Primo: Whoa. My dad is calling me.
Me: That’s weird. Your parents are actually calling you? They never call you. This must be big. Maybe someone died again. Not the same person dying twice. But a second person, dead. You know what I mean.
Me: Don’t answer it. You can wait until we are home.
Primo: It might be important.
Me: What could be so important that it can’t wait little while? We’re driving. This is not convenient. Your uncles are both dead, so it can’t be another funeral that you are supposed to attend. Your dad already said that when his sisters die, he will attend their funerals, right?
Primo: It’s my dad. I have to take it.
Me: You know your phone is for your convenience, not your caller’s, right?
Primo: It could be important.
Me: If someone is dead, he will still be dead in a few hours. If there is an emergency at your mom and dad’s, it’s not like you can make flight arrangements while you’re driving.
He answers anyhow.
Primo: We’re in the car.
Primo: On our way home.
Primo: Yes she is.
Primo: Yes, of course it is.
Primo: OK, I’ll call you when we get home.
He hangs up.
Primo: My dad wants to know if my email is secure.
Me: What does he mean, is your email secure?
Primo: Do you read my email, he means.
Me: Why would I read your email? Why is he even asking such a question?
Primo: I don’t know. Maybe because they have a shared email account?
Me: Yeah, I’ve heard you can save a lot of money that way.
Primo: What couldn’t he ask me in front of you? He has to know that I don’t have secrets from you.
Me: Maybe what they should get us for a wedding present?
Primo: Why would that be a secret from you and not from me? Besides, it’s not like you wouldn’t tell me, anyhow. And it’s not like I wouldn’t find out when they actually gave it to us.
Me: What kind of cool present might they be planning to get us? You already have a set of silver. Not that I consider silver to be a good gift.
Primo: Why not? It’s nice! It was my grandparents’ silver.
Me: Have you ever polished it?
Me: Have you ever polished copper? Or bronze?
Me: I rest my case. I don’t want silver. I don’t want anything that has to be polished. Or ironed.
Primo: There’s nothing we lack. We are not just starting out – we have furniture and all that stuff.
Me: Maybe they want to pay off our mortgage.
Primo: Are you talking about the people who have, more than once, threatened to disinherit me? And who currently do not have me in their will?
Me: Oh, you’re right. What was I thinking? Maybe plane tickets to wherever we want to go?
Primo: They’re not even paying for their own tickets to come to our wedding.
Me: I’m out. I don’t have any other ideas.