most of it

2. The time share that Isabel got after the divorce but never took Primo's name off so when she died a year ago, it became Primo's problem and Primo's credit score, even though the time share people were perfectly happy to lend Isabel money to buy more credits without Primo's signature. The moral of this story is if you get divorced, make sure your ex has taken care of all the paperwork for things like this after the divorce or just do it yourself. Otherwise, you will be dealing with a huge pain in the neck after the ex dies.

3. Preparing my old computer to give to our bachelor neighbor with MS. Primo got me a new reconditioned HP, which I really don't like that much because it is so slow that I might as well have kept the old one, but it's too late to return it. It came with Windows 8, which could be the problem. Who knows? Anyhow, he was going to have my old one ready for Keith the first week of January.

It is still sitting in the living room.

Not sure any of this stuff would actually have been resolved even if Primo weren't having to deal with Sly and Doris, but now there is a legitimate reason for him not to finish the work.

In which there is more plumbing drama - if you are squeamish, don't read this

Primo stayed with Sly and Doris for a week.

Then came home for a day and a half.

And went back to Sly and Doris', where he will be for a week.

Because - and you know this - they had made no provisions whatsoever for care after Primo's departure and are incapable of taking care of themselves.

Primo has arranged for a retired RN who now does caretaking, including light housework, cooking, and grocery shopping, to come for an interview today.

Sunday

3/1, 8:43am

Primo

Cranky this morning. My dad peed in his shorts again last night. Fortunately, he was on a waterproof pad.

And one of the cats left a big, runny poop on the floor.

8:43am

Me

oh no!!

nobody is doing it right!

3/1, 8:44am

Primo

My mom thinks that Dad may be so embarrassed that he can't say anything. I said that it would help if he said that he's embarrassed.

8:44am

Me

Yeah

Your dad is never at a loss for words

I rather doubt he is too embarrassed to say anything

3/1, 8:44am

Primo

And apologized for our having to clean it up.

8:44am

Me

yes

8:44am

Primo

(It would help if he had also done that.)

8:44am

Me

I know what you meant

no, he is not embarrassed

3/1, 8:45am

Primo

I had to get up early because there was a lot of noise when the "accident" was discovered.

Cranky!

The lady who may be able to help is coming over at noon.

8:45am

Me

should be cranky!

they couldn't have quietly dealt with it?

or quietly waited for you to get up later?

3/1, 8:46am

Primo

My mom had to find the second waterproof pad, so there was much clattering around.

In which - surprise - Sly and Doris didn't make any plans for extra help after Sly's surgery, even though Doris can hardly walk

Primo: Their cleaning lady gave them a recommendation weeks ago of someone who could come in more frequently to clean and to cook.

Me: Oh good!

Primo: They haven't even *called* her.

Me: What is their plan?

Primo: My mom can hardly do anything. There were a few weeks' worth of clean laundry piled up. She rarely puts it away. There were two days' worth of dirty dishes when I arrived. She often just rinses them and puts them on the counter, which takes her longer than I take to put them in the dishwasher and leave everything clean.

Me: They need help.

Primo: I know.

Me: They know that you cannot stay there forever, right?

Primo: It seems that I'm going to have to make a plan (or push them to do so; I mean while I sit here, not just encourage them).

Me: You moving in with them is not an option, even if they think it is. Right?

Primo: Right.

In which there are more plumbing problems

Primo: My dad has soiled two pairs of underwear and peed on the sofa. They are on the verge of needing full-time care. I've already entertained the idea of having to stay beyond Tuesday. I don't want to.

Me: Oh man. What a mess. Peed on the sofa?

Primo: My dad can't always control things. He need to pee and got some on the couch. He got mad at me when I didn't get a towel to clean it up quickly enough.

Me: Oh man.

Primo: And when I had to empty the urine bottles and indicated that the task might not be so pleasant, he got mad at me.

Me: At least when my dad was sick, I didn't resent him for not having done what he needed to do to prevent problems. He was 61 and in perfect health and had only a few months before passed a physical. There is nothing he could have done to have made that situation any easier. And my mom was healthy, too. She was only 53. The few times he wasn't in the hospital, she would not let me do anything with him to do with body functions. She did not want me to see him like that and she didn't want him to see me seeing that.

Primo: You were angry at the cancer.

Me: Right. But not at him. Never at him. I had it easier than you do, in a way. I loved my father. I never resented him or felt angry that I was having to take care of someone who was not always nice to me. My dad was a sweetheart. Everyone loved him. People flew from all over the US to his funeral in a tiny town in northern Wisconsin. He had friends all over the world. I hated the cancer. But never my dad. And the one time I lost my patience with him --- I am still so ashamed about that. My sweet dad.

Primo: My dad is very difficult and sometimes mean. I told him I expected to clean urine with you maybe someday, but it's not something you expect to be doing for your parents. He said it was a good thing I had never had kids, then.

Me: But it doesn't make it any less gross doing it for your own kids! It's just that you assumed that responsibility voluntarily! Your dad should be grateful that you are doing this for him, not acting like he is doing you a favor to let you handle his functions!

In which Sly has - how do I say this? - problems associated with older men and their plumbing

Just was messaging with Primo.

Primo: I am not good at this kind of stuff. He's dripped pee on the bathroom floor, etc.

Me: Oh ick. You never do that. Tell him to sit.

Primo: It is difficult for him to sit down and get up, so he will not sit to pee. Most men don't. I do (except in public bathrooms) because it's neater and cleaner.

Me: So who will clean the pee off the floor?

Primo: I will do it because it grosses me out. I use that bathroom.

Me: No. Once you are gone. [Doris can't do it. She can hardly walk.] Why don't they ask their cleaning lady to come in more often?

Primo: She might do some grocery shopping.

Me: They could pay her to come in and clean more than once every two weeks!

In which the person who won the primary is the 22 year old son of the man who currently holds the seat

Primo had decided not to run for the county government. We knew that. I was not super thrilled because I thought that was the whole reason he was taking the sabbatical - to give elected office another shot.

But he decided not to run.

And then we discovered that someone on our city council, who would be very good, was running. And another guy whom I don't know.

And the son of the guy who currently holds the seat. I can't remember what I have called this guy in the blog - but he is the one who held the state house seat that Primo ran for. He left the state house after redistricting because he didn't think he could  be re-elected. He ran for county government instead. Won that seat. Then when the pay was cut for county government, this guy ran for treasurer, a position for which he is completely unqualified unless you don't care if your treasurer actually has a background in finance and accounting, which apparently, the voters in county do not.

Honestly. People really do get the government they deserve. Or the majority does. I did not vote for this guy. I do not deserve incompetence. I do not deserve this at all.

So this guy wins the treasurer seat, which means his seat on the county government is available. Primo was maybe going to run, but he didn't.

But this guy's son did.

The son is 22 years old.

He lives with his mom and dad.

He thinks he can represent people who

1. have jobs
2. pay taxes

OK. I just checked his campaign page. He does have a job now. And he has been an intern. He says he will bring that valuable experience with him to the government if he is elected.

But. He is 22 years old. He lives at home. He does not pay property taxes. He does not shop for groceries. He does not pay the light bill. He does not deal with adult concerns.

Yet he was one of the two candidates to make it through the primary. Not the guy who has six years on our city council and a very strong record. But the other novice and the kid.

Because stupid voters - yes, I said "stupid" - are voting for him because they recognize the name and either do not know or do not care that he is not his father. (Not that his father was any good, either. Twenty years at the state house and he accomplished pretty much nothing.)

We will get the government we deserve.

In which Sly is alive after surgery and my friend is not - where is the justice in that?

Primo is still at his mom and dad's, helping out because Sly and Doris have for years refused to look at reality in the face, which of course they can do because they know Primo will come to their rescue. I do not understand such behavior. Sure, I would rescue my mother, but my mother has invested time and effort into making sure she does not need to be rescued, which is why I would rescue her. If my mother had refused to put her affairs in order - to have her financial paperwork done (I am the executor of her will and I have a copy, my sister, the nurse practitioner, has my mom's health care power of attorney, and of course has a copy of the paperwork, I have the financial power of atty, etc, etc), to have plans, then I would not be so inclined to help, although I suspect that if my mom were that type of person - a disorganized mess, she would have raised me to be her savior and it would be all I had ever known.

As in - Sly and Doris raised Primo to be their savior. I have read about the children of alcoholic parents. The parents teach, through their actions, the child how to be their rescuer.

I don't know how to make Primo not rescue them. I can't. I just have to detach. He feels like the only choices are to abandon them or to rescue them. I said they could hire help. (They can afford it.) He says they would never find someone they liked. I say then it is not your problem. They are the ones making that choice. But they do have options. They can take care of the problem themselves, they just choose not to.

Primo disagrees, mostly because he feels so bad for his mother.

I had a nightmare that she came to live with us.

Primo's nightmare is that Doris dies before Sly does and he will have to deal with Sly. At least if Sly were to die first, Primo would be left with the parent he likes.

Sly had his surgery. He survived. Came home last night. He was gone for three nights.

Me: Is your mom drinking less with your dad gone?

Primo: Yes.

Me: Huh.

Primo is angry because he keeps trying to get them to make a decision about hiring help or moving but they refuse.

They also have not completed the will. I think I told you about that. They have to write a codicil describing the distribution of their assets, they say. Isn't that what a will is? I mean, essentially, they do not have a will at all!

Sly's excuse, for not having worked on this for the past six years (his excuse other than he has been busy watching porn on the new Apple computer he had Primo set up for him and then kept calling Primo about when there were problems even though we live three thousand miles away from them and Primo cannot fix their computer over the phone and if someone can fix it over the phone, why doesn't Sly just call Apple customer service? Oh wait. I know. Because then he would not get to bother Primo!), is that he needs to know how much money Jack and Ted are going to get from their mom's estate. Their stepfather, who is dead, was quite wealthy.

Sly says he has ask Ted and Jack what they are to inherit and they say they don't know, which may be the truth or may not be. They actually have nothing to gain by telling Sly anything - Sly's idea is that he will reduce their inheritance from him by whatever they are getting from their stepdad. Why would they tell him anything. For someone so smart, Sly sure is dumb.

This whole idea of an inheritance is so bizarre! I do not come from people who leave money - or at least vast amounts of money - to their kids. I inherited $3,000 when my grandmother died at the age of 97. My brother, sister, and I split what would have been my dad's share. So my dad would have gotten $9,000, which is not insignificant but not enough for someone to spend a lot of time agonizing over his will. I am just glad she had money left when she died - that means she had money while she was alive and could not worry about it.

My other grandmother, who also died at 97, died without any money. Her money ran out a few years before she died and my mom and her six siblings were paying the bills. I don't expect to get money from my mom. I don't want to! I want her to spend it on herself. I don't want her to deprive herself thinking she should leave something to her kids.

Back to Sly - Sly claims he cannot finish his will until he has information from Ted and Jack and Ted and Jack claim they do not have the answers he wants and of course Sly would never pick up the phone to call the ex-wife he abandoned when he met Doris. The ex is the evil one - that's why he had to leave her, you see!

I don't know why he doesn't just divide Gaul in three and be done with it.

I have heard of no drama since Sly got home, but I haven't spoken to Primo yet this morning. I would not be surprised if there is nastiness. I will keep you informed.

In which I wonder if there would really be a market for a novel that has someone like Sly in it and then I read a novel with someone like Sly in it, so I am good

From a book (The Precious One, Marisa de los Santos) I am reading. I keep seeing Sly in the jerk of father character.

In which we realize that Sly has plenty of time to watch porn on his computer and brag about it (yes) to Primo but does not have time to arrange the big things in his life, like cooking and not falling at the grocery store

Primo is at his mom and dad's.

Again.

This time, for Sly's knee surgery.

This was not the plan. The plan was not for Primo to take a sabbatical so he could spend all his time at his mom and dad's.

The plan was for him to get a break and to breathe and to think about what he might want to do and to figure out a way to do it.

I am not putting up with the stress of being the sole wage-earner in this household to make life easier for Sly and Doris.

Sly had called Primo on Wednesday to ask him to be there the following Monday for Primo's Tuesday surgery.

It has been a while, I think, since Sly has bought a plane ticket. And even longer since he has had to consider that other people actually do things with their lives other than sit around and drink.

Primo informed Sly that

1. He was leaving town that night for a week-long political event and that
2. Even if he were not leaving town, he would not be able to drop everything to be at Sly's side in only a few days.

Remember, these are the people for whom three months' notice of our wedding was not enough, as they were not sure they would be able to find someone to feed their cats.

(I wish they had not found someone. I wish they really had boycotted our wedding.)

Primo informed Sly and then Doris that not only was he going to this political thing in another state, he was taking the Megabus for $60 because we are down to one income and did not want to spend the money for him to fly.

He said it again to Doris: "We are on a strict budget. Our income has dropped dramatically. It costs us money every time I visit you."

I was not a fly on the wall for the conversation - oh, man, how I wanted to hear this one - but Primo told them that they would have to pay for his expenses, that he had already paid for two trips in the past four months.

They agreed.

I can't believe it.

He should have asked them a long time ago.

They agreed to pay his expenses and Sly changed the date of the surgery.

The surgery was today. I was messaging with Primo while he was waiting in the hospital. He says that Doris is drinking herself to death and that his parents are even worse off than he thought.

We agreed they need to do something - move, hire daily help, hire live-in help.

Primo

imagine how difficult it would be to find a caregiver whom my parents could put up with and who would put up with my dad.

Me

yeah

Primo

My dad would complain all the time.

Me

he already complains all the time

Primo

And criticize the person.

Me

it would give him someone new to criticize!

a new reason to live!

Primo

It might deflect some criticism from my mom.

Me

yes

Primo

He'll say that he can handle things and he'd rather get by without a caregiver. And it'll be OK until something bad happens.

But they end up with days like yesterday, when they skipped dinner and then my mom was drunk.

My dad eventually ate something (part of a Vietnamese sandwich and then some peanut butter on a piece of bread). My mom ate nothing but frozen yogurt last night.

Me

If your dad refuses to hire help, I don't know that there is much you can do

Primo

And they'll probably always have excuses for not making progress on any of the big issues (moving, home care, the will, etc.) because every week seems to be a series of doctor appointments and hospital procedures.

At this rate, they'll be unable to manage soon and I'll end up having to choose some place for them to live.

But my mom is in such terrible shape and I feel bad for her. When I arrived, she said "We need you."

Me

If your dad has time to watch porn, he has time to deal with important things

Primo

But I can't tell him that.

In which Sly expects Primo to drop everything to fly to their place for an elective surgery Sly wants to have next Tuesday

It is Wednesday. Primo just got off the phone with Sly.

Sly wants to have his knee replacement surgery and wants Primo to fly down to stay with them during his recuperation.

He has scheduled the surgery for next Tuesday.

In case you are multitasking and don't want to do the math, that is less than a week from today.

1. Primo has a life
2. We have already paid for Primo to make two quasi-emergency visits to his mom and dad's in the past few months.
3. Primo has a life
4. We are not made of money

Primo is leaving town tonight for some political thing in another state. He wants to go so much that he is willing to take the Megabus, which has mixed reviews. He will not even be back home until next Tuesday.

Primo is not willing to cancel going to the political thing.

He told Sly that he cannot be there next Tuesday.

Sly's next big idea is to have both knees operated on at the same time.

I cannot imagine a reputable surgeon doing that - how is Sly supposed to use the facilities if he cannot walk at all? Will they even release a person from a hospital if he cannot somehow hobble to the bathroom?

They are not doing it right.

In which we meet my brother's girlfriend and she is FABULOUS and then, two months later, I find out that my brother might Not Be That Much Into Her

I thought I had told you guys about this, but I looked at the unpublished posts and realized that I had not.

My sister organized a party for my brother's 50th birthday party.

I haven't told you much about my brother.

He is 50 years old and never married. He brought home a few girls in college, but after that, nothing. I asked him why he never brought any girlfriends home and he said it was because they were not the kind of girls he wanted to introduce to our parents. I said he shouldn't be dating them and he said that they were fun.

He had a girlfriend about ten years ago who broke his heart. I don't know the whole story - I doubt there was an intentional heartbreaking, but just a lack of fit, which is always so sad. It's easy to break up with someone who is a jerk, but to break up with someone you really like but know would not be a good life partner, that is hard. It is hard to know that you will hurt someone you like. But you can't marry someone just to be nice.

So his heart was broken. Since then, he has not had a serious girlfriend.

My sister organized this party. Primo and I flew to Austin for the weekend. Went to Fiesta grocery before we even went to the hotel. Hung out with college friends. Hung out with Austin friends. Had not seen some of these friends in nine years, which is way too long not to see a friend. Ate Mexican food. Ate more Mexican food. And more. Saw yoga-teaching friend from Cedar Rapids who is now repatriated to Texas. Went to Central Market. Saw gay high school boyfriend who is now a pilot for Southwest. Ate at Threadgill's. Saw more college friends.

Missed Texas, missed Texas, missed Texas.

And we hung out at my brother's house and went to the party.

Back to my brother's house first.

My sister, my mom, my brother in law, and one of my brother's and sister's friends from junior high, when we lived in the Panama Canal Zone, were at my brother's house. (My brother has very loyal, long-term friends.)

My brother in law gave my mom an iPhone last year and put her on his plan.

Overall, this was a good thing, as my mom will drive two days to visit us and I don't like the idea of her being on the road without a cellphone.

I have nagged her about it for years and of course she laughed at my worry.

And of course, two years ago, I get a call from someone I don't know on my cellphone - my mom's car has broken down in New Mexico and she has left a message on my phone calling from someone else's cell phone. The message gives me elaborate instructions about how to contact her - "Call Sue's phone but tell her it's for me and if I'm not here I'll be at the pizza place next door" - but she gives me NO USEFUL INFORMATION.

No useful information such as, "I am fine. My car has broken down. It is being taken care of. I will be a day late getting to your place because of the delay, but that's only because they can't get the part until tomorrow."

Nope. All I know is I need to call my mom on someone else's phone.

It was stressful. And annoying.

(Everything was fine.)

So my brother in law gives her a phone, puts her on his plan (he is very generous), and now I do not have to worry so much.

The other thing that I learned from my brother in law is that he is a ratfink.

A few months ago, I had a bike accident. The ER wanted to do a CT scan, but I did not want one. I snapped a photo of my injury - my prescription sunglasses broke and cut my eyebrow - fortunately, my helmet was just fine - and sent it to my sister, asking if she thought I needed the scan. She is a nurse practitioner and I trust her judgment. That is the reason I called her - as a medical professional, not as my sister.

She told me not to be an idiot and to get the scan. "Remember Natasha Richardson?" she asked.

And that was that.

And then my mom calls. And my brother. And I am thinking, "What the heck? Why are they calling? We are not a phone-calling family!"

I was angry at my sister because I thought she had called my mom and brother to tell them about the bike accident. Honestly - it was none of their business and wasn't anything they needed to worry about.

Well, at my brother's house, my brother in law admitted that he was the one who had called my mom and brother to tell them about the accident.

My jaw dropped. I stared at him. "You did WHAT?" I asked.

He had called them, he admitted.

I didn't think my sister would appreciate my yelling at him, so I just narrowed my eyes and hissed, "Do not do that again." And I made a mental note to tell my sister, the next time I called her, that any information I share with her is covered under the sister contract, which precludes disclosure to spouse unless specifically allowed.

Honestly. Some people.

Where was I?

So we went to the party, which was great fun. I saw people I had not seen in over 20 years, including my brother's best friend since high school.

And I met my brother's girlfriend.

I had not met a girlfriend in 30 years.

I met his girlfriend and she was fabulous.

She is smart and interesting - she designs parks!  can you think of a cooler job? - and funny and grounded and nice and cute.

My sister, my brother in law, Primo, and I all loved her. We voted and decided she would be a great addition to our family. My mom likes her. We all like her.

So the other day, when I was messaging with my brother, two months after the party, I asked what was up with the girlfriend.

"Oh I don't know if I am that into her," he said.

WHAT! No! She is the one! She is the one we all want! He has to be into her!

And now I am sad.