Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Ch 12 Primo and I make sure we will not be sitting by Sly and Doris at the restaurant

Primo and I arrive first at the restaurant. Bayou, one of our favorites, serves excellent New Orleans style food.

I worked with the chef to create a menu that would make everyone – the lactose intolerant, the lactose fakers, the hemochromatosis, and the whatevers – happy.

The booze issue. Lord have mercy, Sly and Doris could put us in the poorhouse with their alcohol bill. We have to manage this.

“We have some guests who – like to drink,” I explained to the owner. “How do we do it so everyone knows that they only get one drink on us? We are bringing the wine, but I can see my in-laws running up a bar tab higher than the dinner costs. Not to mention I don’t need them to get smashed.”

He laughed. “I promise your situation is not unique. We’ll handle it. Our waiters know what to say.”

Two tables at the back of the restaurant are set beautifully, with a small menu at each plate. At the top of the menu, it says, “Primo and Goldie Rehearsal Dinner,” which is wrong.

Should I be a bridezilla? Throw a fit?

Nope. Not a big deal. Who cares? We are married and that is all that matters. Perhaps they aren’t used to Friday afternoon weddings.

Me: Where is everyone going to sit?

Primo: My mom and dad will be upset if they can’t sit with me. But this is our wedding. They have had me mostly to themselves since Saturday. Let’s sit with your brother and sister.

Me: Let’s hope they get here before your mom and dad do.

Primo: I hope they get here soon.

Me: I don’t!

Primo: No. I mean – I didn’t even think about it before I gave them the car keys, but they went back to the house to drink.

Me: Oh crap. Really? Your dad is going to be driving drunk?

Primo: I don’t think so. When I am with them and we go out for dinner, he doesn’t drink as much as he usually does. I think this was more for my mom.

Me: You mean he was trying to be nice to your mom? That’s a switch.

Primo: I know.

My mom, Dr. J, Greg, and Jenny arrive.

Me: Mom, would you do me a huge favor? This would count as your wedding present to me.

Not really. She already sent me a Kitchen Air mixer and I have no intentions of returning it. This is wedding present number two.

Mom: Sure. What do you want?

Me: Would you sit at the table with Sly and Doris so I don’t have to?

She raises her eyebrows. I have not told her anything about the bad blood between Primo’s parents and me. I am not a Reliable Narrator. I didn’t wanted to poison her against them before she met them. Maybe I am wrong and Sly and Doris are right. Maybe they were right to tell Primo not to marry and to threaten to boycott our wedding. Maybe I am a golddigger.

Maybe my mom will see them in a different way. Maybe I am the problem, not Sly and Doris. Maybe they are really lovely people who are easy to get along with and I’m the one who has no friends or relationships that I have sustained across decades, oceans, and languages.

Hahahahaha! I just had to say that.


I just hadn’t wanted to burden her with the knowledge that she was going to have to spend several days in the same house with people who think she and I are stupid because of our political and religious beliefs.

“OK,” she says. “Sure.” She takes Dr. J’s hand and moves to the other table.

I grab my brother and sister. "Sit here," I say. "We've hardly had a chance to see you!" There. Now I am surrounded by people I like. I am throwing my mom, Dr. J, and Pastor Gail to the wolves of Sly and Doris, but they are taking one for the team.

Besides, let Sly and Doris prove me wrong about worrying about how they would behave in public. They were insulted at the insinuation that they would be rude to Pastor Gail? Show me I was wrong. I’d be happy to be wrong.

Not to be all bridezilla-y, but it is my wedding, in theory and probably in reality because I am one and done, the only wedding I will ever have. If you can’t sit with the people you want at your own wedding, when can you?

Once everyone has arrived, the waiter offers everyone a drink. He says something like, “The hosts are offering one complimentary cocktail before dinner.” He makes it sound good but he also makes it clear that if anyone wants more than one, they can get out their own wallets.

Sly and Doris order only the one drink each, which seems like not a lot for them, but during dinner, there is a lot of wine being consumed at the other table and it sure isn’t by my mom, Dr. J, or Pastor Gail.

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